A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was messing around with a guy for about 11 months. He was actually my friend before it began. At the beginning he was sweet, complimented me and all that, but at the same time he was messing around with other girls. I wasn't tripping because he had just gotten out of a relationship and I was still trying to get over mine. But after a few months we started growing on eachother. I had deep feelings for him and he told me he had deep feelings for me too, but he still had the other girls. We attend the same school, so the girls he was messing with basically knew me and I knew them. He'd tell me things like no matter what me and him will always mess around. Even when I'd get mad at him or was crying he'd text me and ask me what was wrong. But him having these other girls started bothering me so I told him how I felt about it and he would tell me to stop tripping. Then the other thing is, he never told anyone that me and him were messing around. The only reason why people knew was because I confirmed it but he constantly denied it even though it was quite obvious. The things that he would do that bothered me extremely was there could be me and then another girl in the same area. He would go to the other girl and act as if I'm invisible. He would basically flirt with other girls right IN my face. He knew I was there everytime he did it. Then he didn't actually speak to me like that at school either. We'd act as if we were just corgial. We'd hug and move it along. Sometimes he'd hang around me and my two friends and with me in private. The sad thing is when he hung around me, there wasn't much people around but my two friends and only if he wanted me to please him or hang out that weekend. Mind you, we were not having sex though. Just doing the other things. But no intercourse. After we'd hang out for that weekend we'd go back to school as if NOTHING happened. He'd go on about his business flirting and trying to mess around with other girls as if I meant nothing to him. So then I decided to ignore him and he noticed so he said Hi to me and tried to talk to me but I told him to leave me alone and I kept on ignoring him for the next 3 days. Then he texted me and asked me what my problem was and I told him how he be flirting with this one girl that I see him flirt with ALL the time right in my face and from afar and he was like "well i see you can't handle this so maybe i should stop messing with you period." but I was like no and i started telling him how i've done a lot for him. i've been there for him when he was down, i encouraged him I was there for him. Period. And I was just having a complete breakdown through text asking him why does he keep hurting me. So i stopped talking to him again cause he just stopped responding. Then that weekend he texted me again with an apology. Saying "I'm sorry...For hurting you. I didn't think it would get this bad. I thought I would stop but I never did. And I understand. I really do. And I understand if you'll hate me after this. Shit I'd hate me too if I was you. But your right. I'm not ready for any kind of relationship anytime soon. I just wanted to say sorry..." Then I told him that it's fine, but we're done for now and he has a second chance so whenever he ready for a relationship then he can let me know IF he wants to pursue one with me. And he said "alright" now before all of this the people that knew about us told me that I need to leave him alone cause he's no good. and at first I didnt care about what they said cause he would tell me differently. So im like okay it's his words against theirs. Then I did start to realize something wasn't right. I felt like crap dealing with him and I dealt with him for as long as I could and ended it. But when we got back to school that Monday I didn't speak to him. But then he was around me and my friends and then that same girl he flirt with came up there with us and he started flirting away. So i was just irritated, but after school was over he said Hi me like it was nothing, but I ignored him again and he was going to give me a hug but I said no. I wasn't tryna be mean to him but I honestly didn't feel like being bothered. That Monday night he was leaving out of town to go visit colleges with other classmates. I texted him Tuesday and he didn't respond. Then I texted him a few days later and he didn't respond. But he responded to my guy friend text and my other guy friend's phonecall. So I decided to call him and he didn't answer. So I assume he doesn't want to talk to me. My question is, why is he all of a sudden ignorning me? I'm not trying to flirt with him or make him want me or anything. I just wanted to see how he was. That's it. So what's up with him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell everyone it's set and done. After the whole incident we were still cool, but he started hanging around a new girl, but wasn't telling me anything. Then my closest friend told me that he told her he liked this girl as in relationship type and that he no longer likes me. So I let him know I knew what the deal was and that we're done. And he told me "Your done and I'm done so keep it pushing" and I let him know that I'm good cause he's crap and I don't want him to speak to me, look at me, or have a friendship. Period. And he said "I understand..." and i told him he lost a good "friend" and karma does come around and he was like "So I lost 1 okay." I told him he's miserable and he said "Yeahh always and forever." and I ended it. I deleted his number out my phone. He did act pretty insensitive about this whole situation. Why wouldn't someone care about losing someone that's dealt with them for a year when no one else would? Who knows. But I do know I'm gonna be better off than he will.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 November 2011):
 You are confused because you want to be confused. What is there to be confused about ? This guy told you clearly, he wants to play by his rules, which are he gets to mess around with multiple partners but his partners have to be exclusive. If you don't like it and you can't accept it, too bad for you, next, he's not going to cut his wrists about it, because he clearly does not give a damn.
He is a conceited little bully, and a moron, and if you are really concerned about looking stupid, you should not give him one more minute of your time- because eventually you'll end up looking stupid also in your own eyes, which is the worst sensation ever .
