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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Where will I find him? The right guy for me? I tried online dating, the only messages I get are from guys that I am not attracted to. They write me nice messages saying how I have beautiful eyes and smile. Its very nice of them to write me nice messages. But I am not interested in them. I don't think I am ugly neither. I am pretty, I am in shape, I am successful - almost done my university degree. On top of all, I am a very genuine and intelligent person. The guys that I do find attractive to some extent, I just said "you seem awesome :)" and that's it but no reply. I will be 22 and still never had a boyfriend nor been out with a guy because its always the ones that I don't find attractive. If they are cute, they still have other traits that makes me not attractive to them - like they don't have goals, and seem like players. I am soo worried now. I feel like I will never find the right guy for me whom I am physically attractive to and emotionally attractive to.
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never had a boyfriend, player, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (29 December 2011):
Sometimes you need to go on bad dates to figure out what you actually want in a significant other. I've gone on some "meh" dates and have had relationships that ended up in heartbreak (both me being the heartbroken and the heartbreaker), but I would never take any of it back. I know that all of these experiences have formed me and have made me aware of the aspects I'd like in someone that the aspects I need to change about myself.
Its like a college degree; sure the piece of paper looks good, but no one is going to believe how great you are because of a piece of paper. You need experience. Dating is no exception. I'm not saying you're undatable by any means, but rather, as others have put it, unapproachable.
See if you can find a guy in your local area who is moderately attractive and at least moderately interesting. Go for drinks/coffee/whatever just for a few hours and see what happens (Note: I'm not telling you to be careless in who you date, but rather "open"). No matter how it goes, you'll learn something about yourself.
A
female
reader, feralfox +, writes (29 December 2011):
I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was almost 20... this past year. I don't want to sound arrogant, but like you I am very attractive and smart and also kind. Like someone else already said, we are intimidating to guys! For years I thought it was because there was something wrong with me, and I couldn't figure out what it was. I attracted a lot of really WEIRD guys.... guys with weird hobbies, like collecting nazi memorabilia and guys who liked to spend their weekends smoking pot and dropping acid. They weren't catches, but I gave dating them a shot and ended up learning a lot about guys and about what I was NOT looking for.
Basically what I am saying is, give them a chance. If they are reasonably attractive and you can find at least one intriguing thing about them, why not go on a date? If anything, you'll at least figure out what you DON'T want and even get some dating experience.
Just go into this with an open attitude, and you'll find that the guys you're looking for will sense this and find you more approachable. I know it's hard, but you just gotta be patient! It will pay off, just don't close yourself off from a potentially great date because you don't like the way his hair flips or something silly like that. You never know until you give it a shot.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (29 December 2011):
 When one of these guys messages you, the first thing to do is find three things that are good about him. Then go on the date, keeping those things in mind. First impressions are very difficult, even for good, decent men - many of whom would otherwise be attractive if you would let them past that first hurdle.
What do you have to lose by going on a few first dates, and trying to look for what's attractive about a guy?
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A
female
reader, XOLoveOX  +, writes (29 December 2011):
Even at 22 take your time, instead of searching for Mr Right let him find you, and try to give more guys a chance, a tip is when they ask you out look deep in to their eyes and if you see too much list (in a wrong way) they are probably a player, but if you can see even a tiny sparkle of hope, happiness, love, nervous, honesty etc. go for it. Hope this helps !
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