A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi and thank you!!So I'm dating a man who unfortunately is consumed with money ots money this, money that. Huge turn off to me. Sure we all need it but it doesn't consume me. Seems hes always broke always needing something. I need groceries, I need to pay bills and so on. I can understand where he comes from that there is not much employment and its difficult to get a job there but I'm feeling used. I have sent alot over the years it does add up and if I don't he argues and manipulates me into sending. I did it from the kindness of my heart but I'm seeing his heart is cold. He was angry cause he wanted 300.00 and I sent 200.00 instead I told him I have my own bills to deal with. Well he went nuts saying thank god I know your true colors and what a liar you are and a bunch more negative comments. I was completely taken back by his words and anger. He even applied for a Visa to come here and said thank God its declined cause I'll make his life miserable with my lies! So needless to say I wished him well and asked him to not contact me again. I don't have to worry about him coming here, hes from a different country. I'm just shocked at how blinded i was and i want to be alone and do some needed healing from this ordeal. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2021): Hi thanks for the advice I'm the OP.
I'm not sure why it states online, because I have seen him several times, I went there to his country.
I want to state I'm not insecure, or just here to vent. My problem is I have a big heart and trust people because I assume everyone is like me and trustworthy. However, that is simply not the case. Some can not be trusted. I have given alot and got nothing back, it was definitely time to move on from this one sided relationship. He always showed love when I sent money , if I didn't he was like rude and verbally abusive. I have learned a good lesson.
Thanks again everyone I appreciate it
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (16 June 2021):
 Asking him not to contact you is a bit of a cop-out. You need to block him to ensure there is no way he CAN contact you.
It is quite obvious he is a scammer. How dare he verbally abuse you because you don't have the money he wants you to send him? Scammers typically try every approach to get what they want. They will be all loving. If that doesn't work, they will play the sympathy card and give you a hard luck story. If that doesn't work, they will try to guilt trip you into sending money.
Remember, you cannot buy love. A man who really likes you will not expect you to support him. Shake yourself down, learn your lesson and move on, stronger and wiser. You will know better than to send anyone money next time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2021): If you want to be charitable, help through legitimate charities; and contribute to local organizations that help the needy. You do not give money to men you've met online; or any man with whom you wish to make a romantic connection. If he has a hard-luck story; he's looking for a sucker, or a sugar mama. That should be a blazing red-flag! Signifying, in no uncertain terms, that there is something wrong; when a grown-man has to come to a woman he's never met (or hardly knows) asking for money! He has no pride, decency, or dignity. He's so broke, he can't take you on a date; yet he's out there on the market looking for dates. You'd think the fact he lives in a foreign country, he's broke, and on a dating site would be a caveat!
How much in-love can you fall with a man living oceans or continents away, who has never stepped into the same room with you? How can he be so smitten with you, yet he has never touched you, or laid eyes on you in-person? All he has ever seen of you is a few pics. He can't even afford a device to facetime live! Your only link is by device, but you may never meet.
If you were a love-struck teenage-girl, such naivete would be expected. He can't get a visa? Oh, so that leaves it up to you to travel to some godforsaken-hideout in some remote dusty village; or the slums of a poverty-stricken crime-riddled city. Many of these guys have wives, kids, and girlfriends. They usually entertain several online sugar-mamas at a time. Who try to get them plane tickets, immigration papers, or visas.
Please don't take offense, but what on earth goes through your mind that you would give money to a total stranger just for the asking??? What would make you think he cares so much about you, if he keeps asking you for money??? The very first time he asked would have shocked me, and given me pause!
You were taken-in by his flattery and sweettalk. He's probably quite good-looking. You may have low self-esteem, and you're searching desperately for some man, or any man; who tells you he cares for you. When you've reached that point of desperation; you are vulnerable to players, scammers, and worse! I will not insult your intelligence by minimizing such recklessness to mere naivete. You know better. You loved his flattery and attention.
I will convey this message to you, and other women; easily taken by these back-alley skid-row Romeos. They find you foolish and contemptable. They make fun of your photos, and roll their eyes; while they joke about your messages of love. They haven't the slightest respect for you. They think you're spoiled by your wealth, over-privileged, and stupid. They hate your country, and what it stands for! They believe you deserve to be taken for your money. You're paying for love, and they're your supplier. He will milk you dry!!! Both financially, and emotionally!
You are a big joke between them and the other guys in dirty little internet cafes and pubs; where they sit and scheme. While they extort money out of pitiful, aging, rich, and working-class females. Ladies who feel rejected and dejected by men. They are lonely, some are plain, some are over-weight, there are women who are several-times divorced; or those women who feel overlooked by men. Many are attractive, and some are very successful; but without any foreseeable romantic-prospects. The thing is, most of you ladies know what you're doing; and it's a two-way exploitation bracket. He tells you what you want to hear, and some will even provide sex when you visit him. Meanwhile, you'll supply him with cash, presents, or papers. Give him time, that's where it's all leading!
I can't believe these setups go-on for months, and even years! We talk to these women, and our advice is useless. They just want someplace to vent; because they wouldn't dare admit to anybody they know what they've been doing. Some actually believe they're married to men living in another country; who have never set one foot in theirs!
I can see you've learned a huge lesson. That doesn't necessarily mean you won't do it again. I just hope you won't. You're one of the lucky ones who didn't allow herself to get pulled-in too deep! Thank God!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2021): Sorry to tell you that he is using you.end this now. You deserve better, much better
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2021): You are a victim of love scam... cut all the contact with him and go on with your life and hope this is a lesson now for you ..
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (14 June 2021):
 There are so many cases like this in life in general, and here on DC.
I know it's not probably the words you want to hear, but i feel you are being scammed.
You are sending a grown man money?. You are sending money and all you get back from him is heartache and grief.
You are one in a long line of people who he is more than likely obtaining money from. A good majority will wise and know that are being scammed and block him. But for let's say out of 50 people he finds someone who is willing to forward money he will cling to them with dear life, be very convincing, and get as much money as he possible can.
OP this needs to stop, he is a scammer, block him and never send any money again.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (14 June 2021):
Well it should be obvious that he was taking advantage of you. And it's probably safe to say that he will be back since you are a steady source of income for him. Ask suggested you should block him to not give him the chance to manipulate you into sending more money. If you are going to look for another boyfriend from another country she probably just make a rule for yourself that you are not going to send them money.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 June 2021):
 Oh, honey,
YOU are being scammed. Left and right.
He doesn't LOVE you. He isn't going to move to the UK to be with you. YOU are just one of MANY women he is CONNING into giving him money.
Let me guess, he is from Nigeria? Or some other 3rd world country?
Do me a favor,
GOGGLE - romance scams.
Just go it.
And then BLOCK the fire out of this guy on EVERYTHING. He will be back and try to get more money out of you. It's what they do!
If you would like to date a guy, FIND someone local. Who has a job and stability and doesn't NEED to take your money. That way you can actually spend TIME with the person you are dating, and you can build an actual future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2021): Block him.Don't just ask him to not contact you; make sure he can't.And from now on ,be more prudent and selective in your choice of men.Very basic rule of thumb, if he asks your financial help , it is a big NO.Big red light.True , everybody can fall on hard times at some point,be strapped for cash etc.and it does not always mean that they are bad people. But , I think, if one is ynemployed and broke,he can still have the wisdom and dignity to postpone dating to a time in future when he won't have to beg for money from his dates.
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