A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a woman and have a female partner. On paper she is perfect for me and for the first 6 months I really fancied her. After that the attraction for me has whittled away.It's been two years now and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to be intimate with her. I haven't allowed her to be sexual with me for over a year but continue to give to her every fortnight or so (using the excuse that I go through periods of being "stone-butch" so she doesn't make a fuss about why I won't let her touch me).It's the first time my mother has accepted a partner of mine and our families get on really well with each other. A break-up would cause heartache for many people beyond the two of us. I've been hoping that I can look beyond the lack of physical attraction to the greater personal qualities, but feel frustrated if now I will never be sexual again if we continue to stay together.Any suggestions on how I deal with this situation?
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female
reader, Gwyneth  +, writes (23 March 2007):
 I empathize with you very much. I've had several long-term relationships, but it seems that the passion fades away after a period of time. I often think it's the familiarity of them and the fact that the "mystery" disappears and, then, so does the sex.
Perhaps you could try spicing things up a bit by creating healthy distance between you and she. You could role-play or just do anything to add some spontaneity into things.
I wish you love and luck.
A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (20 March 2007):
 Talk, talk, talk. Is it just the sex which has declined? Are there other areas which have disapeared in the relationship? The intimacy problem i think can most of the time be resolved through communication and a real effort to each other, remembering why you got together in the first place abd the things you like about one another. It all depends on how much you want it to work and how much she wants it to work. If its only one sided then maybe its time to call it a day.
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