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female
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anonymous
writes: I come from India and i live in UK ...what I want to know is where to draw a line between being friendly with a man and being flirtatious. I am not sure how i am suppose to react if an English man hugs me ? Is it a normal custom to hug someone and kiss their hand ?Is it considered a friendly gesture in this country or is it considered flirtatious??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006): Thank you for all your replies. I am moving on from him but I will still have a business contact with him may be through a third party. I would like to have it out with him if he's lying about getting married just to let him know that I never thought that I would be a part of his life, although I did do this before and he makes out that I still do probably boosting his ego, I think he manipulates me because of the way I feel about him. I suppose it's best to keep things amicable. I don't think I'll ever understand men!! Anyway Thanks again, all the best.
Thankyou to Dear Cupid Website too.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006): U have asked about my opinion.....so i think you should move on. It may sound harsh but i think you are wasting time on him. The fact that he has announced to be with someone else and that he goes out with his flatmates and does not include you says a lot i think...whether or not he marries in this case does not matter.
I personally don't think it's anything to do with the backgrounds here. I know it is easy said than done but i think you should move on.....if he wanted you he would have made it known long ago (sorry to sound so harsh). But that's just my opinion...rest is up to you.
Don't let yourself down because of this man. You sound like an independent girl and i am sure you will find someone who would treat you better.
i wish you all the best
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006): Hello Original Poster
That's ok I know what you meant. I have a friend who's so westernised and she married a guy from India and so did her sister. I never expected them to marry someone from India but they are happy.
He knows that I have feelings for him, but we are from different backgrounds and I know that I'm not going to marry him. You see I'm not sure that he's really getting married it could be that he wants me out of his life so he made up a story that he is. He knows the wedding date but when I asked him her name he never replied and then only told me three weeks later. He currently lives in one bedroom and shares a house with 2 - 3 female flatmates and goes out with them and probably other friends he doesn't include me, the only contact I have with him is a business contact. I have wished him all the best with his marriage he says if it goes ahead or we'll see how it goes. He says that his wife will come to the UK within 1 - 2 months of getting married. You know when you get the feeling that something doesn't sound right but maybe I'm wrong. What do you think?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2006): Hey anon again,
I absolutely agree with whatever you have just mentioned about Indian girls who are born and brought up here have family values too. I am not denying that...may be i didn't put it right. From HIS ANGLE, whether somebody agrees with him or not he would still think the same. Little things would probably make a lot of difference to him regarding whom he wants to choose as his partner e.g.same language with no accent, similar jokes, similar school and college experiences, way of thinking, who is going to rule the roost etc ....do you see what i am getting at. If you ask me, all these points might make a bit of difference not a lot. I have known cases from both angles e.g guys from india getting married to Indian girls in UK and Indian guys from uk getting married to indian girls from india (sorry to be confusing) and they are all successful marriages.
From my point of view girls in india have become too westernised themselves. People like him and myself who have lived here for few years are then few years behind where India stands today. We still think from our innocent eyes as we had led our lives there ....but sadly things have really moved on there as well, so if he thinks that he can get a partner there who hasn't gone out with anybody or hasn't slept with anyone he is sadly mistaken.
As far as bringing the girl over....it can take upto 6 months or a year depending on how quickly they do all the paper work.
Everybody has his/her own perspective of what they like and whom they want to choose as a life partner.The question is are you in any way attracted to him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2006): Hello Original Poster
Thanks for your reply I appreciate it. I did ask him why he's marrying a girl from India and not the UK, he said more or less what you did, that being she would have family values. I do believe that girls from the UK have family values too it's not easy running a home and working. He does visit India every year and I know he misses his country. How long would it take for his wife to come to the UK?
Sorry for asking another question as you asked a question to begin with but I'm glad you did. It just helps me to understand things better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2006): Hey anon below,
You mentioned about this fella who has lived here for 10 years and wants to marry a girl from India. I am no expert on what is going on his mind but i'll still try coming from the same environment. He has lived here in UK for sometime does not mean that he has spent his lifetime here which could probably mean that he still misses his culture, the people and yes he respect his family values. When it comes to men in general whatever part of the country they are from, they like to have a bit of fun with everyone but when it comes to marriage they want the wifey type of women who could look after them, respect them and their family. In his case sounds to me that his wifey type of women will be someone from india as he would be able to share similar interests and values as they would come from the same background which is probably not the same as marrying an Indian girl from UK. He probably wants someone who could keep the family tradition and culture on similar terms as himself. When i am saying this does not mean that women born and brought up here are less worthy of him I am just saying that they will have similar perspectives in life coming from similar backgrounds and perhaps will understand him better. I personally have seen huge difference in people who have come from india here and who are born and brought up here (they think differently).
As far as culture shock is concerened as long as that man finds someone who is well educated and speak fairly good english i don't really see any problem with that girl coming here and adjusting here. I did that myself and I am well settled here. Hope that helps
U haven't given much information here but if u need further help i will more than willing to help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2006): I am curious to ask you a question as you're from India. I am indian and having been living in the UK since I was three. Why would a guy who's been living in the UK for 10 years marry a girl from India? Wouldn't it be a culture shock for her, he says it's because of family values. I would grateful for your input.
In answer to your question men can shake your hand on the first meeting, but if they do it all the time I would be suspicious and I would think he's flirting if he kisses your hand.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2006): Hi i am the orginal poster...
REALLY!!!i didn't realise kissing one's hand can be taken as a slimy thing. Is it because it doesn't happen anymore in this stone age. This has happened few times with different men and couple of times the two different men actually put their arm on my shoulder obviously on different occasions and i wasn't sure how to react or what to say so i ignored it. But later i thought may be i should have said something.
Does this gesture mean they were hitting on me or just reassuring me in a friendly way as i am new to them?
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A
female
reader, Juliette  +, writes (23 September 2006):
 In my view it is very flirtatious and inappropriate unless you know him very well. He could be taking advantage of your cultural innocence. be careful. If an Englishman kissed my hand I would consider him slimey.
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A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (23 September 2006):
 It can be used as a friendly manner or a flirtatious one all depending on the person but I would say more so in a friendly manner.
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