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo you guys here's an update from last week. We've had a conversation through text and I thought things were confusing before, but now it's just a mess. He basically came back to me and was like,""People tend to miss things that they're used to getting on a weekly basis. && i told you and imma keep telling you imma mess with you no matter what. Unless someone changes that" and then he was basically asking me to give him a video and i told him no and that he might as well go to that other girl he messing with. So he was like "Aha omggg please don't make me go to her." So I'm like go ahead you've been going to her anyway. I might as well find me someone else to mess around with. And he got all mad and was like "Alright -_- you go head and do that" and im like you're not fair. You get to mess around but I can't. Is it like this for everyone you mess with? And he was like "It is. Actually aha welcome to reality" so I said you're telling me that the people you mess with aren't allowed to mess around? And he was like "nope." so im like but really slow it down before u start lookin like reak bad and he was likei "I'm not. Why you think i got everybody thinking im messing with one person? i'm tryna get you out of the spotlight."
And I'm like sooo that one person is that girl? i wasn't in the spotlight though. And he was like " exactly and yea you were you just wasn't hearing about it." so I say but then your putting the other girl in the spotlight. what are u planning? And he said " so. that's how i want it to be. nothingggg just go along with the flow :x" so im like im already acting like i dont like you so i guess i kinda am going along with it and he's all like "good. keep it that way." Then I tell him to tell me because I'm confused and he says "good stay confused" so im like but im wondering should i be worried about this whole situation and he was like "idk. maybe. maybe not. you might" so i told him i dont wanna go along with things if i could end up looking stupid at the end. so he told me "idk now. things don't always go as planned." and so that all just left me confused. it doesn't make sense to me and i wanna know, what do you think this guy is up to?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (31 October 2011):
 This guy was honest about who he was and what he wants. When you met him, he made it clear by his actions and later his words that he has no intentions of having an exclusive relationship with you.
You developed feelings for him and decided that you couldn't handle his lifestyle choice. You thought he would change for you, and that you'd be the one to tame his wayward heart or something like that. You tried lots of tactics on him, including the ignore tactic in hopes that he would chase after you.
He stopped talking to you because you couldn't handle it, and you were playing games by ignoring him and then hounding him with texts. Which is it?
If you're looking for an actual boyfriend and a real honest relationship, to pine after him, call, text, or communicate with him in any way shape or form other than a passing "hi" down the halls is masochistic of you. He is not the one for you.
Best to emotionally detach from him now so you can open your heart to someone much more emotionally and sexually compatible. Each second wasted on fretting over this guy is emotion wasted.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (31 October 2011):
What's up is that he's done using you, after which he won't bother being friendly with you, since you do not mean anything to him except as a convenient messing- around partner. The moment you can't handle his ways and ask for more respect and consideration, in his eyes you are more work than messing around is worth .
Sorry but you should have see this coming, it was plain under your nose ! "His words against other friends' words ? " Words are a dime a dozen, everybody can say words, to get what they want or make you do what they want. It's what they DO, that will tell you how they really feel about you and how much they value you. He has always been treating you like crap, keeping you a secret from his friends, and flirting with other girls right under your nose , not the behaviour of someone who is much into you, is it ? sorry to sound harsh, but if you want to avoid more potential heartbreaks , it's vital you learn to judge from the facts you SEE and not from the words you hear.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2011): hey, i know how you feel iv gone through this and know you probley dont wanna know but im 21 and boys are still like this. i know its easy for me to say but just ignore him as he is doing to you. boys like a chase iv found this out and the more you show your not bothered the more they seem to want you, (dont ask me why but its true lol). i also know the feeling when your friends/ people are telling you different to what he is. i was in a realtionship for a year and half with this boy, and all my friends told i need to end it as hes going to hurt me but just made me closer to him, in the end found out he was seeing another girl and was with her for 3 years and i was the bit on the side, and although it hurt me so much i felt better i found it out for myself in the end instead of listening to others. anyways from what you have said this boy sounds like he just wants someone but also wants to the single life. hes ignoring you beacuse he can see your in the right and he hasnt got an answer to what you wanna say to him. iv also gone through this i was messing round with this other boy and we acted as if we was together, but as soon as he seen we was getting close to a reationship he stoped texting me and changed his number. he only then got back in contact when he found out i was going out a date with this other boy, and i just did the same as he did to me ignored him. just show this boy your on about you dont care either, you are still young and he is treating you wrong but just play him at his own game, you flirt with boy and meet other people and see how he likes it, and if he dont came chasing after you hes not worth it, and how ever much it hurts dont go running back. this boy doesnt know what he wants but it sounds like you do so, find a boy that wants the same as you, and in the meantime meet other boys, but just look as it as fun and dont expect a reationship and if feelings do start to grow tell them and make sure they want the same as you before this happens again. hes messing you about he knows hes got you, and knows you will put up with all this, if he doesnt accepted what you say dont bother with him. the bit about when he said sorry, he did this beacuse he know you would take him back and let him carry on with the way he is acting. dont let him, hes out there enjoying hiself and your just worring whats he going to say nexted.please dont let him walk over you like he is, as you said you have got feeling for him and he knows thi, and if he truly felt the same he wouldnt be acting like. it will hurt but will hurt less now then in another 11 months down the line. sorry for the essay lol but just remember you will find someone much better then him,( by the sounds of it, it want be hard either) i hope this helps and everything works out :)
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