A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a freshmen in highschool and me and my girlfriend have been going on a good six months now,and we love eachother.We don't see eachother alot,but we don't care because we're both willing to try and be comitted.But the problem with me is that I'm always so unhappy and depressed. Alot of that depression is from fear of this relationship not working out and fear of her eventually not caring about me anymore.When I talk to her about these things she ends up getting upset(for obvious reasons).She's the only person I can talk to.I've tried talking to family,friends,pets etc. but she's the only one who actually understands me enough to make me feel better in the end.I don't want to make her unhappy with my depressing thoughts though. To make it worse,my family is lower class so I don't have the money to afford a psychologist or whatever they're called.My parents also say I can't have clinical depression,so meds aren't a solution. So here I am wallowing in my own depression and wanting to kill myself with no solutions.Should I still talk to my girlfriend about my problems despite that I REALLY don't want her to be unhappy?Or should I just try to suck it up and deal with it?
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male
reader, ponyman  +, writes (27 February 2009):
Firstly - well done ! You have made a positive first step in admitting you have a problem that is beyond your control and asking for help.
People react differently to their problems. A major problem for one person is a trivial matter for another. Each person deserves to have their individual perspectives recognised. Depression is a serious matter and nobody should make light of your situation.
I can understand how important this girl is for you. For you she is the most important thing in your life and the knowledge that there is more than one girl in the world has not escaped your notice. Nobody should be in any doubt as to the importance of her to you at this moment.
Sharing some of your problems with your girlfriend may help to relieve your stress a little. However you are putting some burden upon her - and she may not have the ability to be able to cope with it for long. I can imagine that she is a very nice girl and it must be difficult not to rely on her too much. But I am sure that you want the relationship to be as a girlfriend - not a therapist - you don't want your relationship to become based entirely on her feeling sorry for you.
By all means share SOME of your feelings, but try not to make them become all consuming. One of the problems for depressed people is the tendency to concentrate on themselves. You may become trapped in your own little world. Even if you have little real interest, try to remember her needs as well. Think of the things she likes, the things that are important to her and ask about them and try to appear to take an interest in them. She may have problems of her own which you should take an interest in. I know you are aware of this and don't deliberately want to be upsetting her and this is probably making you feel guilty as well, but unable to stop.
I think you would benefit from talking to an adult outside your family/friend circle. Either a professional or perhaps someone else you feel comfortable in confiding in. There may be a teacher or guidance councillor at your school. Or maybe some other youth organisation. You could 'phone the Samaritans or similar, anonymously if you prefer, or other similar organisations - they may at least be able to suggest who else to contact.
By all means speak to your doctor if you feel comfortable about doing so. I realise you may not wish for your family members to know about your problems (I do understand why). You can tell your doctor in advance that you do not wish your family to know of your situation and that you do not want antidepressant tablets.
I do not know how serious your condition is, but I am sure it will be more serious than you have written. Suffering from depression can alter your perspectives and you really do need help. I do think you should get some help from a responsible adult as soon as possible.
I really wish you all the best. Please let us know how things go for you :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): I'd like to add something I heard many years ago when I was considering suicide:
It's a permanent solution to a temporary situation!
And looking back I can't remember why I wanted to end my life! There are other answers out there. If your parents can't help. Then you are going to have to seek out help from others! Start at your school! They must have resources to help troubled teens. If you can't get help from them, Try calling a suicide hotline, or contact the website "fade" listed on her posting. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't throw it away...you're worth so much more than that!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): Talking is great, that's what makes a relationship, but NO ONE wants a whiny man. do something fun before you call her.... talk to your pets, run around outside, skateboard, watch tv, but take your mind off your problems.... You used the right word, "WALLOWED". Why wallow in it if you could stand up and squash it? I have depression problems and have for a long time. I lost my child and it is the hardest thing to deal with. Just think about all the people in the world that are worst off than you are. I know you say you love her as well, but you are fifteen maybe and your life should not depend on if one girl loves you or not. Life is much more than one girl... Do you know how many girls are in the world? millions.... too many for just one guy, so no matter what there will be someone for you and i hope that she is the one. Take time to talk about her and her day.... not about killing yourself. Imagine how stressed she is that you will do something to yourself. It's not fair to her. Talk about your problems, but also think about all that is going right in your life. You have her right, so life can't be that bad....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): girls love to listen to people's trouble
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (22 November 2008):
 When anyone considers killing themself its only because they wish things would change. Depression comes and goes. Its part of life unfortunately.
