A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been married to my husband for about 10 months and together with him for about 5 years. I'm a housewife, he is a great guy. He is a faithful, loving and caring person. He works hard for me. We are both Christians. As a Christian, I know that it is very bad to have even feeling toward another man. We recentrly moved to new city...new apartment. I'm having a feeling toward an apartment mentainace guy. He is handsome and my type. I do not think that I'm going to do anything with him at all. But this feeling is the feeling I've never experienced with my husband. My husband is great guy but I started thinking that I do not love him truly after all. I kind da regreted that I married. It is not easy to have sex with my husband anymore. Because he is a great guy, and I as Christian, this kind of thinking is sin and killing me. I do not know what to do anymore, it is so mean and unfair to keep this feeling inside of me and stay married with him. In fact, when my husband prposed me, "do I really want?" is the first thing that passed in mind.I hate myself, thinking as bitch and whore. Please help me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): This guy you have feelings for, reduce your contact with him. avoid talking to him, dont look him in the eye, dont hug him or touch him, look for his flaws or something. Thats the practical part. The part abt u feeling u're a whore and hating urself, dont let the devil get in ur head. he will do anything to stop u from praising God. when its time for you to praise God, he'll be like you know you're a whore. why do u want to praise God or dare ask him for anything when ur mind is unpure...
another practical thing. meditate. I mean find a quiet place, sit or lie down, clear your mind. u can use a soft music or just silence which I normally prefer. breathe in and out, calm yourself. then think of your husband. what made you fall inlove with him in the first place? think of what a caring person he is, how handsome he is...etc remember your marriage, your vows. remember that falling for this other man is adultery because you already have it in your heart, do not entertain it. think of how you've let the devil or your flesh put this in your head and how you've let it affect you and that you cant even get it out of your head. then pray. pray to God for strength. fast to deny yourflesh and let the spiritual part of you get hold of you instead of your flesh... and I pray it works sister!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): I am feeling the same thing as you. I think that we both need to really think about the big picture here. We married these men because we love them. When people get married, things change. Maybe not as much passion, house, cars, bills, etc. I know it seems like it is different, new and fun, but in the long run, will we be happy? I feel that this "crush" is exactly what it is, a crush. Will this other man be what our husbands are? Probably not. I think (at least for me), I need to forget about this person and concentrate on my marriage. I am scared of making a life-changing mistake. Its very hard for me because I work with him, and I am with him daily. Is is work all the time, love, and dedication we put into our marriages? I am thinking no. I am hoping I can be strong and truly believe that.
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A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (2 March 2007):
 First of all, calm down! Theres no need to panic and call yourself names!! I dont know if this will help but its a very very natural thing to feel this way, ESPECIALLY when you're married. As they say, the grass always seem greener on the other side!! Its totally understandable that you find other guys attractive (or as you put it, your type), but make sure you dont mistake lust for love!! A lot of people have made that choice, only to find out soon after that its not what they actually want and that they should have stuck with what they had in the first place. But let me forewarn you that once you make that leap, chances are its a one way street and theres no going back.
I am a Chirstian myself, and no, I dont think youve done anything wrong at all! I absolutely disagree that having this uncontrollable attraction for another man besides your husband is a sin, its only a sin if you do something about it, ie, commiting adultery!! And besides, its not like you could've stopped yourself from feeling the way you felt.
However, this shouldnt be a problem if you just find this guy attractive (as it naturally happens), but it is now because this attraction for this other guy is causing you to question your 'love' for your husband!! If you have doubts about your marriage and feeling totally uncomfortable with being married to him, I suggest you be honest with him and tell him how you feel. You both might want to try counselling, but if that still doesnt work, maybe the best thing to do is to go your separate ways and be free from the guilt. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007): look, he's your husband for goodness sake don't worry. how do you think you were born?! don't eat yourself up and if your worried talk to your husband i'm sure he'll understand.
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A
female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (1 March 2007):
You have not actually done anything wrong, so hating yourself and calling yourself a bitch and a whore is making you feel bad and is actually not helpful to the situation. Stop it. Instead, try consoling yourself with things like: there there, it's okay to find this difficult and you are a good person for worrying about how to do the right thing.
The most important question is whether you are happy in your relationship with your husband - does he fulfill your needs? Do you know what your needs are? Try reading: Are You the One for Me?: Knowing Who's Right and Avoiding Who's Wrong by Barbara De Angelis.
Next, remember that the maintenance man represents your neighbour's grass, which always looks greener. If Brad Pitt were your maintenance guy, you might well fancy him - but that doesn't mean that you don't love your husband, or will feel compelled to act on your attraction. The person who looks attractive often has many other failings which you could not live with.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (1 March 2007):
 You are infatuated with this man, nothing more. He looks good and you have been with your husband almost 6 years and have had no one else. Put these feelings out of your head. You said your husband is a good man. Show him attention, spice up your love life. Go away for a sexy weekend and hire the honeymoon suite. Try and be more adventurous where sex is concerned. Buy sexy lingerie to turn him on.
If you concentrate on your husband this man won't mean so much to you. Keep thinking positive and tell yourself you aren't interested in this other man. Pray to your God and ask for help. These thoughts are happening because YOU are letting them happen. Focus your mind on more wholesome thoughts and focus your attention on your husband and these feelings will soon disperse.
Eve
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