A
male
age
41-50,
*oul83
writes:I thought things were settling down after a recent spate of arguments between us. Here is a bit of background:I've always had a problem with my time management. I try to get around this by just forcing myself to set my watch faster etc. This has always annoyed my fiancee.We've had some bad fights because of her temper and my actions. On these occassions, I've turned to a close friend to vent.Now last night, we had a get-together of my mate, myself, my fiancee and her closest friend. Towards the end of the evening, the spotlight turned to me and it was suddenly time to put me down and start talking about me being a bit different. All three just agreed that I was a bit strange... I cannot believe that my fiancee would openly sit there and laugh about me like that.Later we talked a bit more and she admitted that the reason she's been extra nice to me lately is to prevent me from complaining and because she doesn't want to continue exhausting herself fighting with me to change. She claims I keep making the same mistake of not managing my time and that she would rather just try to accept that this is who I am and that it's not her business if I make mistakes.At least her temper has stopped. She's asked me if I think she's abnormal. Personally, I'm beginning to think that everyone has a point that I'm the one that's different. Why is it that I've had to go through my life putting up with being put down? It happened in high school (especially after my back operation and I was forced to wear a brace for a while), it happened in uni because I was shy and not so confident. Now it's happening here in China.I was hoping she could have been more flexible. I mean when I first got here to China I didn't know my way around and often took longer to reach a designated point (or had to call a friend for directions). At the end of the night we chose to walk in spearate directions with our friends. She arrived home first and asked me how long I would be to which I replied about 10 mins. Of course, it took a bit longer than 10 mins to get back to my apartment. She let it slide (because she's 'changing') but in the past we would have had a huge fight about me not getting back in less than 10mins as promised on the phone... I want to just think that my miscommunication caused a problem. I thought she would understand when I said I was walking around near home and that she would accept that I might be a bit more than 10mins as I was with my mate.I cannot keep living like this. I can fix the time management. I want reader's suggestions about how they would feel if their partner was late or held the belief (like mine) that coming home a bit later than the time promised would be ok because I'm out with a mate.Why would she turn around and say to me that she's just treating me well to stop me complaining and that she's doing it to stop exhausting herself? It's pretty much like she's fed up...but then she turns around and says she loves me and to not think too much!
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (9 October 2010):
 If you can fix the time management problem as you say, then why dont you?
By constantly being later than promised (you use the word promise) or held up by mates you are actually sending a message that your mates are more important than she is.
A
female
reader, angelalb  +, writes (9 October 2010):
My husband is always late. It takes him longer to get ready than it takes me. I am always waiting for him when we are about to go out somewhere. I now it runs in the family. Sure my husband has things that irk me and I am sure I do things that irk him but that is who we are. We can accept that and not make a big deal out of it. I knew these things before I married him. You cannot change what someone has done all their life before they met you. If you and her can get past the petty stuff you will be able to handle the much bigger things that occur in a marriage. Take Care Daniele
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