A
female
age
51-59,
*tuck here
writes:Help! I'm almost 37 and live with my parents with my husband and 4 children. We moved in two years ago when my husband was an alcholic (recovered now) and the bottom dropped out- we lost everything we had. Now we live with my parents and are trying and succeeding to get back on our feet and will be there soon. The problem is that I hate living here. I am beginning to hate my parents. I can't wait to move out. I dream about it daily. It wont happen for about another 6 months- how do I hold on till then?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2007): You don't say what is it that they do or not do that makes you hate them so much but I understand because I'm in my thirties also and have to live with mine too and it's very disgusting for me. In my case they have been very controlling and have made me the very insecure person I am today so that's why I don't care about bothering them with my presence because I feel they deserve the punishment.
Forget about what others say. It doesn't matter how much your parents have sacrificed for you, you are entitled to your own feelings and if you feel like that nobody is in your skin to tell you how you should feel or not. You don't have to let others walk over you because they have made a 'sacrifice' for you. They did it because they wanted to.
The only way I think you can cope with the situation is by limiting your conversations with them. Barely talk to them, go out a lot and breathe. Do anything and everything you can to spend more time outside the house. Try to involve your kids in extra curricular activities, find new friends, get involved in church, take long walks with your kids and husband, etc. You don't have to wait six more months to get out of there you can do it today by spending more time outside the house.
A
male
reader, Uncle Trev  +, writes (10 November 2007):
I think what you need to focus on is where you would all be today if your parents hadn't have came up trumps with what can only be described as a phonomenal lifeline.
I do not know many parents who would have done all they have done especially as your husband chose to put you all in a horrible situation through his selfishness. Your parents have had the heart to put their lives on hold to help you out.
It would have been much nicer if your question dealt with the subject matter of "What should I do to show my thanks and depth of gratitude for my parents that have helped us up out of the gutter."
Showing a despiration to get out away from them like this shows no gratitude whatsoever.
Just think where you would have all been if they hadn't have helped you all out - for christs sake you may not have even had your children with you by now.
I believe you Americans have a saying I think I should use here.
"WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE"
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2007): Try making this the best 6 months you have spent with your parents...ever - hopefully you having to live there like this is the last time. It is understandable to be claustrophobic and resentful but turn your thinking right around and by doing the opposite and channelling your energy positively you will find the bad feelings melt away. Maybe cook a lovely meal, hold a thank you party (nothing too flash but sentimental and meaningful) plan a day out. Your parents have been incredibly supportive and I think you are too close to see this. Set weekly goals of things to do that can help you all.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (9 November 2007):
 Hi Stuck Here!!! Glad to hear things are starting to get better for you. I can understand that you don't like living with your parents - it must be very difficult.
The problems you have encountered over the last few years have probably led to a lot of tensions all round. It won't just be you - I guess everyone in your family and your parents have got some issues that they try to keep under control. Your parents in particular, have sacrificed a great deal for the six of you - so don't fall into the trap of hating them.
To answer your question though - how do you hold on for six months. Keep focussing on your end vision is the answer - it is probably what has worked for you so far. Plan what is going to happen. How it will happen. What needs to be done in the meantime. The more you visualise it - the more it is going to happen. So keep imagining - in more and more detail - and start writing this all down rather than just keep it in your memory. Describe it - what will you feel like - what will be said - what will peoples expressions be like. What will be the signs you can see when you know you are ready to move out.
Breaking the six months into smaller timeframes will also help -say, 6 lots of one month. Write down what progress you expect to make at each month for all the aspects of life that are important to you right now. Then devote your energy and effort into each month's advances. Record the situation at the end of each month. Not only will it help you get through the next six months - you will probably find that more is achieved. Good luck - you have come so far - hold on to your dream - you will emerge as a stronger and more positive person as a result of this - a more powerful and interesting person.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 November 2007):
 There is nothing more disgusting than an ungrateful child. Your parents could have let you live homeless on the street but nooooo they've let you stay in their home (all SIX of you)for more than 2 years and you have the balls to complain? Sheesh, I'm sure glad you aren't one of my kids. Grow up and learn to appreciate others and quit acting like a brat.
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