A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am bi and constantly struggle with my sexuality. If I am with a guy then I long for a girl and vice versa. Only a small part of it is sexual but most part of it is emotional and psychological - like holding hands with a woman feels so different emotionally and psychologically than holding hands with a man...both feelings I crave.I have tried posting on here before but people often give advise making assumptions about being bi or how it might be to be bi or siggest I should seek the person inside or when I meet the right person I would stop feeling this way or advice on how to make myself more "straight" or "les"- but I am telling you it is NOT possible for me to just be with a man and never long for a woman and vice versa. I have tried my whole life and only end up being miserable! Most bisexuals are either more into men or women - then they compromise and settle for the one they prefer. My problem is I am dead in the middle - 50 / 50 so I do not know how to compromise without being miserable.I tried having seperate relationship - ie seperate gf and bf but that was even more stressful with having to divide my time equally and jealousies setc. I think my perfect ideal relationship would be one with 3 people - like a threeway with a girl and a guy (of course I know that is not at all possible and even selfish - but it is perhaps the only sort of relationship where I may feel "ok" but know that is not possible...perhaps I am better off being alone) I am with a guy who is great and the most amazing human being but still I have that longing and it will ALWAYS be there whether I am with a man OR a woman...it is not fair on the person I am with! It depresses me so much - I am always tormented by my emotions and no one ever seem to TRULY understand how I feel. Sometimes I feel it would be better if I was never born than to have to live every day of my life like this with the torment, depression and stuggles of my sexuality. There are no solutions - only if I can somehow make myself only desire ONE...to either be straight or les, and I do not know how to do that. I am so frustrated and depressed, I hate living my life this way and truly there are no solutions other than pretending or trying to live a life or just being alone forever.
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female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (22 April 2008):
 Just a thought... but could it be that you simply haven't found the PERSON that's right for you?
A threeway relationship is always going to be difficult, and my advice would be to avoid taking that route if you possibly can.
When you're with someone, your long for something that person hasn't got - and yet you say that only a small part of it is sexual. Take a deep look at what you're feeling, if you can. I think your desires may be very specific, and someone out there is going to be absolutely perfect for you - not least because ALL of us have a different balance of maleness/femaleness in us; no one is totally one or the other, much as most of us try to be quite specific about our sexuality. When you find someone who has the right balance to match with your own needs, then that will be perfection. He, or she, is out there somewhere. Go find them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): What exactly do you need to make yourself feel whole? Sorry if it has been repeated, but only you know for sure. Trying meditation and go inside yourself and ask what you need, ask why you feel the way you do about something. It will take time, but you may reveal what is bothering you inside, and reveal what you need to be doing to be happy.
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A
male
reader, rproctor  +, writes (22 April 2008):
Hm... Have you talked to anyone about this other than on the internet? Here is a though... Try talking to your bf about it, and maybe by venting your emotions to another woman to him it will help relieve some of the strain that you feel by keeping this a secret. If he truly is the greatest guy, he should def understand your situation and help aid you. Nothing anyone tells you here will make a little light turn on in your head with the answer that will change how you feel. You feel how you feel, and there is nothing wrong with that. It is only a problem if you think it is.
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