A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:A male friend of mine is going through a divorce. His wife refuses to leave the home so they are living in separate rooms in the same home. What blows my mind is he said sometimes she makes him dinner or breakfast and even though he talks terrible about her and says "I can't look at her face", he eats the meals. Am I missing something? I asked him if he really wants to go through with this? He said "yes". thoughts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2022): She's not stupid. She's not giving him the upper-hand, or any opportunity to wrangle the property out of her shared-possession. The lady is getting the best in legal advice. He's not filling you in on all the details; because it's really none of your business.
Obviously, he has to look like the victim of an unreasonable wife; and you're an observer, and probable character-witness should anything go-down. Your bias will not allow you to see the fine print and underlying issues.
Neither is budging from the property, and she'll take his insults; because that too can be used against HIM! Serving him meals and him eating them, is neither here nor there. I would be careful eating something prepared by somebody I verbally-abuse!!!
That extra secret-ingredient may be something disgusting and quite unpalatable!
Keep your appropriate distance from the domestic matters of others, and remain neutral. You don't know the innerworkings of all this. If you're not his attorney, you don't need to know.
You can be supportive, but if you choose sides; you'll run the risk of being on the wrong side, and hurting someone who has done nothing to you. Then you'll also get dragged into the legal grinder. It's not really a matter you need to insert yourself. Let them deal with it; and just be a supportive, but noninterfering, friend.
If your interest in all this is due to a romantic-pursuit after the husband; you couldn't have chosen the worst time!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 January 2022):
 Legally, if either of them leaves the house the other can claim a bigger stake in the property and or use it as "ammo" (abandonment) - so they both stay.
Plus perhaps either (or both) can't afford the expenses of two households for now.
Seems like they CAN behave civilly towards each other and I don't see a problem with that.
Also, I don't see how this is any of your business. Are you waiting to start something with him as soon as the divorce is done?
If so, I'd give it a GOOD full year before jumping in. He needs to process the break-up and what went wrong in the marriage. BEFORE he starts anything romantic with someone else. Otherwise, YOU end up the rebound.
If you are just a worried friend, just listen and let him vent.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (16 January 2022):
 I would imagine she has sought legal advice and has been told to remain in the property until such time as the sale goes through and they can then go their separate ways.
I guess they both know the marriage is over, so rather that being at each others throats, they are making the best of it and trying to make living together amicable and smooth.
I rather perplexed by your post really, being amicable and having dinner together is surely better than shouting and tearing lumps out of each other.
Just let them get on with it.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (16 January 2022):
 Why is this bothering you? Are you looking for a relationship with him? If so, you need to tread very carefully and take things very slowly. I strongly suspect this IS the reason you ask the question, otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned that he "can't look at her face" and that he "talks terrible about her".
If not, then I really don't see why the way they choose to co-exist is any of your business. It's not an ideal situation but they are making the most of it. They've probably been together for a long time so why shouldn't she make him the occasional meal if she is cooking for herself? She is being an adult and it's partly probably force of habit. Leave them to run their lives as they see fit.
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