A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hiI shall be very short and sweetbeen with a guy for nearly 4 years. Since i was 16 basically He is the only guy I have had a serious relationship with and the only guy I have ever done anything sexual with beyond a quick kiss or french kissing (but not making out or anything heavy).I love him very muchBut I have low self esteem. I feel unattractive and not sexy. Especially since lately we don't have sex as often. He doesn't treat me the way he used to, he doesn't grab my ass or fawn over me and tell me how hot I am. I feel undesirable. I go to the gym all the time and eat right and I am in good physical shape, better shape than I was in the start of our relationship. I shower once a day, take care of my teeth and skin, dress up for him, put on make up, etc, etc. I try to seduce him, but I stopped trying because whenever I did he was either 1. distracted by a computer game and thus ignored me (once i gave him a lapdance while he was playing computer games and he STILL brushed me off) or 2. he has difficulty getting an erection when I initiate things. he's FINE getting hard when he initiates the sex, but if I ever ask him to do anything for me (a position I want to do, or if I try to surprise him with spontaneous sex- he cannot keep it hard).All in all my self esteem is shot.Men hardly ever hit on me or anything. I feel like I am just... gross... I'm not overweight, I'm not "ugly" (i don't think), I am intelligent, and all that, but guys just don't hit on me. If they did, I would say no, but I secretly wish I could get their attention.I don't wear low cut tops or anything unless I am with my boyfriend because I don't really want to look like I am too available.lately I just feel so gross and am looking for reassurance, my boyfriend won't give it to me. he tells me I am gorgeous when I ask him how I look, but he doesn't just compliment me on his own, and like i said, i don't feel the sort of friskiness from him that I used to. I feel that he is bored with me and not attracted to me.I am not sure what to do. I have been considering going out and trying to see if I can get a guy to hit on me, and then tell him that I am taken and not encourage it, but just I want to put myself out there to see if I am attractive or not. I know how stupid and wrong it sounds. I am frustrated though.I have never felt so depressed about the way I look. I ask my boyfriend about the sexual problems and he says "sorry I ignored you for the computer" (but he does it again later anyway) and "i dont know why i cant get hard, i'll try harder" (but it happens again anyway). I feel ugly. it's making me feel miserable all the time and it's making me truly detest my body and my face and everything. What on earth do I do
View related questions:
depressed, erection, kissing, lapdance, overweight, self esteem, video games Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, girlwhoneedshelp  +, writes (18 December 2007):
 HOLD ON! This is not your fault and in no way should you be feeling the way you do. This is your boyfriend being an arsehole.
You need to pull the plug out of the back of his computer, sit him down and tell him exactly how you are feeling. I know it's hard to tell someone how you honestly feel about yourself but he needs to know what he's really doing to you.
He has no right to make you feel this way and tell him this. Tell him that he needs to stop spending so much time on the computer and maybe spend more time with you doing something nice together like going out for a meal, dancing or even staying in and watching a movie together.
To be honest, about the compliments thing, most men are like this. They start off all nicey nicey and couldn't possibly give you more compliments if they tried but then when they know they've got you these compliments start to get less and less and before you know it you only hear them when you ask for them. Tell him how low this makes you feel. Tell him how hard you work to keep yourself looking good for him and how awful he is for sitting on that damn machine all night.
As for the going out and getting hit on thing, go for it! If you think this is what you need to get a confidence boost then off you go. If your man isn't going to give you this boost like he should then you need to find it somewhere else before you get any lower. In fact I'd dress up really sexily if I was you and let your man know that you are going out. If he asks where you are going just say "out". This will drive him crazy, or at least it should. You could even add "don't wait up" as you leave. This way he should be left thinking about where you're going, what you're doing and who you're doing it with. This would drive any man crazy. If he's angry when you get home just tell him that if he's not going to show you the affection you deserve then you're going to look for it elsewhere. Either he gets into shape and starts being a decent boyfriend again or you're going to go elsewhere!
BE STRONG! Good luck.
A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (18 December 2007):
 I dont think your the one with a problem i think its HIM, a man resisting a lap dance or a girl initaiting sex for a computer what a NERD, no wonder you have low self esteem with a guy like this dragging you down do yourself a favour and get rid of him!
...............................
|
