A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am nearly nine months' pregnant and caught my husband cheating with text sex. We've been together eight years and married for nearly five. He's 10 years younger hadn't had any serious relationships before me and wants to live by himself but still enjoy the trappings of family life. He says he loves me but is frightened he will do something more hurtful next time. What should I do? I am a strong person but finding this very hard to deal with.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): In the case that he thinks that he will do something worse maybe you should listen to him he might not want you to stress youself and I think that he might know what he is talking about but I still think you guys should try to work out your relationship because it sounds like you guys do really love each other.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): I am sorry you are going through this type situation. You are strong. You strength is shown by reaching out for advice. Just rely on your faith. I understand there are at least a million thoughts running through your head. Just take time to weigh your options regardless to the advice friends and family members may give. Best wishes. You will make the best decision in the end. Afterall, YOU ARE STRONG.
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (7 March 2008):
 HEY!!
Look after yourself babe!! Make sure you are okay :)
Feel free to mail me about anything x x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your support and advice.
He has taken some time to reflect and realised he has been stupid (he has never done anything like this before). He says he loves me and will be there for both me and the baby. He has acknowledged that whilst for him it was just meaningless texts, for me it was an act of betrayal and I am not just going to get over it, although it has been a symptom of his insecurity about the changes ahead.
We're working on rebuilding trust and he is genuinely contrite and relieved to expressed his fears and concerns for the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2008): let him go dear its not worth the stress to you and your baby, he's a boy not grown up yet maybe never will. Go it alone you are strong enough look after yourself and your baby he can go out and play
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2008): When i was pregnant my baby's father cheated on me, although i didn't find out till much later. He would hide his phone from me and often say that he wanted to be single and do separate things. When my daughter was born things didn't get any better, he would constantly put me down and tell me i needed to lose weight. He went out all the time and didn't come home or call to say where he was.My daughter was born in february and i found out he'd been cheating on me in the following november, when i went through his phone and found txts and pictures and even videos of them together. When i confronted him he didn't even seem bothered.I really didn't know what to do, i was scared and didn't have enough money to live by myself so stayed with him.Over christmas things didn't improve and we fought all the time, then in february i'd had enough and left him.I found out that he hadn't stoppped seeing this other girl and was still meeting her whilst i was at work and had only finished with her 4 days before i finished with him, as he wanted to make a go of things with me but by then it was far too late.Leaving him was the best thing i ever did, i wish i did it when he started showing the first signs, when i noticed his lack of respect for me and the way he ogled other women.I have a new boyfriend now and he's great really lovely, the complete opposite to my ex. I have difficulty trusting my boyfriend because of what happened in my past and worry that i'll never be able to trust anyone again.Tell your partner how you feel, tell him what happened to me and see what he says. He might give you reassurance or maybe not but if you're unhappy i would advise you to get out of the relationship asap, pregnancy is hard enough without this extra worry xx
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A
female
reader, red1982 +, writes (6 March 2008):
You poor thing, as if being pregnant and having all the worry that comes with being a new mother isn't hard enough to deal with. You now have to contend with the decision to forgive your husband for what is a terrible breach of trust, at the most when you need his support most or doing this on your own.
This could be his way of dealing with the worry that he is about to become a dad and be responsible for another persons life. My husband turned back into a teenager when I was pregnant, going out all the time and not telling me where he was etc. I was crying all the time and then he finally explained that he was really scared of the responsibilty of being a daddy (and he was already a step dad to my son from a previous relationship) and was just trying to run away from it. Really immature way of dealing with things, but I have no doubt that he isn't the only one.
He used to say the same thing as your husband, that he wants to live on his own and be single, but loves me and the kids. He has finally grown up, and is becoming less selfish but it has been really hard for me to deal with (I am 10 years younger then him, so it has nothing to do with age, just maturity really). He only realised how much he enjoyed being a family when I made him to leave, he begged to come back and finally realised just how he was behaving.
Your husband is telling you that he cannot be trusted at the moment, and I think you need to talk to him about why he feels the need to turn to other women. It's not usually just about sex - or lack of it, but more to do with emotionally how he is feeling.
I hope that you can work things out with him, but if you can't you will survive, being a single parent is really hard work, but certainly not impossible.
Keep us updated.
xxxx
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (6 March 2008):
 He sounds very immature for his age and unfortunately he's definitely NOT ready for a committed relationship with you let alone to be a father. He's even admitted that he's frightened he might do something more hurtful "next time". He needs a reality check! I would let him live on his own for a while if for nothing else then to sort his head out, it will also let him see what he's missing. You are going to have enough to cope with when the new baby comes along. Maybe once it's born that will be enough of a reality check for him and he'll realise just what he'd be missing and giving up.
He has a choice to make here. If he wants to be with you and his child then needs to grow up big time! Ask him what he feels is missing from the relationship and listen to what he says. Hopefully by talking, you can both air the problems your marriage is facing and iron them out. It may be that he feels he's not getting enough, ask him! If this is the case then you need to explain to him that it's difficult at the moment with you in your condition but it doesn't mean you don't love him. Maybe all he needs is some reassurance from you, he might be feeling taken for granted that you're not spending enough time with him or don't seem interested in sex with him. Something is going on in his mind and you need to find out what it is but whatever it is, you both need to talk, before it's too late...
~Eve~
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A
male
reader, Kawika  +, writes (6 March 2008):
 What is with these guys nowadays!? If I were to cast my vote, I would say dump him already. He is definitely not worth your time and expense. It seems he has no backbone or understanding what "love" really is. When he says he is "frightened" he will do something more hurtful the next time...means he isn't sorry. He is just sorry he got caught. I'm sorry for my tone...but, no one should ever be placed in that situation, especially during the final months of your pregnancy. I honestly hope this helps... and please take care.
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (6 March 2008):
HEY!!
You shouldn't have to deal with this, not only because you are pregnant but also because he is meant to be your loyal husband. Talk to him, tell him you know, and you want the truth.. He has risked a lot by doing this!
GOOD LUCK!! Feel free to mail me at any time x x x
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