You are correct in not discussing it with your friend. Meds only make things worse. Maybe that's why they said what they said.
Find an adult who you can relate to and talk it out with them. Friends are too young to help as others have mentioned.
You will come though this, just believe that is true. Also, writing in a journal as to what caused this can be a little helpful, at least in trying to find the root of what has you so sad.
Not that this helps make you feel any better, but depression is common all over the world and millions of people suffer from this. Its very brave of you to want to deal with it and very wise and loving of you to know it wouldn't be best to unload on your girlfriend. You can tell her you're depressed though, in case she wonders if you are acting odd with her. Best to you! You will be fine.
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A
female
reader, bonbon  +, writes (22 November 2008):
 Well..i'll be honest with you as well as i must be to help you!!!
Being talkative is the best thing which girl can find.However,talking about the past and matches it with your present and future problems will affect your relationship with her...u seem so in love so try your hard to make her feel it by fighting and defeating fear to win the her at last..
P.s : don't forget to waste time on her..i know that she'll feel glamor when you treat her as a queen :) and remember;nothing deserves to be depressed for..believe in yourself,and try to convince your dignity by the truth which is you'r much better than billions outta there.Nevertheless,believe in God above all..
Just have a great life which includes her indeed,hopefuly!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): Yo brother,
I know how it feels, i am dealing with the same in a kind of way. Pick your feet up brother, hold that head up high, don't let fear and anger kill you!!! She has stuck with you thus far then she is showing you she loves you and she is there for you!!! That is what a relationship consists of =] and also be yourself because thats why she chose you in the first place. Listen to her problems too because that will make her alot more secure feeling. Man everything happens for a reason and trust me god has a plan for you, if she a good girl she will definately stick around. High school is tough but you gotta get out there and start living life, so man don't hesitate, everything will be ok!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): I am so sorry that your parents are not paying attention to your problem. Is it possible that you can talk to a teacher or a guidance counselor at school. They might be able to assit you to get professional help.
Yes, it is good to talk to somebody that can relate to your feelings and that can help you. I am sure your girflriend wants to help but it might be difficult for her as she is also still very young and not qualified to give you the assistance you so badly need at this stage.
You are in the process of growing up and your body is developing and yeah, life is not always easy, but don't let negative factors influence your thoughts. Try to think about the good things and focus on setting goals for your future.
William Shakespear said: "There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so".
Try and spent time with friends and don't dwell to much on negative thoughts.
I wish I could give you a hug, but I am sending you lots of virtual HUGS.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): you should talk to her. wen i had my bf i was actually going through an argument with 1 of my best friends.i told him everything about the argument and he istened. he also tried to help me through it. u should talk to her bc she might b about to help
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): If you feel you are burdening her with your problems...find a good therapist to talk to. Start by discussing how you feel with your parents, if you think they will understand, help you through it. If not...consider talking to a guidence counselor at school. They may have some advice or steps you can take.
Read through this site, there have been so many questions on depression! I think it may have something to do with the holidays coming up...I don't know.
Don't let your depression go on without talking to someone!
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A
female
reader, MissUnique +, writes (22 November 2008):
 I was depressed when I was 14. You sound depressed but it sounds like it all roots from insecurity. There are worse things in the world than depression, believe me. When you're feeling down, just...try to be cheerful. To those who have never been depressed you have no idea how hard that is, cos it sounds so simple right? Just think happy thoughts or whatever, but it is so much harder than that.
http://www.samaritans.org/
Go on here. Please. They help, and it's for free, you can email them..phone or write. They'll solve your problems (if you help them) a lot better than we can.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): dont try and deal with this on your own. if you are feeling so upset and depressed you need help. if you cannot afford proffesional help- try someone who might be understanding like your local priest or social worker.
your girlfriend will be understanding and she would probably be more upset if you were unhappy and she didnt know why. confide in her and you may be surprised. if you share your problem then your burden will fall and you will feel better.
you may not feel as though you can talk to your girlfriend but i would definitely suggest talkignt ot somebody
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