A
male
age
30-35,
*asc9
writes:I met a great, pretty girl at my college late this past summer. It felt like there was chemistry from the start, we were talking every day, hanging out a few times a week, texting alot, talking about fun things we could do in the future. It seemed like since every night, she was telling me how much she was enjoying this, and how I was such a great guy. The thing is, though, she is a hardcore, devout Christian, and so am I, and I thought this would be a plus for us. We even began to snuggle and cuddle a little, and began to talk about "what ifs" if were to get into relationship, and even established some ground rules, such as no premarital sex, which I was perfectly fine with. Then, one night, I kissed her, and gave her a back massage, cuz she said it was bothering her. Other times through the night, she would initiate a kiss.. At that point, I was excited because I thought she was mine. Unfortunately, this was kinda short lived. Things went the same way for a few days, and then we were talking one night. It seems one of her friends told her that she didn't think I was a true enough Christian. Then, she started telling me that she felt that I was trying to tempt her with the massage and the kiss, which really isn't true. And then, she began telling me that she wanted me to grow in my walk with God before a relationship could happen between us.Since then, everything has been kinda up and down. We'll hang out, and still hug, and we even talk about having a relationship. But, when I tell her how I feel, she tells me the same thing about improving my relationship with God. I've even been discussing church sermons and bible verses with her, trying to show her I am really close with God.Any suggestions on what I should do now? Like, I felt I had legitimately found someone special, and I would hate for all the time we spent together to go to waste.
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male
reader, pasc9 +, writes (13 October 2010):
pasc9 is verified as being by the original poster of the question hey everyone, thanks very much for your help.. Unfortunately, I talked with her today, and it sounds like she is transferring to another school, because she feels homesick too often. So it may just be one of those cases where it just wasn't meant to be, and nothing can be done..
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): This girl is crazy man. There are two types of religious people. Sane religous people, and lunatics. You seem sane, she seems crazy. She seemed to think you were fine until her friend said something, and she seemed to be cool with her kissing you...but you're the one that needs work? Just find a normal church girl dude that will be happy she met a good guy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): Religion... some people just don't get it.
They spend so much time reciting and following the Bible that they never take the time to understand the morality it teaches.
And you know what that is? Don't judge people. Treat them always, with respect and kindness no matter hoe much of an asshole they are or what particular belief system they follow, if any.
It's why I am an Agnostic. I respect and understand Christianity, Catholicism, Buddhism and whatever other religion. I understand why people need it.
What I cannot condone is how narrow it makes some people. How they won't accept anyone who does not share their beliefs or worship their god in the same way.
Fanatics of any kind should be avoided if possible. Because you cannot reason with them. You'd ave better luck trying to convince a Terminator not to kill you.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, MG GAY GUY  +, writes (9 October 2010):
This is a really tricky one - but the answer is simple. If someone tells you that you have to change in some way, or in any way for there to be a progression in the relationship, it is only setting a precedent for you to be 'changed' on a regular basis. We have to be loved for who we are not for what someone wants us to be.
I don't know what on earth she is really asking you to do - it would be so much better if she said "You have to run a marathon, learn to cook perfect French cuisine and grow your hair long" Those are things you know you have attained when you have done them. Such a nebulous demand that you "Grow with God" is open to massive interpretation - how are you to ever know when you are heading in the right direction? It is also a great way to keep you dangling while she makes up her mind if she wants to be with you or not. The labors of Hercules would be easier to attain. Move on - she isn't being very fair to you, and you sound like a really good person. Don't put up with it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): This girl needs to get off her religious pedestal. Put things in perspective to her. In the day and age we live in, if you were a typical guy, you would have been long gone if she hadn't given it up to you eons ago. Take religion out of it, and really put it in perspective for her, so she realizes what a ditz she is being if she loses you. What kind of cold, un-intimate puritanical kind of man is she hoping to find? Even my old fashioned grandmother had her ideal of "no sex before marriage, but you should kiss and touch and hold hands before marriage", and she was the wife of a priest. She should be more worried if you DON'T desire to kiss and touch her. It's absolutely in-human to not desire intimacy and touch, sexual or non-sexual. "Love is touch. Touch is love." Perhaps you should just show her this post.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): Hey pal!
