A
female
age
36-40,
*organ417417
writes:My fiance had a troubling childhood. His dad didn't take good care of him, his mom was never around and he dealt with A LOT of bullying and being made fun of relentlessly. He married his ex-wife in 1997. Not because he loved her, but because he just wanted "somebody." They are polar opposites and he was never in love with her. They had kids together and he felt trapped. He felt as if he left then he would be leaving his kids and didn't want to do to them what his parents did to him. I also had a troubling childhood. My mom was emotionally neglectful and I also dealt with bullying. I met him in 2006, when he was 28 and I was 18. He was still married at the time. He is a truck driver who drives over the road. We were perfect together. I really can honestly say that I found my soulmate. He treated me like a princess. He said that I made him tear down his wall that he had built up to keep from being hurt. He got divorced and started paying $1,000/month in child support. I went on the road with him for about 6 months and then I moved from Pennsylvania to Missouri to live with him. Once I was on my own and had to get a job, I completely fell apart. He was gone 3 weeks at a time. I didn't know anyone. We struggled financially. I became severely depressed. I would cry and cry and cry. I was fixated on his ex-wife. It sounds weird because he didn't know me at the time, but it hurt me deeply that he wasted so much of his time with her and had his first child with someone he didn't even love. I would go on "rages" and hit him and yell and scream and then just cry. He was SO unbelievably supportive at first. He held me and reassured me as much as he possibly could but nothing made me feel better. Eventually, he stopped trying to reassure me. There was even a point that we were going to be done and move on with our lives. The thing is, we do love each other and we have a connection that a lot of other couples don't. He told me that there is no point in reassuring me when it does no good. I felt really hurt by this. Looking back, I understand why, but then all I could feel was this need to be held and loved and everything to be made better. I saw a therapist and was diagnosed with major depression. I was put on Pristiq and it helped immensely. I calmed down the obsession with his ex-wife ultimately disappeared. I wanted to fix our relationship and start over but he couldn't. He said that he put his heart in my hands and I threw it on the ground and stomped all over it. I'm not denying that it happened, but it hurts me that I hurt him. He feels like it will never be the same as it once was. On top of the financial struggles (still) and him hating his job and never getting to see the kids and the birth of our baby this past January, life sucks. I want so bad for him to just show me affection and love me. He swears up and down that he still loves me and nothing will ever change that, but he's become more selfish. He never puts time and effort into me. He hesitates everytime I ask him to do something. I quit taking my Pristiq when I found out I was pregnant and recently I tried to get back on them but they don't do sample packs anymore it's way too expensive. We can't get help with anything because we gross too much. Anyway, he is more distant and it makes me feel resentful, so I'm distant back. I want to break the cycle! I want to be happy again. I want to feel loved and I want to love him. I don't feel like doing anything, ever. I can't enjoy my daughter because I'm so depressed. I don't ever feel like wearing makeup or dolling myself up. I rarely laugh. He used to make me laugh without even trying. I don't know what to do. We need therapy but it costs too much. My insurance doesn't even cover mental health. I would really like to get back on track. Any advice is more than welcome.
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depressed, divorce, ex-wife, fiance, his ex, move on, soulmate, trapped, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, XOLoveOX  +, writes (29 December 2011):
I do believe you have a deep connection, but the way he treated his first wife wasn't right, he made a mistake and it cost him dearly, I understand that he has had a troubled childhood but that doesn't make it righ for him to act this way. I mostly thing you took your relationship to fast especially him, he has right in saying that he shouldn't need to reassure you anymore. Did you ever think he was feeling he same? Needing someone to support him? I think you have also been quite selfish (no offence) He may put up a strong hold but it sounds like inside he's dying. He is tired of reassuring you when it isn't working and when he needs the support to, whether he knows it or not. Hope this helps!
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