A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm extremely depressed right now. To introduce myself, i'm a 17-year old gay man who has been in love with my ex-best friend till now.I have liked a number of guys in my life before, and none had worked out (They either found out and started to avoid me, or cursed me etc). Every year i'd fall into this similar state of rejection and depression, so much that i'd often detest my own fate to be born gay.So, i thought that this year i had finally achieved my happiness thanks to this person who i love so much and vice versa. At the beginning of the year when i first knew him, i'd do all sorts of "tricks" i found online to get close to him and then maintain a good relationship throughout. I admit i was treating this like a game as i followed all the tips in the internet extremely faithfully. I totally believed this could work and that i didnt want to screw up and get hurt anymore. It did help me that i no longer was so clingy and i could bear seeing him talking to girls or even guys who could actually make me feel jealous. And yes, i get jealous easily since i'm insecure in my relationships.At first i only wanted to stay good friends with this guy since i learned that i have ruined all my past friendships thanks to my irrational wish to be extremely close to those i like. But this person exceeded my expectation. He actually confessed to me and was extremely flirty. After a while he was clingy to me and did all sorts of things i'd do to my ex-"boyfriends". I was so grateful to meet him and i totally believed God had finally sent someone who was exactly meant to be for me. I promised myself, even if our relationship did not turn out "that" way and we could only stay as best friends, i'd not mind as well.He was really caring and lovely. We did fight like every few weeks or so, but we'd get back together extremely quickly and move on. I had a checklist of things a healthy couple would do, and we seemed to do a lot of things correctly. Again i'm sorry for treating this so systematically like a game. I seem clingy but i am really sure i managed to hide this from him. Although after a while he did find out my true self and said it's cute. He accepted all my flaws and while sometimes i'd feel inferior to him (he's popular in school), i felt as if there was finally someone who could embrace me and everything about me for who i am.Then there was one day this girl who approached him while we were walking together. She was totally flirty to him which kinda annoyed me. We were walking home from school and during the entire process of us going home, she talked to him profusely about random stuff, seemingly trying desperately to have him all for herself. This disturbed me and i went all quiet and depressed throughout the entire journey. I knew my boyfriend was a kind person and so he just let her talk and he listened. When she left, he laughed and hugged me, telling me to cheer up and that "I'd never abandon you, okay :)"I almost cried and felt guilty to him. I knew for sure that he liked me and so he wasn't fully heterosexual, but i still felt guilty to be the person for him when he could spend better time with such pretty girls like her. He kept on convincing me i was the one though. He even joked about "You don't seem to trust me. Where should we go tonight? Hotel? :P"I tried to move on from that. There've been girls flirting with him numerous times which hurt me, but it was this certain female which was totally disturbing. I just had a feeling that she might really seduce my boyfriend to her side. Well, months passed with my boyfriend and I being happily together and not distracted by anything else. Till suddenly my fear came true...He dumped me 2 weeks ago. A week before he dumped me, i saw this same girl posting on his wall on facebook about random stuff. He liked all her posts including some random stupid "hahahahaha". It hit me, but i didnt say anything to him. Although i began to fear losing him. Then on the next Wed when he randomly told me that he didn't want to stayback with me to study together after school anymore, i lost all my cool. I pleaded to him to not leave and etc, showing all my clinginess. I'm sure i had done the wrong thing but there's no more turning back. I still wonder why did he have to say that too. We remained friends for but less than a week.From the day he told me he couldnt stayback with me anymore, he seemed distant. We no longer meet every morning before heading to school together, because he would always tell me he was "rushing to school". After school, he'd always have something on and i'd go home alone. I still remember how he used to say "I hate seeing someone going home alone because they often look lonely. We should always go home tgt too" and "I can't concentrate when i'm not with you".On Monday, as i didnt sleep the night before (thx to schoolwork), i went to school earlier. In the bus stop where we would always meet, i saw him walking and calling someone over the phone. I couldnt believe i saw him so early in the morning when he'd always come late after me every morning we'd meet. He noticed me and was trying to hide among the crowd. After a while i approached him and spammed him a lot of questions. Then and there, he crushed my feeling. He told me he was meeting a girl i know. Before he even mentioned her characteristics, a bitch's figure already popped in my mind. I felt like dying in that moment. I questioned his reasoning to lie to me about "rushing to sch" and not informing me about all these. I didnt even accuse him for anything and he scolded "F*** you" to me. He almost never did that. Things got worse as he became more and more distant. 