A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a 4 month old baby. The longest I have ever been single before my pregnancy was maybe 1 week. I wasnt with my daughters dad for very long, in fact, we were only together 18 days. On the last day we were together I found out I was pregnant, and he decided that he didnt want the resposibility. Later that day, I found out that he was on meth, which led me to believe that its not the responsibility he didnt want, it was giving up drugs that he didnt want. My dad was never really in my life physically, mentally, or emotionally. He actually made me want to kill myself when I was younger because he would ask me questions about "guy" parts, and it made me uncomfortable, then he would get extremely mad when I would say I didnt know what he was talking about. When I was 13 years old, I had been in a relationship at which I thought I loved this guy. We broke up and I asked my best friend (so I thought) to come over, and he tried to kiss me. I pushed him away, and he threw me down on the bed and raped me. Right before he left he said "if you tell anyone, I will be back, do it again, then kill you!" so I decided that I would just keep it to myself. I look back now and notice that I turned into a HO right after that. I started sleeping with anyone and everyone that I could, luckly I didnt get any diseases at this time. When I was just 4 months pregnant I found out that I had genital herpes, and I also found out that my daughters dad knew he had it, but didnt tell me. I have always needed a male figure to complete me. I have not been in a relationship or had sex since my daughters dad took off, I am extremely proud of myself, but at the same time, I dont feel like I am whole. Even though I love my daughter with all my heart, she just doesnt completely make me complete. I am depressed because I want a man. Everytime I go out I find myself searching for one. I know that my daughter is more important than any person/thing in this world, so I have decided to come to you guys! Please help me, I need to know what I can do to finally be happy without a man, to show my daughter the love she needs, and to just know that if I am meant to have a man, he will find me someday. I mean yes I apparently know this, but its not enough, it doesnt keep me from wanting a man. I want to be happy being a single teen mother. Now just to let you know, I am only 17 years old, I decided that I wanted to wait until I get married before I have any sexual relations with anyone else. Even though I decided that, it still doesnt keep me from "just wanting someone". Please help me, I really do need the help, not only for myself, but my daughter as well. I will take into consideration every answer I get back from this question, I will truely appreciate the answers, and I will do my best to follow through with the advice. I am desperately needing to be happy, so in reality I can be the best mother I can be. Please Help. Thank Yousincerelya single teen mother, with herpes, and needing a man, but dont want one.
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best friend, broke up, depressed, drugs, herpes, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): I am so sorry for what happened to you, and sorry for the insensitivity of some of the responses here! I'm not a professional, but my guess is that after being raped, you felt worthless, like maybe you deserved it for not fighting back harder or something. Perhaps that is why you became a "HO." Let me assure you right now- the rape was NOT your fault. It was the fault of the so-called friend who acted as a criminal. He knew better. He knew what he did was wrong. The evidence is how he told you not to ever tell anyone. He knew he would get in trouble if you told, because he KNEW what he did was wrong, and he doesn't want to be held accountable for it.Step 1) Stop blaming yourself or being hard on yourself over all the past poor choices you may have made. We all make mistakes. What's done is done. Work on making the right choices for your future! Put your energy into what you know is right and good.2) Find ways to improve your self-esteem. For example; a. Finish something you didn't finish b. Challenge yourself to do something good or healthy for yourself c. Learn to do something new, and useful d. Volunteer to help at church, soup kitchen, or animal shelter.3) Check out what Dr. Phil has to say on his website. I may not be a real big fan of his, but what he says is often pretty good advice.4) Realize that you are of value in this world, even if no one else has noticed that yet. You may just be hanging out with the wrong people.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am still wanting a man, but i am now starting my g.e.d. courses. as soon as i get that completed i will be going to college definately for my bachelors, maybe my masters, and if i do decide to get my masters i might go all the way to the top. i have decided to do this so that when i get a house of my own and a good job i can provide my daughter with everything she needs and SOME of what she wants and still be able to help others in need around me. i dont want to be one of those mothers that can work but dont and just take money from the state, i will keep u updated on what happens next. thank u for ur answers.
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A
female
reader, nickie123 +, writes (10 January 2009):
 you sound like just a woman not a teen..
when i read this i started to cry because almost all my friends wen through what you are going through they get raped they get sick and eventually gets pregnant
you should be thankful that you have a daughter it brought love to tour heart but you feel like is empty trust me is not your daughter she is everything to you she's part of you ...your a great person because when you knew you were pregnant you didint get an abortion and i admire you for that almost all my friends got an abortion and there life is empty becauze they lost a peace of them... you will find that man and hes gonna be fine(hot) he's going to respect you and your daughter and you will be happy you have to belive that will happen and it will come true just be PATIENT (:i really admire for being a teen mother and going through what you went through and just puting your head up high :)
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A
female
reader, texangirl +, writes (10 January 2009):
I can't believe this is a real question. But I guess it just shouldn't surprise me. What I am going to say is going to be harsh but it sounds like you need someone to shake you. I have never understood why SOME people are raped go the HO route. i understand you were scared but it seems given that you would have been fearful of it happening again and not put yourself in situatios where it could happen again. You need to be in school That's the first thing. If youa re then KUDOS if not then what can you offer in the future the days when you could lack any education and move up are gone. Even those people who are highly educated are having a problem. Thos eapplying to my company with no GED and no high school diploma appear unwilling to follow through with the basics.All of that being said it sounds like you need some REAL therapy. If you don't get it this cycle will continue. I do not even understand why this is so important. I would think that the fact that God trusted you with a soul would be fulfillng enough. You need to focus all of your attention on that precious baby and the future you want for the two of you. You need to look (when you have the other worked out) for a guy that is educated, responsible, kind, family-oreinted etc. if you find this guy what are you bringing to the table? Bring it all. Give him a reason (besides sex and looks) to want to be with you. If you focus on yourself and your baby you will not have time to be in such turmoil. it is normal to be lonely but you really need to get some professional help.
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