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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I have raead a couple of problems from women whose boyfriends seem to look at women way too much when they are out together. I have just this problem. It has got to the point where I don't want to get engaged to my boyfriend because when he is driving and sees attractive girls he turns his head to look at them in a relaxed casual way or looks in his rear mirror. I find it very distracting when I am talking to him. Last night I nearly went crazy when we were driving home and he did an obvious double take at a girl in shorts. We had a huge row when we got home and he broke down saying he really really was sorry but he has never had this issue with anyone before. Are we not compatible because he is like this. He used to watch a lot of porn when he was single and hasn't had many relationships and I am wondering if this affects the way he views women, as tasty bits of something to look at. We are so happy in every other way and he is a quiet sort of guy. I really hate feeling like this and last night I felt panicky and out of control. I have only had two longterm relationships before him and this is the first time I have had to deal with this.... I am getting really upset and thinking about breaking things off with him. He was so apologetic but he was like that last time it happened and before long reverts back to his old ways. I feel as if I am dating some kind of letch. Please help x
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female
reader, gypsytears  +, writes (29 May 2011):
My whole vegas trip was ruined because I was tripn on my husband looking at other females...1 time fine 2 times is pushing it 3 times is asking for a fight it just disrespectful and he wouldn't like if I gaulked at attractive men....anyways so it ruined our time he was upset at me being insecure..I felt bad for being so insecure..days later I'm watching headline news and they did research that guys that get grief for looking at other females tend to do it more! And if you let them get there glance of eye candy the less they will feel the need to look!!...but no denying it still hurts feelings...makes me feel like I'm getting old because when I was younger I don't remember him doing that and I'm only 29....what's to come..yikes
A
female
reader, HoneyEyedLatina +, writes (11 May 2011):
 Well we all know it's not a crime to look at other men or women, however, doing it in a disrespectful manner is a whole other ball game. Yes my boyfriend GLANCES at attractive women but he would never break his neck to look at another woman while with me (driving or walking) as he knows it is disrespectful. Looking at someone in a casual way is harmless. For instance, your with your man and a girl is walking toward you, he looks at her while she walks toward your direction but looks away once she has passed by him. That is considered ok but if he broke his neck to stare at a woman then in my eyes it is not ok, especially if your driving. That's dangerous. Did he turn his head to look at her while driving? Also, looking back in a rear view mirror is disrespectful as well. Some couples really don't give a crap who each other looks at but the majority of couples want to be respected by their significant others.
"Dear Mandy" states that you may feel unattractive or insecure or may think the other women he is looking at are better looking. That probably isn't even the case at all. I'm not conceited but I am a beautiful woman and I am my boyfriend's dream girl in looks, body and personality. Men stare at me when we are together and it drives him crazy. When he looks at another girl casually it doesn't bother me but if he were to look in a disrespectful way then it would bother me. Yeah I'm the woman that he loves and makes love too and whatnot, but it is still DISRESPECTFUL. It has nothing to do with insecurity as I am not even insecure, it's just point blank rude and disrespectful and most women will agree with me.
Sometimes when I go places and have to sit in a waiting room, there will be a couple and the guy will constantly stare at me every chance he gets. Especially if I'm walking back and forth. It makes me feel so uncomfortable because I feel like I'm disrespecting his girlfriend just by being there cause her man is a pig and won't stop staring!
As for porn, there is no crime for looking at it, however, there are limits for that too. My boyfriend looks at porn all the time. I'm not even sure why he does it because the women he looks up have the same body type as me so why the hell would he even bother? Well he's a man. Porn and masturbation is normal and harmless but if it's getting in the way of your relationship, job, family or there is an addiction involved then it isn't harmless. If your boyfriend starts to turn you down for sex because he has already pleased himself to porn then there is a problem. Hopefully that's not the case.
The best thing to do is to have a serious conversation with him and tell him that you understand that he's a man and looking at other women is normal but there are limits to it and he should not violate those limits and that you respect him and expect him to do the same. This is what you could say "hey you can look at whoever you want when I'm not around but please don't make it obvious when you are with me. It hurts my feeling and it is disrespectful towards me and I want you to respect that. All I want is for us to have a successful relationship and if you continue this behavior it will cause a problem for me and our relationship. Not because I am insecure because I know that I'm the one you love, I just find it disrespectful towards me and our relationship."
That's basically all you have to say and honestly if he can't respect that then he is not the one for you because there are men who do not have that behavior. Like I mentioned earlier, sure there are women or men who don't give a damn that there significant others constantly check out other people, but just because they do it that way doesn't mean that your relationship should be like that too. You and him make the decisions and are in charge of your relationship. Do what you feel is right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): I don't like my partner looking either I find it disrepectful, but to give him credit he only did it once and knows how it upset me and has never done it again - but the once was bothersome because it was very consistent at the one person. Anway, I think if you can both have a sensible conversation about boundaries and find something you both think is reasonable that will help you move forward.
I think you need to tell him how you feel about porn and also that you too admire good looking people but try and make it subtle and do not objectify people by staring for too long or making it really obvious. Tell him that you think it's good manners all round for you and for the other people.
See what his response is and if he can live in this way before deciding to break it off.
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A
male
reader, sighprash  +, writes (10 May 2011):
 hah, i know what u mean.. its like if you see a pif flying holding a rail gun .. you'd look... as long as you dont want to go make a relationship with it... no harm done.. rite??
lol but yea.. he should be lucky to date a gal like you, and maybe.... just maybe wear clothes that shows off your beauty to him?
the best things are usually with you and u never notice... make him notice what he has ;)
dont break up..... life is too short for the stresss... especially if the stresss is soooo unneeded :(
hope all works out!!
~Prash~
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (10 May 2011):
 Hi
There is nothing wrong with looking at a beautiful, women OR man! as long as thats it. I am a straight women, but if I see a beautiful women walk past I cant help but look either, I think WOW what great legs, or OMG I wish I had an arse like that, but it dont mean I want them!! I feel you maybe insecure from past relationships, and find it hard to cope with. Or maybe you dont feel as attractive as the women his looking at? what you have to say to yourself is I AM THE GIRL HE TAKES HOME. I AMTHE GIRL HE MAKES LOVE TO , please dont grate him on this, because you will push him away. Its a natural thing that most people do, its how you handle it that counts. Just remember he is with YOU, looking is not a crime! I have no doubt he loves you, and if anything, it will probally improve your sex life if you back off him a bit :D
I hope this has helped
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