A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is really long but I think I need some professional help.I have never had much confidence but when I started my new job a few years back it was meant as a new start and I felt really positive, however, after a few weeks things weren't going well, I loved the work but the girls I worked with were nasty and bullies, I didn't want to leave and stuck it out, a new guy started in another part of the building a few months later and I liked him from the first time we met, he was confident, smart etc. and he really helped me out and I don't think I would have stuck it out without him, we have known each other for about a year and a half and when we first me he had a girlfriend he has been single for about a year and now has a bit of a rep as a player (always has I think) but about six months ago we kissed, he doesn't want a relationship with me, just a bit of 'fun' I thought no way at first but because I am well me (never had a boyfriend, never been kissed etc. no friends) I thought why not for once just have some 'fun', it doesn't seem to bother him just kissing and touching (we haven't had sex my choice he wants to) now and again but I want more and I am just pretending that I am cool with it and in a way I am because like I said never been with a guy in anyway before now but I feel cheap and gutted that he doesn't want to date me or care for me. My day feels incomplete if I don't see him but he only talks when it suits. I must say that no one at work knows that we have kissed etc. even although it has happended twice at work. He told me last week that he has a new job and will be leaving next month and I am gutted although I am happy in my job I am really going to miss his support, he says he will keep in touch, don't think so though because he doesn't keep in touch just now like I said only when he is around.I have tried going out more to meet people, I have joined clubs but nothing. I have tried not to confide in him and am trying to avoid him but it just hurts me. He wants to pick me up for work on Friday and I know we would probably have a kiss and I want to because I like him but I have said no to a lift and he has asked me why. HELP
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 January 2010):
Hi there. Your lack of confidence is perhaps the problem here. You feel low, your work is tough because of bullies, and along come a player and for the first time somebody cared, so you jumped at him. I don't blame you at all. But the thing you must do is now build up your own confidence. Chances are because you're very nervous and feel low, people will think you're not interested so wont' talk to you as much. Let this guy go, because he's not really the best person for you right now. Focus on your own life. You're doing the right things with clubs, just open up a bit more. Tell the people you see that you're shy. They'll understand. This guy leaving will be a big opportunity for you to start over. Take it and be brave. You'll get there. And don't take bullying in the workplace either. If you're being bullied, take it to management.
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