A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I have been with my partner 3 years now.Over that time he has had a friend of the opposite sex. That he had known for years but not seen in person in a long time, think social like 3x in the time he has known her, long before he met me. My gut feeling was not to trust her. I did not trust her intentions with him at all. I felt at times I was being irrational and it was all in my head.Until my partner came to me and let me read messages from her and my gut instinct was correct. I blew up with what I was reading she was slating me and asking my partner to meet up for a drink ect.My partner got very distressed by this and decided to show me to read through everything she sent him.I got very emotional over it and wee have talked and decided how to move forward on it.I trust him completely because he didn't have to show me anything he decided too. I wouldn't even look at his phone unless he asked me too. My partner has now blocked all communication off with her he decided that was best, I didn't tell him too, nor would I. I am so angry though the women is married so I have no idea what she was playing at. There were several subtle things she done and said before which upset me and my partner wee both kept deciding to let it go.This time wee both have had enough. I just can't understand some folk. Why do they have to be sneaky and behave like that. I am not just defending him I have read the messages and could see that it was all her and her attempts. His response was always polite and no where did it ever indicate anything more.I feel so bad though because he has lost what he thought was a friend, he has told me he hasn't given her a second thought since blocking her. It is me who keeps bringing it up now which it is. I worry that is going to upset him. So I'm holding back a little. Trying to be like it's his friend, his decision how he moves forward with this. I know he has stood up for me and put my first by cutting her out but I am still so angry and want to contact her myself to make it clear I will not stand for it. Just the nerve of some people and It makes me so angry. Over thinking so much and can't stop thinking how earth could she think that was okay. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2021): If he has done away with her then I think you are all fine, no problems.You are his priority. Yess! Dwell on that instead.Did he never talk to her about you during any of their conversations when you were in his life? Probably. If so, she would have been put off by that anyway. Jealous too..If people are in love they tend to talk about one another in reference. She does not appear to be in a good place in her relationship.. ouch.I know what it’s like to have your partner played, and your bf did not respond at all, so that’s a MAJOR positive. Mine was a joke; basically there for the taking and so that was crummy, did not last, but this situation seems a good one!I don’t get these married women that are uncomfortably close (or try to be too close) to other people’s men. It disgusts me too, but then it does say more about them than it does you. They are only showing themselves up! Maybe she has other men on the go and she is sometimes more successful with them..? She has a husband?! It’s sad really..The wisest thing to do would be to forget about it, particularly if your boyfriend has effectively put a stop to everything, and he was only ever occasionally chatting in the first place..You may wish that he’d stopped contact with her sooner and are frustrated at her fishing, but then occasionally men can be blind to the advances of another woman if they are subtle or they stoke his ego… at least he’s not wasting any more of his and your time anymore!Tell him how much you appreciate him and his honesty. I am sure you have.It’s human nature to wonder what people are thinking, and some ugly personalities have no qualms destroying relationships, nor do they respect boundaries...The red cloud will clear with time! Until then, you are not alone sister, and good luck to you both!
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (16 June 2021):
 Your boyfriend has been very straight with you and removed her from both your lives. Why would you want to make contact with her and bring her back into your lives? I can totally understand your need to stick it to her but, really, he has already done that for both of you.
You now need to move on. Your boyfriend showed you he can be trusted. He also showed you he puts your feelings above those of mean people who try to stir trouble.
As for losing a friend, she wasn't really much of a friend to him, was she? You are feeling hurt on his behalf whereas he has already moved on and is satisfied with his decision.
Tempting as it may be, don't make contact with her. No good will come of it. It will just show you in a bad light to your boyfriend. Your best revenge is to live your life and be happy and leave her to stir trouble with someone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2021): Girlfriend, I feel you! I understand, how some people try to undermine your relationship. Even if your partner isn't receptive to her teasing, or the temptation; she hopes she'll catch him in a state of weakness. She's being the subtle seductress; and sending out the signals to let him know she'll play, if he wants to.
He let you know she's making passes, and sending him secret messages. He values your trust, and he wants you to know that he is not receptive. He is not encouraging her, and he's keeping things out in the open. You bear witness, and can most assuredly affirm, that your boyfriend is not going after that man's wife! She's making play for your man!
