A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello all, this is slightly long so bear with meSo i need some advice. i am a 22 year old male. i am in my first relationship, she the only women i have been with. We met through work and are at a distance, so it is slightly hard, it being at a distance and it being my first real relationship, along with the fact that we a living abroad at the moment. We have been dating for about 9 months and we really click, we spent this past summer traveling together, but otherwise 5 of the 9 months have been apart, if not a little more than that. At the moment we are thinking about after our work overseas is done next summer, what to do and if 'we' is the proper way to plan.She is 5 years older than me and has had several relationships and other sexual partners, she is my first. Also I have always known that i am kind of bi-curious, it has come up because i make comment some times. We have talked about it and talking about it makes me almost more sure that i am bi. It worries her to an extent, that there is this side of me that i have not explored and dont know about, and just that i am bi period, to her it is not a normal relationship because of that and it scares her sometimes. I am not sure if it is the fact that we are at a distance but the fact that i have not been with anyone but her, i have not explored other people sexually, men or women, kind of worries me at some times. We really click and she is someone that i could see myself marrying one day. Yet i have never been in any other serious relationships, and just wonder if i am missing anything out there. I think she is to good to risk loosing to go and try out other people, yet it bothers me sometimes.Also i have a history of depression, sever depression that i am finally just ridding myself of. Part of that has been that feeling that no one would want to date me, so while i have had women show interest before, i was never fully there mentally to try and make something work. In many ways i was to scared to go out on a limb like that. So if i were to try and see what else is out there, i fear that i wont know what to do or how to date properly or even more importantly that i wont find someone as amazing as her. My self esteem and confidence have been on the rise and i have learned a lot from her. And i do love her.I always had the desire wait until i get married and only be with that one person, and yet now i am wondering if it is the right thing to do. I just dont know what to do. I want to stay with her and make this work and have a wonderful relationship with her. yet doing so would mean i would have to give up the chance to explore other people sexually and explore that bi side. I feel that being a distance makes this worse. When all i want is a hug or some minor physical affection and i cannot have it, well then my mind wanders and has some fantasies to try and compensate and all of this stuff comes up more often and stronger than when we are togetherDo you have any advice or experience with this type of situation? i do not think it is a rare story on a level.
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male
reader, shane in dallas +, writes (11 October 2009):
 Hi. Usually the "bi" thing is a cover for gay with young people, due to the stigma that society still unfairly carries with homosexuals and as people develop who they are, not only sexually, but in all the other areas of ourselves (mentally, socially, physically, etc). I do agree that there are people who are legitimately bi, many people/many variances. If the depression stems from your unresolved self issues, then hopefully as you work them out, they will disappear and be replaced with healthier views. (Of course, there will always be life issues, but hopefully you'll continue to strengthen as you grow).
The bi part will never go away. Period. It is important to the both of you that you be honest with her about it and if you explore that together or apart will be up to you both. It would not be good to become one of those people who marries, has a home and kids and secret homo affairs on the side to be real to themselves.
As for the long distance thing... It's not easy. It takes flexibility with the rules, stamina in love and endurance in patience. At some point, you have to decide if the love is worth persuing and one of you has to make the move to be together (or both in a new start somewhere). In my long distance experience, we did as much as possible over the phone to cover all the areas; then made the effort to see each other every 2 or 3 months.
Good luck on your life journey :-)
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