A
female
age
41-50,
*abbytab
writes:Im in a lesbian relationship of 2 and a half yrs. My girlfriend and I have been going through a lot of bs lately. She is my best friend we talk about everything. I havent been able to take her out lately due to financial issues. She has recently got a new job. She considers them as her team they're all men. Shes been telling me lately she wants some space that I need to take her more often. recently my gut feeling has me thinking that she is cheating because she called a guy one of her new friends at 3am. I confronted her about it she told me hes just a friend that she works with sometimes. But she has been calling more more than I had thought just that one time. We had an argument the same day she called him at 3am. She called him and myself back to back. I told her I didn't like it at all. She stills calls him when im not around I know this because I go online to check the call log history. She has me feeling like shes hiding things from so that's why I went online. She doesn't want to kiss me on my lips only when she wants to. She says that shes grown she doesnt have to call me when I feel she should cause I made plans with her. to me it feels like she is cheating but not she wants to be friends with men and im jealous and insecure but I havent even met this FRIEND she been calling so much she calls him even when they dont work together. She's being sneaky and I feel like she trying to manipulate me. She has 3 kids I have none. I love the kids so much. HELP me please
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best friend, insecure, jealous, lesbian Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lover06 +, writes (9 April 2011):
I agree with that the dude that you two need to talk very honestly to each other. if i had to put myself in your shoe, i would tell her ,i don't like it when she hides things from me, and what ever she is or not having with the guy , she needs to be straight up with it , if she talks about feeling's been hurt, well isn't that already happening, what's the worst can happen. Put it out there let to be know that you are willing to set her free, to go do what she wants to. Stand up be strong for your self and be understanding to her at the same time. i know it's not easy, it will not be easy either but you have to put your feet down too don't let her roll you around. Be a strong confident woman . you may love her, care about her, respect her and all that, but if she doesn't do the same back for you, what does it tell you. Honey i know it is easy said then done. I am a lesbian myself, and no i will not allow no woman to walk over me no matter how much i love her. i tell them straight up if you want somethings else, all you have to do is tell me i will surely let go , it will hurt but i will coz i cant stand to be cheated on or lied on, save both the pain and tell the truth. well wish you all the best , hope things do work out for you. take care.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (8 April 2011):
 Her defensiveness is a direct result of her feeling guilty because she knows what she's doing is wrong. She fights you about this because she knows she would hate it if you did the same thing. This behavior is very common of someone who is cheating or considering cheating.
You're also right that she's being a coward. Unfortunately that comes with the territory. I fear you'll be forced to be the bad guy here even though she drove you to it.
Unless she talks openly and honestly about this, I don't see your relationship surviving. I'm sorry to say it. Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, tabbytab +, writes (8 April 2011):
tabbytab is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thank you for youre response. I fell like im starting to become insecure jealous and controlling only because of the things that are happening. She makes me fell like im really crazy. Yesterday she told me to leave her the hell alone and stay away from because im making her emotional. I told her youre making me emotional. Evry time I guy is put in the situation its youre insecure youre turning off. I cant deal with this anymore. Then after telling me to leave her alone yesterday what does she do calls me to tell me she loves me and am i coming back home. Its like she wants this to be over over go on hiatus but cant be the one to really mean it so I have to do all the hardest part which is letting go.The phone calls to men late at night when im not around gets to me so much because if the shoe was on the other foot she would fighting me cursing me out and other stuff. its like im damned if I dont do anything and damn if I say something to her. its like she annoyed by me
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (8 April 2011):
I agree, it sounds like something is up. Just what? Hard to say. Usually your gut instinct is pretty accurate in these situations though. You sense something is wrong, and you need to trust that. If she seems like she's hiding something, she probably is. Ultimately it boils down to trust and communication. It seems like both of these are slipping right now. You need to be very honest with her about that. It's not a control issue in my opinion. Ask her to put herself in your shoes and look at her behavior of late. Hopefully she can see what she is doing and the impact it's having.
Honestly though, I'd be preparing for the worst if I were in your place.
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