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writes: I am a 38 yr old women. I have been married for 18 yrs now, I have been seeing someone that is 9 yrs younger than me. I am so in love with this guy. He has shown me how I should really be loved. Just recently he told me that he loves me but he can't do this situation anymore. He wants yo be with me on a more serious level. I have always told him that I was going to leave my husband because I am not happy with him anymore I just don't love him anymore. I have stuck out my marrige this long for my kids. I told my lover I wanted to wait till my daughter graduated which she has. Now I'm trying to get things started so I can leave husband but my lover does not want to be there to support me. He says he needs time to heal, the situation has mad him sour and the last thing he wants is to be mean to me. I don't understand what that means?? Someone help me!! I love him so much I just don't know what to do! By the way my lover still lives with his parents Reply to this Question
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reader, shane in dallas  +, writes (11 October 2009):
 OMG... So many issues.... Ok, First things first. You are married. If you keep coming up with reasons to not end it, then you need to rethink why. You may not like your husband right now, but if you're still in it, then maybe there is a way to fix it. The excuse about the kids is one of the common stupid reasons to stay. Trying to get things started is another... Since your daughter graduated, now is a good transition time to rediscover what you loved about your husband, who the two of you have become and reconnect, and remember why you made the commitment to him in the first place.
Now the lover: He lives with his parents... at 30.... He obviously has his own life issues that are unresolved. And you don't want to end up being a parent figure to him. He'd be going from one mom to another. You may love him, but it doesn't sound like you're in love with him. The affair was most likely excitement you felt was missing from your life -- excitement that you can recapture with your husband. If you got married at 20, then you may feel you missed out on a lot of your adventurous youth. Your husband may feel the same way. It's time for a 2nd start on your marriage and having adventures together is a great way to do it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2009): Your lover is 29 years old and still lives with his parents.
You were merely a "safe" relationship, one that he didn't have to worry about going anywhere because you were married, now that you want to leave your husband for him he has come to his senses and realizes you are a cheater, an unfaithful wife who is willing to hurt her entire family for another man.
Who wouldn't back off from you? I would run a mile if I were in his shoes. And by the way, any man that is living with mommy and daddy is not standing on his own two feet.
He isn't mature enough for a real relationship especially one with a woman and her kids from a prevous marriage.
These kinds of relationships that begin in infidelity and end up together have less than a 1% chance of surviving a year after the divorce.
I feel sorry for your husband. If you want a divorce tell him so he can be rid of a woman who is using him.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 October 2009):
HE needs time to heal? From what? This actually sounds more like he's known that you were unhappy, took advantage of you, was sure you'd never leave and said all those things so he could have his way with you. That's not a good start. And he's still living with his parents as well, even though he's 29? I can understand if he's broke, or if they're elderly and need a lot of care. But unless it's either of those two things, then really you have to ask yourself whether this guy is worth it. If he won't support you, even emoitonally while you make this move, then he's no good at all. Whatever happens, you must end your marriage now. Let your husband go to find someone else. You then have a lot of thinking to do, and some serious talking to do with your lover. I don't think he's interested enough if you want the truth. And instead of wasting time on him, why don't you make a clean break and spend time on yourself, making yourself feel loved so that you can find someone who will support you and want to be with you.
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