A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I moved from America to India to marry my husband 7 years ago. Things had been going well, but after almost 2 years in lockdown (very strict in Mumbai) I'm losing my mind. I don't speak any local languages and even if I did, I'd never have anyone to talk to. For companionship I have only my husband who has withdrawn more and more, and treats me like a slave even when he's with me. We haven't had sex in over a year ("Soon," he says!) I'm an outgoing person, and I'm really losing my mind. Can anyone offer any advice? I begin to seriously doubt whether this relationship can be saved, and whether I can be. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, kenny  +, writes (25 November 2021):
 The lockdown has not been easy for anyone, it has spelled to end for many relationships.
You have been there for 7 years now, in this time i'm sure that you know your way around fairly well now. Maybe take up some classes to learn the language, start some classes to get you out and about a bit.
Talk to your husband, express how you feel, and that you feel alone.
If you feel nothing changes, and he is still making no effort at all then maybe you should consider alternative arrangements, such as moving back to America.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2021): Sorry to disappoint you but marriages of this type rarely succeed unless the family is well off. It is not because of the culture clash alone but because of the huge gap in the living standards, hygiene problems, climate difference, government style..etc etc.
Clearly if you add to this the lack of intimacy with your husband I would say this marriage is over.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2021): Things get better. You can get through this.
To me it sounds like your husband isn't a good guy. Maybe you should consider leaving him and coming back to the USA?
In the meantime, why don't you find an online hobby that lets you chat with strangers? (I like playing scrabble-like games, for instance.)
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2021): Well if you are planning to stay there for the rest of your life then learning the local language would be a good start. If the classes have to be online to begin with then this is better than nothing. Do you work? Could you join any clubs for expats? Could you try and find people like yourself in Mumbai and meet them? Is there a notice board you could put a sign up in a local shop and ask for a companion who wants to learn english and you learn from each other? You deserve more than being treated like a slave by your husband. Tell him how you feel. Ultimately if you are miserable there and your husband doesnt love you, then what reason do you have to stay?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 November 2021):
 How about taking some classes in the language native to your country and area? I can't believe you have lived there for 7 years and haven't BOTHERED to learn the language!
If you can't find a tutor, try Babbel! Maybe someone in his family can help out?
And then develop a hobby. Take the time to do things you enjoy. Do some Facetime with friends and family.
Set some boundaries with your husband, sit him down, and talk without blaming him for everything. Tell him how you feel and how isolated you feel.
The lockdowns have created havoc for many people. All we can do is make the best of it. Talk to your husband, make it work. IF you can't, you will have to figure out what the next step is for you.
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A
female
reader, ConfusedCarrie84 +, writes (23 November 2021):
This marriage can't be saved. He is treating you like a traditional Indian wife. What did you expect when moving from America to India? Did you have a discussion on how your marriage or relationship would be when moving there? Sounds liek you didn't. You don't agree with how wives are treated in Indian but you married one and moved there so you have to follow tradition.
When your husband responds by telling you that he will be intimae with you soon, don't hold your breath. He won't. I'd leave Indoa and go back to America.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2021): Although we live in different countries I am in a similar situation to you. I am housebound,disabled, living with my husband, only him for company. He spends time working and on his hobbies and watching tv, there is not much time he spends with me and when he does he wants us to watch tv together! I have already had hours and hours that day on my own when I can do that so I am not jumping for joy at the idea of doing it with him when he finally has time for me. He is not into communication unless it's about which film should we watch etc, or the weather etc, nothing of any importance.
You need to find your own way and not rely on him for anything. Take what you can from him and your relationship - whether that be financial support, or someone to put the washing machine on, and be your own best friend. And do not allow him to treat you like a slave. Say no to whatever those demands and orders are. As for not having sex, be grateful, he does not sound like the sort of man who would be much use at sex, too selfish and uncommunication, thank your lucky stars it is sexless. Do not throw yourself at him as if he is doing you a favour if he wants you, make yourself attractive and pretty and let him come to you.
And then you decide if it is yes or no. You are allowing him to call all the shots, and then complaining when the results of that do not suit you. Take more control. And if needed and none of this works walk away. Better to walk away after seven years than wait another seven years and lose fourteen. Only you know if it can work and be saved in some form.
But you are the one who is unhappy so you are the one who must make the necessary changes and boundaries. In the meantime go on forums online for online friends - cautiously - not sending people money and all that crap - contact with the outside world which is two way and fair, it is better than no contact with others at all.
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