Blocking contact is only the start. She's a married-woman making passes, and that could escalate to some pretty serious drama. You don't want the menfolk to lock horns! It will be necessary to discontinue any friendship; because people undergoing serious marital-problems can cause some pretty serious collateral damage. She's attempting to undermine the peace and tranquility in your relationship. Her man may have stepped-out on her; and she wants to prove the one you've got can't be any better than hers! Had I not experienced a similar situation; I wouldn't have answered this post! You've got to keep it cool, sister!
You should remain calm. He has kept it under control; and he was very transparent and forthcoming with what she's up to. She and her husband were your friends; but she's crossing boundaries, and she has upset you. Not because you don't trust him, but you don't trust HER!!!
Your first inclination is to threaten her; but that opens up a Pandora's Box. You'll be pulled into drama that will get blown into a big mess; then her husband is going to somehow try to blame your boyfriend, to protect his own male-pride. No-telling what kind of lies she might concoct to save her own tail! Thing is, you know what's up; and you've taken preemptive-measures to thwart any further effort.
Stayaway from those two. If her husband grows suspicious, and wants to know; tell him the truth. Do not volunteer information, or call yourself blackmailing her. You have a right to feel offended and resentful; because this is an intrusion on your relationship, and it directly effects you. You have to keep a cool head; and not do anything foolish or impulsive. I think I know what you might be planning; and I guarantee any direct confrontation or a scene will backfire. She has only hinted around, and made vague flirtations; but you and I know how she can turn this whole thing into something nasty to save her own skin.
Have nothing more to do with them. They've got problems in their marriage, and you don't want it to infect your relationship! Just by the disconnection in contact she got the point.
Cool your jets, girlfriend! Put your pistols away! This story could have gone so many other directions; and that's when you pull-out all the stops. You've nipped it in the bud, and you did it together! Now take a chill-pill! If she ever decides to face-off with you; that's when you give her a piece of your mind. Nothing has happened but a flirtation; that doesn't warrant any serious overreaction. He has shown her he's not going for the bait. Past this point, she's making a fool of herself. Otherwise, she has ruined the friendship; and it's best you both should keep your distance.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2021): I am agreeing with what others have said and would only add that if you keep ranting and raving to your partner about this, he may not want to confide in you about similar instances in future as he will no how badly you will react,
Take pride in the fact he chose you.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (14 June 2021):
 I think that you should just both put this down to a learing curve now and move on.
He did the right thing by showing you the correspondence between them both, so fair play to him for that.
I would advise not contacting her, as Honeypie pointed out you would be playing right into her hand. It would be adding fuel to the fire. You want here out of both of your lives, not in it more by contacting her.
He has blocked her now, so time to forget her and both move on with your lives.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 June 2021):
 Your BF seems to have taken the "appropriate steps". She is now blocked and he showed you what was going on.
So points to him for that.
I would NOT contact her if I were you. She is obviously looking for attention. And you would be playing RIGHT into her hands.
Your BF thought she was a "safe" woman to be friends with BECAUSE she is married. The thing is - marriage means less to some people than others. And NEITHER of you should have ignored the little hints and red flags. That is why SHE felt "safe" enough to continue to cross various obvious social lines.
Think of her as if she went on some one-way to some space program. She is now on her way to Mars and she will not come back - being mad at her, keep bringing HER up with your BF... will only create division between you and your BF. Work on that. THIS is the time for healing and moving forward.
You and your BF learned a lesson here. That you BOTH need to have some boundaries when it comes to people in your lives. Such as... friends of the opposite sex.
You DO need to stop bringing it up. If he no longer talks to her, good. Move forward. She was a bitch and she is off to Mars. No longer worth your time or energy.
Work on that.
Let your BF learn this lesson his own way.
Be there to listen and if he wants advice to give that. But let him process this on his own if he doesn't ask for help.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2021): I wouldn't let her bother you.So if she liked him or not, clearly he loves you.Ignore her negative behavior and look at the positives from him. Your man came to you and was honest with you and then took the steps to show that you are first in his life.Did he meet her, did he do anything behind your back? No, he came to you and told you. Damn girl there's many women out there wishing they had that trust and respect from their man! Yeah guessing that women is one of them.Clearly doesn't matter what any other women attempts to do he loves you!Take that from this you can trust him, he clearly respects your feelings,he won't let anyone come between you both and it is you who he loves.You got the dream girl!Unfortunately jealous people are going to come along however you clearly have nothing to worry about. Stay a team!
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