A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this man for about 2 months now and am concerned where our "relationship" is going. When we first started talking I told him I was not interested in any type of relationship or fling or anything in between. Despite that we began hanging out. He is really nice, and really generous and you can tell he is very sincere as well. Unfortunately I feel like he is holding back. I know in the beginning I told him I didn't want anything but as time has gone by I have really begun to like him. We have become intimate and talk every day. The problem is I am afraid that our "relationship" is more physical than emotional for him. We have some mutual friends and in the beginning he was telling them how much he liked me etc... But he has since stopped telling them that and he seems to be coming more and more distant. About 2 weeks ago I went into the hospital and he seemed very concerned. He wanted to come to the hospital but I refused (since my family has not met him yet and I didn't think that was the appropriate time for them to meet). I was only there for a day and when I got out he took me on a long weekend up to his cabin for some R and R. We had a great time. We got to know each other in ways we hadn't before, communicated well and just had a great time getting to know more about each other. He took care of me etc. One night while we were there he took me out to dinner in town and we got to start talking to some of the locals and he introduced me as his "girl" etc. So I thought things were headed in the right direction. But once we came back home he has seemed to become more distant. We don't go out in public much around home and spend most nights at his house. I have not met any of his friends, family etc. He did ask me to come comfort him last week (after the death of his uncle). So of course I willingly went over to his house and tried to comfort him. We cuddled in bed and talked and he really opened up about how he felt about his mourning etc. So again I thought we were headed in the right direction. But after that he has pulled back again. He takes hours to respond to my texts, and when he does he is very short. So I have tried to pull back a little hoping he would notice and put fourth more effort but I haven't seen anything change. I don't know if he just has a lot on his plate or if he is just purely interested in being physical or what. I am confused. He knows I want to take things to the next level and actually begin a real relationship with him (I've expressed this to him) but he keeps holding back. It's been about a week now since I've seen him and I feel like he's not into this like he was in the beginning. Should I express my concerns with him, or should I let this go and see what happens, or walk away? I just don't know what to do. Also we both had pretty bad relationships prior to meeting.I am in the process of a divorce (ending stages- which should be finished in a month or so). My Soon-to-be exhusband and I have been separated for almost 2yrs living our own lives. And my new "guy" just got out of a serious relationship about 3-4 months ago with a woman he really liked or "loved". So I just don't know what to do. I'm so confused. Is he just being gun shy, or is this just a fling for him?
View related questions:
divorce, shy, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (30 September 2013):
Hi there. I don't think he is in it just for the physical side of things, because if that was true, it would be like a friends with benefits type of relationship.
And it doesn't seem to be that way with you and him.
Perhaps his hesitation, is more about not wanting to get hurt and disappointed all over again.
Thinking back to his last relationship which ended badly.
And so for him, it could be a thing of self preservation, so as to avoid any more emotional pain.
I would say give him some space now, and let him initiate any further contact with you.
No matter how long that is.
And just wait till he does call or text you, to say hi.
And then go from there.
And when you do see him again, don't talk about the future or ask him where the relationship is going.
And don't say you were worried as to why he hadn't been in touch.
Just DON'T go there at all.
Act as if nothing had happened.
He may be in a place right now, where he feels himself getting closer to you, and is getting a little scared.
And so he keeps on reminding himself of the last relationship, and doesn't want to go down that path again.
And so no, don't end it with him.
Sometimes when men feel they are getting serious about their feelings for a woman, they start to hold back a bit and go a little bit quiet, which makes their girlfriend wonder what is going on.
And I think it's possible that this is where he is right now.
So just stay calm and be patient with him.
And from now on, let him bring up the subject of the future or anything like that.
And don't apply any pressure for him to give you more than he is ready to give.
Because that might scare him off altogether, and you don't want that.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 September 2013):
 I would wait for one more month after the divorce is over, then he would have less excuse to be hesitant. Two months is not an awfully long time to be taking things slow. To be taking you out to a cabin he does see you dearly. For right now you don't know if you are just his bandaid. You don't know if pulling out is his personality, just being a man, or a sign that he doesn't want a relationship. Don't make hasty decisions. Give it more time and to know him better.
...............................
|
