A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing a great guy for some time now and we're about to start having sex. I'm in my late thirties (he's of my age), divorced after 15 years. Almost half of my marriage the sex was... well just going through the motions before becoming non-existent. I didn't have to fake orgasm, my husband just didn't care. I've had several sexual partners before my marriage too and I had a few partners after the divorce and now, but it was nothing serious and I had fun, but I honestly can't remember the last time I had an orgasm with a partner. I mean, the good thing is that I am really in love with this guy and to me that's the necessary perquisite for physical pleasure. I have no idea what will happen, but maybe I'll have to tell him about my problem.I know that it's quite possible that the first couple of times it won't be perfect, so I don't have to say anything straight away as I don't want to, I don't know, scare him? But in the long run, I'd like to be honest.How should I go about it? Thank you!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2016): Thank you so much to ALL OF YOU for your replies. I can't tell you how much it means to me and how much you have actually helped me with GREAT advice!
I'm still nervous but in truth I can't wait for *the* moment. I'm really in love with the guy and feel comfortable. I'll try not to let the fear erode that.
I don't know about you, but on elittle part of me is constantly surprized by how life turns out.
Thank you again!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 May 2016):
 You're not "having a problem". You are a woman. Women don't orgasm like men do. We rarely orgasm, and certainly not from intercourse. I only know 2 in 50 that orgasm on a regular basis. I know about 5 in 30 who never orgasm at all. And the rest have a few orgasms just on their own masturbating, or occasionally with a partner. I had one partner in my life who managed to give me an orgasm all by himself. The rest of the time I use vibrators. This is NORMAL. So, no, you don't have a problem. You're just a woman, like the rest of us.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (23 May 2016):
 Hey, congrats on the new guy! Rather than expecting the worst and planning for that right away, try not to anticipate a negative outcome. Instead, take it one day at a time and be enthusiastic about being with a partner.
Make sure you are clear about what works for you, show him through sounds, words and gestures where to do what for maximum effect on you.
If you find you can’t reach the magic moment with him, either through oral, manual or penetrative sex, after some time, well, come back then and we’ll try our best to help.
But for now, don’t borrow worry. :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 May 2016):
 I wouldn't put that pressure on BOTH of you, by telling him in advance.
What you CAN do is telling (when you are about to get intimate) that you are nervous, as it has been AGES since you last had enjoyable sex, so long in fact that you don't even remember the last time it was good.
That way you are NOT comparing him to another man, which might make him WANT to put in an extra effort in making sex REALLY great with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2016): I can see you are nervous. I felt the same way when I was about to have sex with a man I really cared about. Only that I was a virgin and he did not know this. I was afraid to tell him. I was a bit older and was married but was with a man who could not perform sexually. He had some physical issues which prevented him from penetrating me. And so, I stayed in the marriage for 15 years even though we never had sex. It was tough. And not something you hear about everyday. But I cared about my then husband and believed in til death do us part. Well, eventually I did leave my husband. I could not live that way any longer. I met my current BF after my marriage ended. He is my first sexual partner ever. I know, go figure that! Sounds crazy but it's the truth. And I want to tell you a story. Maybe it will help you.I found that the PASSION he and I shared was off the charts. It still is after so many years together. The PASSION and our sexual spark is what made and still makes the sex so great. We are both so into each other. Willing to please each other. We are both happy to see our partner experiencing pleasure. There is this sexual connection rooted in our emotional connection. And having both makes the sex incredible. You seem like you have both as well. And it all comes naturally. If you lose yourself in the experience and just enjoy each other and each other's bodies and let your passion take you away, it is going to be amazing. It is all in your head as you know. That is where hang ups and inhibitions and performance anxieties come from. You can choose not to give them space in your mind. Worry creates stress and stress prevents you from enjoying the experience. It is an exciting time! To just be starting sex. Many couples would kill to be going back to the early days of sex in their relationships. Instead of fretting about it, consider yourself lucky! You are on the threshold of excitement and exploration and the best sex ever. You are totally focused on one another!I will also say that here I am, a woman who had no sexual experience at all, and my BF has told me countless times I am his BEST sexual partner ever. And he has had many sexual partners in his life. Many of whom... in fact... most of whom have had a lot of sexual experience. So, why am I the best? A woman who had sex for the first time with him? Because I have a passion for sex. A passion for him. He said I am a natural. I just let go of all my inhibitions. And let him guide me. Take me away. And the rest came naturally. It was all in my mind set. I enjoyed all the sensations. And the fact I was really into it really turned him on. Men love a woman who is eager, uninhibited and confident in the bedroom.I did end up telling him I was a virgin before we had sex. We had made out several times and I was not moving forward with intercourse itself and he was beginning to wonder. So, I had to tell him. He ended up being very understanding and the first time was still amazing. He was gentle with me and although it hurt, I was so happy with the experience. The closeness and bonding was beyond any words. It only got better after that. So, remember, even if the first couple of times are a little more awkward, it will only get better in time! And it seems you are both here for the long haul! Practice makes perfect! I am sure you will have plenty of practice! Trust me, years in, the sex my BF and I have still reaches new heights. It is always new and exciting. ;)The call is yours to make. You do what you feel comfortable doing. You know your boyfriend. Honesty is always fine. But sometimes it is not necessary to be honest. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes things are better left unsaid.If it were me, I would not say anything. I had to in my situation because I was a virgin and he would have known that! Your situation is slightly different. As you have some roadblocks you have set up in your own mind. Does he really need to know this? If it was me, I would let go and enjoy myself and not worry about it. Do not pressure yourself at all. I will bet that you will have some pretty amazing sex and wonder why you worried about this in the first place. Just live in the moment. Relax. This is a new guy and a new experience. The past is done and it's behind you. Leave the baggage there. This man may actually be the one who makes you orgasm multiple times. Just give him... and you.. a chance!Keep us posted. :)
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A
male
reader, wherelifewouldtakeus  +, writes (23 May 2016):
 Wait till you are sexually intimate a few times to bring up the list of concerns. ( you said that, that's a good call).I think you are getting ahead of yourself, you don't know if all you need to enjoy sex again is a great emotional connection with someone who actually cares about your sexual satisfaction. Maybe you haven't got a problem at all, just a worry. There is a great possibility that sex with someone you are attracted to, have a good vibe with and knowing that they feel the same way towards you will help your sex life that much better.If it doesn't and you are still experiencing this problem after you have being intimate a few times i am sure he would have notice too, in that case he will probably be ''somewhat'' relieved when you bring the subject up and explain to him that it is not him but that you have being experiencing this for a while, then just take it from there experiment a bit more, try new things and positions and if that fails it is always good to consider consulting an specialist to make sure there is no underlying medical conditions.but for now slow down and enjoy.
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