A
male
age
41-50,
*ctv_man
writes:I have been married to my wife for 8 years and we have been together for 12. We have two daughters together (8 and 6).I have a huge problem that has been tearing me apart for a very long time and I am hoping that some outside advice will help me.I have, over the past number of years, fallen in love with my wife's cousin. We started of as friends then became very close friends and about 3 months ago we were talking and both confessed to having these feelings for each other. My wife asked me about my feeling towards her cousin about a month later (I was doing a very poor job of hiding my feelings) and I told her how I was feeling.Fast forward 2 months to today; my wife is upset horribly by the things that I have told her about her cousin and how I feel about her (I love her, we get along so well, she is one of my very best friends, etc.) but says that she still loves me and still wants to see if we can work out our relationship, her cousin and I have been together as a couple since I was kicked out, we have had fantastic conversation, fun times, heart-to-heart talks about alot of things, we have both been effectively dis-owned by the majority of our friends and families. A few days ago my girlfriend asked me if I was having seccond thoughts about ending things with my wife and being with her; I told her that I was having seccond thoughts, that I feel horrible for hurting my wife (who I do love as well) and my girls and our families. My GF understood the reasons for this, but said that she is unable to continue with me until I can commit myself to a decision/path/direction.Sorry that this is such a long question, but there is ALOT to explain, even more than I have here.Someone please help me, I am so completely torn apart. I have hurt my wife, I have hurt my GF, I love them both and can hardly get through a full hour without breaking down into tears. PLEASE HELP ME!
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male
reader, traditionalist  +, writes (2 December 2012):
Love is what it is about in the first place, if you are in an environment that spawns negativity with your wife are you really wanting your kids to grow up resenting the both of you and the institution of marriage and maybe even god? All I'm saying is you got 1 life and you gotta love whatever it takes you love with her him man woman don't matter love is love. What you and the world needs now is to be happy and find whatever makes you happy! When you do you hold on to it as tight as possible and appreciate it for everything it is and when its gone be thankful that you're able to experience it. Look around you, nothing is traditional anymore, where are the morals? - you are in an immoral world, you need to be happy because this world is not doing anything to get you there. At the end of the day you could either be laying next to somebody you love and be grateful and happy that you there or company for your Misery?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009): You know that we have the same problem. Not really the same because i DON'T love my wife anymore. I know it's crazy but it is the truth. I love her cousin but I NEVER told her about it like wise in her cousin, because I love my SON so much. And I don't want to hurt him. I rather hurt my self. Put it this way, don't be selfish think about your KIDS and think about your self later. You are a parent! And parent should think for they childrens not for their self. I know that's really a pain in the ass but you will know someday that your kids will be your most precious treasure you ever had.
Good luck!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2007): Well, a least you told your wife about your feelings, but you have young kids who need a father figure in there life.You need to decide who you love the most, ask yourself "could I live my liso hurt, you have kids to together and she finds out your without her?" If the answer is "no" then she is the one. Also think about the rest of your family, If you and your girlfriend were at a gathering as a couple how will your kids and ex-wife feel? There is no way out without someone getting hurt. If I was in your wifes shoes I would probability not take you back or forgive you! But....thats just me! Think about the rest of your family also. Good Luck!!!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): Hi friend I am sorry about your situation, I am in the same predicament I have fallen in love with my wifes cousin, she also has the same feelings for me but we have not told anyone yet, so I am trying to figure out the way to do this without hurting anyone to badly, easier said than done but the heart wants what the heart wants its a crazy life but always remember you only live once.
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (14 August 2007):
 At this point, you have caused a great deal of damage to your family. Don't cause more by trying to alleviate your guilt.
You can't have your cake and eat it too. Didn't you learn this the first time? Be a man and spend some time on your own. Leave your estranged wife alone, and lose the girlfriend. Everyone in this sorry mess deserves better than the choices you have made thus far.
I really pity your kids. They didn't deserve your infidelity. If you want to become worthy of their acquaintance I suggest you get your head screwed on right first.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): Okay, you have to realise that you are married and that you have two children. Imagine growing up as one of them and not having their dad around as much. I think you should end things with your girlfriend and go back to your wife. You have two girls to look after and care for, and they are still very young. Pray to God for advice and ask for his help. You have been married to your wife for 8 YEARS, and you are just gonna throw all that away?? Adultery is gonna hurt everyone around you. And you are still in love with your wife, that says something. Good luck x
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