Anyone who cannot accept you for you are is not worth your time. I feel she would be forcing religion on you and thus you wouldnt be following religion on your own natural path to help your relationship with God. I was actually interrogated by my ex GFs parents as her father was a minister. They even criticized me for being exposed to Islam. I was agnostic and on the fence for a long time and no matter what anyone said to me, I still knew what was best for myself. Religion came naturally and slowly to me and it should for you as well. I believe you have good morals and values, keep it up! However, do not feel pressured by anyone to do anything just because they think its best for you at the time. It may be one of those things that you have the desire, but you dont wanna be forced and more importantly, you dont wanna do it for someone else other than yourself. I feel if you started a relationship it would start on a wrong note as this from an outside persepctive can be seen as someone being controlling which in the short and long term creates vast communication issues and trust. Therefore, Id be very very cautious about entering a relationship with this woman. Good luck.
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female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (9 October 2010):
 The reason i mentioned that her friend could be jealous was that I had a friend who was jealous of a relationship I was in, we were both youth group leaders at our church and every time I got close to a guy, in an emotional way, we'd hang out, start seeing each other, go on dates, but once it got close to being official, she would try and talk me out of everyone by saying God wouldn't approve of it and we weren't doing anything wrong now that I think about it.
This girl isn't my friend anymore, it took me too long to realize what jealousy could do to people, even people who are chrisitans. Christians are not above humanity...christians are still people and deal with every emotion, even the ugly ones.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (9 October 2010):
 Perhaps you should remind her that what you two feel for each other is completely benevolent, from what you are describing, this is the most affectionate and romantic, none lustful relationship I have read about in a long time. Would God not smile upon it? What if it was not you who tried to tempt her? What if it really was her friend who was trying to manipulate her in an attempt to ruin something to pure? What if what LLindy87 said was true and your girlfriend's friend was jealous? Remind her that, you two are doing nothing wrong and you know in your heart (or you SHOULD know in your heart) that God is/would be overjoyed by such a union of hearts. Jesus himself taught that relationships such as yours are in a magnificent thing (though, those were not his exact words).
Unfortunately, a relationship with God is not something someone can prove easily to others. But, perhaps, in light of the fact that you two are already very intimate with each other, I suppose you could always try and pray with her and show her how you speak to God, how spiritually intimate you are with God and how much you trust such a deity to guide you. Trust in God shows closeness. That is just a suggestion but, it is up to her and you can do naught but try your best.
I hope that helps.
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male
reader, pasc9 +, writes (9 October 2010):
pasc9 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much everyone, I appreciate it..
I realize that God is the only one to judge my walk with him, and not her.. I have tried telling her that I was just trying to be a good guy when I kissed her and gave her the massage.
I will likely take your advice, and give her a little more time. Ordinarily, I probably would have moved on awhile ago. But we had so much in common, I don't want to give up on her just yet.
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female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (9 October 2010):
who is she to judge your walk with God? Sounds like her friend was jealous or judgemental about the massage and she,your girlfriend, was easily influenced by her friend's opinion of you.
Its a crappy situation because nothing wrong happened, especially if you didn't mean to tempt her, along with that its going to be hard and tempting as your relationship proceeds with ANYONE you date or she dates because as you date that person emotions grow and it will be tempting to be physically close to the person.
its normal that she was tempted, adn the fact that you weren't trying to tempt her intentionally means that it wasn't anything to do with your walk with God.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): Ive been in a relationship quite similar to yours where the guy told me that i was tempting him by kissing him or being affectionate with him. we had the same rules as u guys did and i never thought of breaking these rules. he told me something similar about being closer to God and you know what, nothing i said or did could show him that i had a close walk with God so I stopped trying to show him because I know my reletionship with God... the best i can say is keep trying ur best if you really like this girl if she keeps doubting u, there is nothing else u can do but let her go
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