A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am currently in a marriage where all we do is argue. I feel at times my wife is treating me like a child. There are times when we have gone out and she has embarassed me in front of friends and family. About a year ago I had a slight breakdown and my marriage collapsed. I moved out of the marital home and tried to get on. This I did. Me and my wife spoke and decided we would give it another go. This has been working well up until the past 4 weeks where we have argued over the smallest of things and I just feel we are going back to how we were when I had my breakdown. I ask my wife to talk and I get the "what is there to talk about response". Please help, I really don't know what to do and I don't want to have another breakdown.
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (10 September 2007):
 When she has that comment, without being angry, tell her "ok, i'll talk you listen". When you're done explaining what you need too, ask her how she really feels about your marriage, where she sees the problems are. When doing this make sure you don't place blame directly on the other person. For example, instead of say "you treat me like a child" say "at times i feel as if you see me as a child by your actions" it almost sounds the same, but instead your blaming the action not the person.
I have read so much information about this subject. If you don't feel as if you can work this out, that would be the time to mention it. Without having a breakdown. Relationships are hard, breakups are hard. Don't take it as an attack directly toward you, look at it as something you both tried to do, that just didn't work out as planned.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2007): you previously describe yourself has having a breakdown I presume you mean depression, are you suffering from further symptoms. You need to address your concerns about your wife putting you down in public this is not acceptable. as previously suggested maybe some counselling would help as a couple. You didn't say how long you have been together until problems started again.
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A
female
reader, Merrydee  +, writes (9 September 2007):
 Hi, if you really want to make your marraige work would you try reading a book called 'Boundaries in Marraige' by Dr's Henry Cloud and John Townsend? I know that if my husband had read this and been prepared to apply it our marraige would have had a good chance of turning around (your wife should read it too). I was 27 years with him and worked very hard to try and overcome our problems but he would not accept that it takes two to tango. If both you and your wife are prepared to try and make a go of it, read this book, go for counselling, it will be worth it.
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (9 September 2007):
I agree with the first two responses. Have some self-respect and then demand respect from her. Stand up for yourself.
You are seeing the signs of your split rear its ugly head again. Then be prepared for this to be a recurring theme. If you haven't gotten to the point where you have kids and she continues to treat you like a doormat, cut her out of your life like a tumor.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2007): You said she treats you like a child and embarrasses you in public. That tells me..she doesn't respect you. I have no idea what has happened in your marriage to have led you both to this point. But I will say, respect for each other is critical in a marriage. From what you say, I don't know whether you should be with your wife or not, but if you have children involved, it's important for them to be raised with both parents, in an intact home if possible. If she is being consistantly disrespectful to you, then it's negatively impacted your marriage and is it likely you are floundering and trying to decide if you do love her? We know you can't control the way she acts but you can control how you react to her. I think you need to be honest with yourself, and examine what you are bringing into this marriage that has caused this dynamic as well as looking at what your partner is doing. I think it's time to set some boundaries on how you will allow yourself to be treated. Decide if that's what you want and conduct yourself to be consistent with that. It will take strength and confidence to do this but you need to believe that you must be respected. It is time for you both to stop playing games and hurting each other and begin acting like grownups. That is what you both want out of your married life together, isn’t it? I also think that the two of you should get in some highly, intensive marriage counseling – at least one year's worth and go from there.
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A
female
reader, tinkerbell01 +, writes (9 September 2007):
 hi, you havent said how long you have been togther(with her beening your wife i'll guess a number of years).also wheather you have kids.
i am a strong beiliver of "never go back". in my experance it works like this.
when you have a trail separating nothing really changes when you go back. for the first few months its like your honeymoon period all over again.(i missed you,loads of sex, your both trying to make it work). but before you know it the reasons why you split in the first place start greeping back. hence why your aguing again all the time. and it will carry on going until one of you builds the courage to live and make it for good this time. im advice would be to build up that courage now before you having wasted months even years of your life waiting for your wife to build up the strength to go. xx
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