1 day i intentionally caught him sitting and doing nothing in school canteen, an hour after all students had been dismissed. He was really waiting for this girl to go home together with her. And he told me he was busy and needed to go home to catch up with studies, so we shouldn't meet anymore.I exploded that day. I wrote all sorts of things in facebook (nothing bad, just my feelings of how i was hurt by someone). He posted in the newsfeed soon after, saying something like "Dear miserable guy, stop complaining like a girl when you're a freaking guy because blah blah blah,.... you know who you are". I was stunned that he'd address me that way. I cried that entire night and then weekend.Last week i decided to do "No Contact Rule" with him. I still want him back but i was honestly disappointed with him. I couldnt believe the he i'm seeing right now is the same person as the he who loved me so much back then, ever since the start of this year. He never even respond to my texts anymore. Last week i told him to unfollow me in twitter and etc. He actually replied saying he was grateful not having to read my shits in fb or twitter anymore. And he cut off all contacts in facebook, twitter, msn and etc. It was awfully crushing.I'm trying to follow tips and tricks to "get him back" online now. I'm trying to move on too. But it just seems impossible for me to do, after all these.. Not to mention he gave me the longest and happiest r/ship i've ever had yet. I miss him, i feel depressed and lonely everyday. I've talked to my friends and try to get myself busy, but it just hurts everytime i remember him... Not to mention we're still going to the same school. Seeing him walking with that bitch hurts me beyond description. I tried talking to my friends and only few could really accept my situation, because they know my situation isnt "normal". It's a gay relationship.I'm so depressed right now. I really find this life to be unfair. I never asked to be born this way and if i could, i too wish i was born pretty as a female. I'd try my best to make the people i love happy.. But i simply cant...I'm sorry for the long story... I really wish to know if i still stand a chance. I know i'm stubborn, some have told me to give up and some not, and while i may agree with any answer, my mind just would not forget about him.. It's so difficult to move on.(Btw, this bitch even has a boyfriend already who's working overseas for 2 years. I stalked her twitter and found this out. She has a boyfriend and yet she was flirting with guys and still took my boyfriend away from me. She has rejected him from what i heard, yet she still sticks around with him, making herself "hard to get" and hence attracts him more. I seriously detest her)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2011): I'm the asker. Thx for the answer. I sincerely wish he is REALLY gay though. I am still denying that he is liking this girl. I cant stop trying to find out if he was just scared of committing to me all of a sudden. He might be thinking our r/ship had gone too far and it was wrong and hence he decided to "cleanse his mind" by sticking to a girl to find out what he really wants.I have cut off all contacts with him in fb, twitter, msn and etc. I'm trying to move on too. But i still cant believe all of these happened, after how matching we seemingly were. I really wonder if we still stand a chance to reconciliate. Since he loved me so much and all that. I can tell that he was extremely clingy to me. I honestly wouldnt be hurt as much should he had chosen another girl though. I just hate this girl, i dont like her from the very beginning i first know her. She never made the effort to be friendly with me and all the time she tried to butt in between my boyfriend and i, she was showing obv signs of trying to "steal" him from me. By clinging to him, ignoring me completely and asking him to walk that side or this side when i was really just following them around. It hurt. Yet my boyfriend would convince me he would nvr abandon me. Now he's doing this and i feel betrayedI swear he is not exactly happy with her either. It might be because this bitch does not sincerely like him too. She has a boyfriend and is just playing around. Just attended some big event in sch last night, and i saw my ex sitting alone watching while everybody else was having fun. His bitch might have been lingering around somewhere else without even caring for him. I dont understand why is he still sticking with her. I want to make him jealous, no seriously, by showing him how much fun he could have by being with me. And not some shameless flirty bitch who doesnt care about you
A
male
reader, der_zyniker  +, writes (30 July 2011):
As far as this guy goes, I wouldn't try to get him back and I wouldn't talk to him for a while. About 2 years ago I had a friend that I love and when he found out he wouldn't come anywhere near me. I would call him and try to get together with him and he would say yes, but he would never show up. Eventually I just blew up in his face and from that point on anytime I tried to contact him he wouldn't respond or pick up. So I gave it a rest for a few months and got over him. I didn't contact him in any way at all. Then after a few months I tried talking to him again. There was a little bit of a strain, but after a little while things weren't to bad. We were friends again after that. I would just end all contact with this guy for a few months like I did and then try talking to him again. I also wouldn't bring up what happened between you two when you talk to him. I know that you want to and you may need closure, but that will actually send him running from you. I would also stop using these tips that you found online to get him back. If he want you back he does, if he doesn't he doesn't. Tricks hardly ever work.
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A
male
reader, AvgGuy1 +, writes (29 July 2011):
 Sounds to me like your, no EX, boyfriend might have been a little more straight (i.e. bisexual) than would be best for you.
You need to find someone who's GAY... not bisexual. I know at your age it's extremely difficult to do so... but you'll find someone.
You don't mention any OTHER friends. You need to have other friends that you can fall back on when things like this happen. Try developing relationships with some others that will just be friends. Come out to them so that they know you are gay. THEN try dating again.
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