A
male
age
51-59,
*oysterdoyster
writes:Out of the loop for a while.I am 36 and have been divorced for 2 years when as the cliche go- she walked into my life. She ticks all the boxes and many many more. The question is we have known each other for 5 weeks and I am finding it difficult to balance holding back my feelings for her and to keep some perspective. What makes it harder is that she is quite shy by nature and a little less affectionate than me. Do I lay my cards on the table or do I should just give it lots and lots of time. Also I think we both know that this is a serious relationship that could go somewhere. Any help would be great
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female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (29 June 2007):
 I didn't realize you were living together after knowing each other for only 5 weeks. So as I stated below, in "time", you will know if she is really like that or if she finally "loosens" up and relaxes around you and that very well be what it is. Just because she is Polish, I wouldn't place her in "that" catagory. She is an individual with her own personality and views. I would hate for anyone to say that just because I am Hispanic, that I could be just like other Hispanics. Race is race, it's not personality nor is it how I am in my thoughts or how I view things. If she was a golddigger, I guess you will figure that out in time, like I have said, time will tell with a lot for you. However, I am looking at this in a positive way for you....I just think that it's just to soon for her to really express herself, she will eventually open up. I will say this, as long as you feel very relaxed with her, she will be more at ease being this way with you as well. Again, Good Luck and Best Wishes with your love!! :)
A
male
reader, roysterdoyster +, writes (28 June 2007):
roysterdoyster is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHowever- this question has many different layers. First we both work and live together. (Snatched afternoons etc) Second she is Polish and her culture plays more emphasis on the man taking the lead. Thirdly I have been divorced two years and she has not been in a relationship for two years as well. Fourthly Polish woman have a rep in England for being goldiggers. Also by affectionate I dont neccessarily mean the physical side I mean she shows little physical response to when we hold hands etc or perhaps she doesnt pick up the more subtler cues. I think we both know we are in the zone as it were but she may have difficulty verbalising her feelings. I am not trying to rush I have plenty of time- she is definately worth it! I suppose my answer is too hang in, not appear desperate etc but boy the uncertainty of it all can be agonising on a day to day basis
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (28 June 2007):
 What's the rush? Are you in a hurry to get somewhere?
If all you want is that roll in the hay, then by all means release the hounds. But I suspect you want something deeper to develop with this special lady. In the grand scheme of a lifelong relationship five months (much less five weeks) doesn't even get you to "hello, how are you?"
If you want that lifelong relationship with this gal, then concentrate more on earning her trust and respect and less on those raging hormones. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (28 June 2007):
Being that you stated you BOTH know that this relationship could possibly go somewhere, then "just" let it. She is shy, and you don't want to come across as a desparate man towards her...that would be totally a turn off. (or it would for me) Even though she may not show as much affection towards you now, that doesn't mean that in TIME, her affections could change where she FINALLY feels she could/can be herself. Sometimes, and it just depends on the woman, it very well may take her longer to really express herself, however that may be. Then on the other hand, you will know in TIME, she may be that "kind" of woman who really can open up to you or not. You stated should I give it lots and lots of time...how much time is to much time? There is no "real" answer to that. However, I do believe that if it was me in your shoes, if we were still dating and it had been at least 3 months pretty serious and I wasn't getting back what I had been giving so to speak, I have to ask myself...if this is the way she will always be...can I live like this? Some people are just not affectionate at all. That is what you will need to decide IF you are the type who has to receive it to "make" you feel validated in your relationship. Personally, I seriously do feel that single people should date much longer then getting married quickly. I say this because I to am single and do not want to divorce (again) where I feel that I did not take enough time to really get to know the person I am with and really understand them as an individual as best as I can. Patience....if it is meant to be...it will.Good Luck to you!!!
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A
female
reader, PoSiOnKiSS +, writes (28 June 2007):
 take it slow hun, dont want to scare the crap outa the girl since shes a shy type. why not ask her if shes free sometime and take her for a drink or a meal, that will get the ball rollin.
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