A
female
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*ivianS
writes:I am feeling terribly low about myself. My fiancé broke up with me because I said something nasty about his mother. The truth is, I saw his family as scheming, conniving hypocrites. His mother would say nice things about me before other people and complained about my faults to my fiancé. His family treated me very well during the first few months of our relationship. As days went by, I began to see their true colors. They don’t have a good word for other people. In fact, my fiancé’s mother would bad-mouth his ex-girlfriends for no apparent reasons and I feared that one day she would definitely have the same things to say about me. A couple of times, they offended me by commenting on my appearance / dressing / body / behavior. I am an attractive woman with a successful career and lot of property. And THIS is my problem. I’m too high on myself. I felt I deserved better treatment than what I was getting from his family and showed no tolerance towards his mother’s behavior. I complained to my fiancé about his mother’s behavior once and he being the WONDERFUL guy he is, took my side and promised to deal with this.My fiancé loved me to bits. He’d treat me like a princess and took care of every need I may have had. We shared a very beautiful relationship and had wonderful plans for our future.I love my fiancé with ALL my heart, my mind, my soul, my life. I want nothing else in the world than to be in his arms… take care of him, have his babies, raise them and see them grow.When I last spoke to my fiancé, he told me he did not want anything to do with me. He loves his mother dearly. He told me that his mother had seen the text I sent him about her and that she was very upset about the whole thing. He never wants to see me again. It’s been a few days now and he won’t take my calls or see me. In the past, when we had fights, we were never angry with each other for more than a few hours. It’s been a few days now… I am not sorry about what I told him about his mother, because I did not lie or try to deceive him. I just couldn’t take her double standards and I did not mince words while explaining this to my fiancé. But, I AM sorry that I hurt him. If I could, I will go back in time and undo what I did, to save him the hurt. At the end of the whole ordeal, I feel like a fool because I am one that lost. But, is it fair that I should pay such a huge price for being stupid? I am tired of the anger, spite, and hatred in me. If I was any smarter, I would have dealt with this problem in a better fashion… and not stand to loose my EVERYTHING. I am very disappointed in myself. I see nothing else for myself… and I don’t want to live. Please help me. My fiancé won’t forgive me. What can I do to gain my sanity back?? I’ve lost the person I loved so dearly and my whole world is crashing down on me.
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female
reader, VivianS +, writes (7 March 2006):
VivianS is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you Smeedle, Willywombat, Martini and the anonymous writer. I was sulking all day and night yesterday thinking I lost something very precious. I really appreciate you guys helping me out here by letting me know your views. I will let him be and move on. As Willywombat suggested, I will write him a mail after a couple of months to see how he feels about the whole thing. I'll bet he will realize his decision was not THE BEST! Thanks a ton guys!! I feel so much better already! Thank you again :-)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2006): I agree with martini - what a mummy's boy!! Good on you for standing your ground! This mother-in-law sounds like a real twisted one - and you're right - she probably will bad- mouth you when you're the next ex. It's a shame this guy has no balls to stand up to her too. You obviously know the way you should be treated and won't stand for any less if your ex can't see that then he mustn't have much respect for you either. Siding with his mother - how cowardly! What a bloody girl he is! If he doesn't wake up to the fact that his mother isn't gonna be there for him forever and that you were then that's his loss isn't it? He sounds a little immature to me - fancy showing your personal message to his mother as though to "dob you in"!! Do you really wanna spend the rest of your life with someone who is so co-dependant that they can't even form their own opinion let alone stand by the one they say they love and intend to spend the rest of their life with (YOU)??? Don't feel bad about having some self-respect ...be glad you got it out in the open at this point - it's not only showing the parent - in - laws true colors - it's also showing your so called "fiance's" as well! If he can't even see that you should be treated better by your mother-in-law and stand up to her now and make her respect his choice in women now, enough for her to keep her bitchy comments to her self, then forget about that wanker - he's not worth your time - try to get over him as best you can- you sound like you're in a pretty good financial position to support yourself so -DO IT!! Find someone else more worthy - and remember - you are marrying the family too so pick a man who is good all round - or can at least stand by you and what you KNOW you deserve!! Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2006): I know what I am about to say may come off as 'immature', but damn, what a momma's boy. He might as well live with his mommy til 90 (yes I know, don't say anything), and let his mom pat him, feed him, and draw baths for him too.
Excellent choice on future husbands! [sarcasm]
If you're really that successful in career and finances, then this 'relationship' is expendable. Don't you learn that by being a successful business woman?
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (6 March 2006):
 Put all your hopes fears and love in a letter and send it by snail mail. send it to an address that u know his mother cannot get to it from. Let him read it without pressure. If he gets back to you you can move on. If he doesnt you need to accept that it is over.x
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (6 March 2006):
 Hi VivianS, well first off you need to get to grips with the reality that your fiance is no longer that, he is now the ex.
He choose his family over you and that is that, it sounds like you and he would have had a great relationship and future if it was not for the "family", family are something that come with the ideal man and if they dont like you and he prefferes them then there is not a lot you can do but move on.
You may have many faults, you seem to know them and maybe you can work through these in future but to be honest, we all have faults and they are what makes us the person we are.
Sounds to me like he will always side with his mum and that no girl is going to be good enough so move on accept he has foolishly choosen a life with mum in stead of a life with you.
Do not beat yourself up, his issues not yours.
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