A
male
age
41-50,
*xileone
writes:hi, having a difficult time, my girlfriend of 3 years says it is over and we have a 2 year old daughter- she said she got the vibe from me that i hated her 6 months ago but she is only telling me now.for a long time after the birth of our daughter i was ill and kept on working till i could do no more so i could provide for them.- after that i took on a year intensive study plus kept my job so i could better myself, i was under so much stress that not all the time i showed how i felt but i thought she knew with the amount of work i took on for the family, all this time the house was a mess with rubbish, dirty cloths the only clothes she washed was the ones she went out in she had no job and this was the only thing i asked of her.- since she was fit after birth she goes out every weekend on her own an stays out to morning drinking, i have found a condom beside our bin outside and one fell out of her shoe which she was wearing out she says she has never cheated? but then she was living the single life while i was at home babysitting.- this might be crude but i noticed when doing the washing that her underwear had white marks on them is this nomal?- she has been telling me lies they might be small and unrelated to our break up but how can i trust her, today she said that she had to go up the steet early as she has finally got a job to buy a card but instead she went to her parents house to use the internet and send luv on bebo to a differet guy- she changed he accounts to single lookijg for male and has wrote some comments to boys on these sites that gilfiends should not- i have tried to talk to her and she said give me a week alone, now she wants a couple of months.she is not a bad mother but i know she cannot cope on her own, should i take my daughter or try to work it out? i love her and i am deeply hurt what should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): Sounds like your girlfriend is highly depressed (messiness & neglect, going out constantly and drinking, are signs of depression, basically not doing anything productive out of life). Maybe you want to find out why? or what are the reasons? But in any case, it is highly unacceptable that she brings home condoms from her night adventures. Even if it hurts a lot, leaving her, there are women out there who can contemplate have a new & healthy, respectful relationship with you and can accept the fact that you already have a daughter. My advice is to leave the daughter for a while with her grand-parents until you can sort out your own life. But avoid the mother at any cost. Good luck
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): in response to the comments
i was always there for her she chose to go out
i tidied at the weekends when she was out enjoyin herself
my name is on my daughters birth cert ad she has my surname
comments she has left on bebo and facebook can be got
if she thought it was over 6 months ago why id she still ask me for cloths ad money to go out, rent, food etc she made no effort to et a job, when we moveed in together 3 years ago she lost her job and i have carried her ever since
she is n ot a bad mother but she is also ot a capable one one night i came in and my daughter was sitting in a room with a few people drinking ad the cloud of smoke would of choked you an she ended up drinkig vodka in front of my gf and her friends
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A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (3 December 2007):
 She looks she has a messy life and she is not afraid of you or any respect towards you or your relationship. From where I sit it is clear she not only habitually cheats on you but it is her main ineterest to fuck around.As for you rightly or wrongly by not being with her and/or supporting her you have given her reasons to hang and fuck around.She is untidy and dirty at home (and you did not make effort to clean the house also) and it is hard to imagine a cosy home and happy family for you three. I would advise you to try to have the girl if you hada stable relationship with some other girl but it is not the case. Since she is not a bad mother and your daughter is small, let her bring up the kid. And you keep an eye on how she is doing and support her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): Get a lawyer pronto and get your daughter away from this dangerously selfish creature. Apart from the appalling way she appears to have behaved to you and her complete disregard for your daughter's right to have her father treated with respect she shows no signs of being responsible enough to be a good mother.
Actually you say she is your girlfriend, not wife, so you have no rights in the matter and she can basicaly f*** who she likes over the bins and you have to like it or lump it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): even her my girlfriends mum said that she could not cope alone with our daughter, if i done what she done where would i stand
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (3 December 2007):
 first of all, you might not be able to just take your daughter, you need to talk things through with her. if it is finalised, you can apply for custody but there is no guarentee you will gain full parental rights, you will at least, get joint custody and access rights.
As for everything else, your mind is working over-drive and you are thinking up the most obsurd circumstances in your head. okay, so maybe she is trying to move on too quickly, but there are obviously some flaws in the relationship to make her take such drastic actions. she has not said anything for the past 6 months since she first felt you didn't love her anymore becuase maybe she was trying to give it another go.
i think yu need to concentrate on the well being of your little girl. if your girlfriend has said it is over, you need time out to deal with it and then decide the best cause of action to take. don't make assumptions about your girlfriends ability to cope, she can make up her wn mind about whether she will be okay or not and you need to accept her wishes, do the right thing and don't let your personal feelings cloud your judgement about who your daughter will be better off with, whoever it may be, she needs consistancy of both parents.
best of luck.
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