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female
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*osieylane
writes: About six weeks ago my bf of a year and half broke it off, suddenly, saying he didn't want to date anyone right now. About a week before I had panicked and told him I thought he wasn't in to the relationship. He had been busy getting a new job, and the holidays, and I was scared and said the wrong thing. He was upset, and shocked, but we talked and everything seemed fine. Then a week of hardley any calls and then the break off. Shortly after that we decided to just take a pause in our relationship, see how things go. Since then we have talked almost every day. At first I was doing most of the calling, then he started emailing me a lot. We had a short, I miss you, I miss you too conversation and dropped it. A couple of weeks after the email fest he met up with me for lunch, and brought me a small gift. After that he started calling everyday and apologizing if he didn't. Then suddenly he seemed to back off. We've been talking, but I have been doing most of the initating, and we haven't seen each other since (about two weeks later).When I do call, he always answers or calls back, if I text he texts back. But he's semi-stand-offish and I am not sure how to proceed from here. I do want him back, but I'm scared to bring anything up and push him farther away. I just don't know what to think.
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female
reader, josieylane +, writes (7 March 2006):
josieylane is verified as being by the original poster of the question Bobby198, I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but I did something tonight that maybe would help. I don't know though, because as I said before, we are technically on a break.
Anyway, I called him up tonight and as light and fluffy as I could I asked him if we were still working towards the same goal. Still taking time apart, but just a little update to see if anything had gone forwards or backwards. He was pretty open to it, and I didn't hear exactly what I wanted to hear, but it did calm me down about it.
Maybe you should just try talking to her, but after that back off a little and let her process.
A
male
reader, Bobby198 +, writes (7 March 2006):
The same exact thing is happening to me but, it's my girlfriend left me, althought she is younger than me, I'm hoping time will fix things between us. Sometimes, I'm an emotional wreck and sometimes I'm ok about it. I miss her so much, and love her so much yet everybody tells me to move on. You should take your time, but should talk about what you guys are leading yourselves into. It's the only way to know both sides of each of your emotions.
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A
female
reader, josieylane +, writes (6 March 2006):
josieylane is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsmeedle, I think I agree with you. He wants to be with me, but he wants to be by himself at the same time. I do not have a problem taking some time off from each other. However, I really believe that there needs to be a least some communication, a state of the union of sorts, about the situation after 6 weeks have passed. I'm just not sure how to do that without pushing him away.
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A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (6 March 2006):
 He cannot make up his mind if he wants to be with you or not, sounds like currently it is not, next week if you dont contact him it will no doubt be a wants to be with you.
So cool it, dont let him dangle you in this way, tell him it is make your mind up time, yes or no but not maybe.
Both of you are in a habit and habits are hard to break so make the break and move on.
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A
female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (6 March 2006):
 You two are going through a break up cycle and its being dragged out for a lot longer than nessessary. You two sound like nice people and are obviously fond of each other, but have gone separate ways and now its time to move on. You keep calling each other because its easier than dealing with the emotions you get when you break up with someone you've cared about so much.I should expect your emotions have been up and down for the last few months, have I done the right thing!? Can we be friends? will it ever work out!? Everyone asks themselves these questions when they split with a loved one.The only way you will break this pattern is if you take control of the situation. You said you don't want him back. Maybe it would be a good idea to stop texting him and calling him. Each time you do you make it harder for yourself to move on, as you have to then start again. I think maybe, by the signals he's giving you, that he is trying to move on as well. You are both becoming 'addicted' to this lifestyle and all it will do is leave you anxious and confused. If you stop calling him and start to move on then sure you'll feel some raw emotions come bubbling to the surface, but the trick is to deal with them and get through them without going back. The feelings will pass and you will learn from this experience. O.K....Imagine a smoker trying to quit smoking. When they crave and crave for a cigerrette would you say 'just have one to kill your craving short term' or 'go through the pain of craving without giving in and the craving will pass and you will be 'clean' again'
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