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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend gets upset about my past (not really a wild past, but it upsets him). He's very confused, because he loves me. However, he says rationally, he knows the past is long gone and that I love him now, but that irationally he can't help feeling like that (anger, hurt, jealousy). He says he wishes he didn't feel that way, that if he could choose he wouldn't feel all that. I believe him, because I've been in a similar situation. How can I help him? It breaks my heart to think that he's undergoing so much unwanted pain that he doesn't want to feel, but he doesn't know how to stop it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): The first answer said it was emotional manipulation. She obviously does not understand what he is going through. She doesn't understand retroactive jealousy if she thinks he has that level of control over feeling this. It's not a willing emotion on his part.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009): First "YOU" can't do anything for him. HE needs to get his ass in gear and work through these highly destructive attitudes. His response is irrational, as he's got anger over your past prior to him.If he doesn't get some assistance with working thought this it could grow even worse. As it is, it sounds as if your relationship is strained.All you can do is (a) reassure him that your with him now (this is NOT a daily mantra... once or twice is normal, daily, pathetic and (b) tell him to get seek some assistance - be kind in this, be supporting, go with him when you need to...
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A
female
reader, OmShantih  +, writes (10 October 2009):
 Your question is a little confusing, as to why he is feeling like this.
What he a part of your past?
Is it still affecting you now?
To be honest, I dont think the is much to say other than 'get over it' there is no way you can change whats gone on in the past, but you can change whats going on right now and whats going on in the future, He really has no reason to feel like this, it was YOUR past, and its done. He is going to end up spoiling his future with you if he continues to dwell on something that no one has any control over.
Personaly, I think you need to tell him to get a grip and to a certain degree I think he is emotionally manuipulating you by using something that is obviously a vulnerable subject to make you feel sorry for him.
I may be getting completely the wrong end of the stick, it is hard to answer with the details you've given, but I honestly dont see how its his problem?!
Sorry If my advice is out of context.
I will you all the best.
Love and Light.
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