A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:We both were friends from past 6yrs like since from our college days. We were close enough and one day conffessed him that I was having crush on him and so he confessed the same. Because of this we became more close and we used flirt with each other. We went so long that we even did make out outside. We developed a secret relationship which was not known to any of our friend circle. I didn't feel that right and so I wanted to stop whatever happening between us and so ended in big fight. We were no longer in talking terms for a year. One day my friend told me that he was getting married soon I felt so that I shouldn't keep this ego and get back him once again. Finally 3 months back we got back together and so we met for the first time after a year. We shared lots of gossip and when I got back home he texted me he missed me when I was not with him. I felt the same and so I started to flirt with him again. With this he talked about our secret relationship. I don't why I still felt that I was still attracted towards him. He told me how he liked me and so even I responded with my feelings. Now we again started to develop desires for each other and as we couldn't resist it we ended up having sex. We didn't involved in sexual intercourse but we did. Finally we decided to stop everything mutually and get back to normal life. After his marriage he went for honeymoon and once he came back we all friends had get together his wife was not there with us. He shared lot of stories from his honeymoon with me. We did talked casual that day and after very long hours he talked about us. He told me he still want to have sex with me and he cannot stop it. Hearing him saying this got me confused but it also aroused me, yes even I desired for him. I ignored the that talk but he still insisted and it was hard me to stay in control. I tried hard and ignored topic for long time but then later that night I texted him that I too want to do. So next day we booked room and had sex. After that I was in guilt. But he wanted us to have affair till very long time. This time he even said he wanted to have sexual intercourse with me. Well he is also having good sex life with his wife they do it once in a week but he also wants me. He wants me to continue even after my my marriage. On other side even I'm not able to control myself we are actually lusting for each other. Right now I have stopped meeting him and stopped talking to him. Yes this is helping me but on the other side I even fantasize about him alot that makes me to tell him that I need him. I know it is going to ruin the other relations and so I want a help to stop this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2016): Do you really WANT to end it? And do you really want help?Wanting to end an affair and actually being ready to end an affair are two different things.Many people WANT to end an affair at some point. Many people SAY they WANT to end an affair. BUT very few can. Actions are what count not good intentions which fall to the wayside. It becomes that much more difficult the longer the affair continues. And often it may take several attempts to remove oneself from an affair permanently. Much like a drug addict who has decided to stop using the drug he/she is hooked on and goes into withdrawal. The withdrawal becomes too painful that the drug user then begins using the drug again to ease the pain. But in order to stop using it forever, you must know why you began using it in the first place. And make sure you remove yourself from the drug and the environment you find the drug in forever. Ask yourself these questions. WHY did you need such a drug and why did you seek it out? What was missing in your life that the drug was helping to fix (the fix is temporary)? What was missing in yourself? What need was that drug filling? Once you know this, you can work on fulfilling those needs in different ways and by using different means. Are you feeling lonely? Does your affair partner make you feel alive? Sexy? Special? Probably all those things. But you have to realize that this is just a FANTASY which is exciting in itself. It is not real life. And if you did have him in real life, 24-7 I can guarantee you that soon enough the thrill would be all gone. So, of course you are going to be turned on by him. He's a fantasy. He is taken. You are having hot sex because of the stolen moments, because he is not yours, because it is a secret, because it is illicit, because you do not share real life issues with him. All the emotions are stimulated. Remember that your brain is getting a happy drug with the affair. This is a very powerful addiction. You are in a permanent infatuation and lust phase just by the very nature of an affair. It thrives in fantasy and never lives in reality therefore heightening the emotions and allure of it all AND prolonging the intensity so much longer than a regular relationship.Nature designed the infatuation phase this way. The first hits of euphoria caused by dopamine, serotonin, adrenaline, oxytocin... these are chemicals in the brain which are naturally released in this first love phase. And man are they powerful. Likened to the effects of cocaine or heroin on the brain. So you are crazy in love so to speak and the high you get is what you are chasing after. That is why it is so powerful and hard to walk away from the one you cannot seem to get enough of. So, you are normal. You are human. Let me say that first. It does not make you a monster. We all like to feel good. And this man is making you feel good about yourself. You like how he makes you FEEL. How you FEEL when you are with him. Nobody else gives you this FEELING. So you are chasing it. When you are with him, you are walking on air. There is nothing better than the high during and after sex. You can conquer the world so to speak. And in between hits, you get jittery. Impatient. Wanting him. Wanting the hit again. So that your brain releases all the feel good chemicals once again. But just know that what FEELS good to us is not necessarily what is BEST for us, or even good for us. In fact, much of what feels so good is not good for us. Like wanting to overdose on a huge chocolate cake but afterwards you have an upset stomach. You have to tell yourself you do not want this affair anymore. That it is HURTING you. AND HIS WIFE. That he is USING both of you for his own pleasure. HE is the ONE who is winning. Both YOU and his WIFE are losing. And will lose. As long as you are both willing to give HIM what HE wants, then he has IT ALL. And what do you have? Leftovers. You are just a side dish to his wife. He married her. NOT YOU. For a reason. He is a pig. What he is doing to two women. Very selfish. But worse is that you are allowing him to do it to you. Take your power back. His wife does not know. If she did, I am sure she would kick his ass to the curb in a NY minute. You DO know what he is capable of. How many other women is he f^cking? He has NO character. NO sense of loyalty. He does not know the meaning of commitment. What kind of a husband is HE? He is a piece of shit. Why are you lowering yourself to be with a man like this?WHY? Are you afraid to be alone? Are you afraid that nobody else will come along? Afraid the sex will never be as good with another man? You CAN find another man whom you are wildly attracted to and with whom the sex can be fireworks. IF you let go of this one. You are wasting your time with this cheating pig. While he gets to have two women, you are left on the side, unable to find a real man for yourself. A man who will be there full time for you. Only YOU. A man you can enjoy HOT sex with all the time. This guy does not have the market cornered on being good in bed. And I suspect you are probably pretty good at it too. So, why not go and unleash all of your passion onto a guy who deserves it? A good guy. There are plenty out there.This is what you need to do IF you are serious about ending this affair for good.You need to CUT CONTACT with him forever. No more phone calls, no more texts, no more emails, no more trysts, no more sex, no more period. You need to act as if he dropped off the face of the earth and no longer exists. Block his number. Erase any previous messages. Throw away gifts, mementos, anything that reminds you of him and your affair. You are going to have to refrain from attending any events he is at, refrain from reciprocating any attempts at contact he may make and with socializing with that group of friends anymore. Move away if you have to. I mean, far away. Yes, drastic measures are necessary or you will continue to yo yo.Are you really serious? Then do what I have told you. This man no longer exists to you. Do it. STICK TO IT. No exceptions. It will hurt. It will kill you. The withdrawal will tear you apart. But it will get better. In time, the pain will ease and you will start to feel lighter. Better about yourself. And then a new chapter in your life can begin where the door is finally open to Mr. Right.I wish you strength and resolve. It is not easy but if you really want to, you can do anything you put your mind to.Just know he is POISON for you. So that means stop swallowing it every chance you get. DETOX your system. Be good to yourself. One day you will look back and see it as the best decision you have ever made.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 May 2016):
 Stop being selfish and control yourself. Look you are getting married and he is married, therefore this needs to stop. How would you feel if it was your husband having sex behind your back? How do you think your partners are going to feel when they find out? They will be crushed, their love lives will be ruined and they might never trust anyone again. If you loved your partner you would not be having sex with another man. Decide who it is you want.
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