A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing my b/f for 4 months now and he has now started to talk a lot about sex and become a lot more physical towards me!He has never made me feel uncomfortable and i have only done anything that i wanted with him, but now it is coming to the crunch!I am a virgin and i am terribly nervous about sex and all that goes with it! He doesn't know i am a virgin because i suppose i seem like i am experienced?!I know he only wants to express his feelings for me in a more intimate way, but it realy scares me!I do think a lot of him and i knoe that he does of me, but i would like to know that he LOVED ME before i did that!That is what i am asking.... - How do you know if a guy loves you?- should i ask him/wait for him to tell me?- and should i wait for him to say he loves me before we make love?- should i let him know i am a virgin?- would he understand?I don't want him to laugh at me, although i dont think he would.Please help! F, 20 Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2006): if he really loved you he should respect you. you, your wishes, your beliefs, your virginity, your goals for the future. think about that.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2006): if you wish to find out how your boyfriend feels about you especially since you have been in a relationship for as long as both of you have been, then it is ok. I can see that you need to know this so that you can know what direction to take. It isnt advisable though to allow him think that that is the main concern for wanting sex because he might take advantage of you. So you can ask him what he feels for you but that should not be in connection with both of you having sex.Your having sex with him should be because you want to(maybe you have feelings for him) and most importantly because you are ready. You can also tell him that you are a virgin only when you have decided to go ahead and take your relationship with him to the next level.
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (17 July 2006):
 Hi dearie,
If i was in your position i would tell him that i am a virgin. That would be one of the test for his love for you because if he really does care he would appreciate that about you and try to be understanding. You also have to access your feelings for him. Find out what he means to you and if you are ready to take the relationship to the next step. It should be your decision too and your feelings for him should matter in reaching this.You shouldnt do it entirely because of him so that you dont have regrets of being pressured and wasnt ready.
You can also ask him what he feels for you. You two have been going out now for four months and he should understand if you want to know what you and the relationship means him.Know that there isnt really any precise way of telling what ones partner feels for you and you can only trust his words and actions.Dissappoints do happen and that is a risk you should consider if worth taking which will depend on your feelings for him.
Remember If at all you are sure you want to have an intimate relationship with him you have to take the neccessary precautions against unwanted pregancy and STD's
.
Take care of yourself and all the best.
Kelly.
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (17 July 2006):
Hi dearie,
If i was in your position i would tell him that i am a virgin. That would be one of the test for his love for you because if he really does care he would appreciate that about you and try to be understanding. You also have to access your feelings for him. Find out what he means to you and if you are ready to take the relationship to the next step. It should be your decision too and your feelings for him should matter in reaching this.You shouldnt do it entirely because of him so that you dont have regrets of being pressured and wasnt ready.
You can also ask him what he feels for you. You two have been going out now for four months and he should understand if you want to know what you and the relationship means him.Know that there isnt really any precise way of telling what ones partner feels for you and you can only trust his words and actions.Dissappoints do happen and that is a risk you should consider if worth taking which will depend on your feelings for him.
Remember If at all you are sure you want to have an intimate relationship with him you have to take the neccessary precautions against unwanted pregancy and STD's
.
Take care of yourself and all the best.
Kelly.
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A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (17 July 2006):
 If he hasn't declared his love to you do not have sex with him. Do not ask for the confirmation of love so in exchange you will have sex with him.
He needs to profess his love unpressured, and with no promise of sexual rewards to say it, to be true.
As for acting experienced, not having sex in four months of dating speaks volumes of your virginity. Still it is best to be completely honest and up front with your boyfriend and explain you are a virgin and sex is not something you want to rush into just to get it over with. (don't bring up the love issue, for that is giving him the promise of sex for saying those words to you)
Your first time you will remember for the rest of your life. Don't give it away to someone who might love you. Make sure sure it is someone who will treasure you and treasure what you are giving to him. High schools are full of regrets of virginity's given away to the wrong person, colleges have them too.
Just be careful, and take all the time in the world to make this decision.
GOOD LUCK!!
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A
male
reader, Martyrmachine +, writes (17 July 2006):
 How do you know if a guy loves you? - well you know it when you see it. not really stereotypical romantic comedy, but still. if he cares for you, and you feel that e isnt only physically attracted to you - thre you go.
should i ask him/wait for him to tell me? - no, dont ask - makes him feel forced. by saying 'no' and being honest he knows that he will hurt you, so he would make you hear what you want to hear.
and should i wait for him to say he loves me before we make love? - if he hasnt told you yet, then the next time he does, he would definitely mean it, so - theres ur answer
should i let him know i am a virgin? - yes, you should, no matter how uncomfortable it could be telling him, he will know it sooner or later. plus, he can take precautions, so he wont hurt you during sex (extra lube, slowly, gently).
would he understand? - i think he would be happy, that he stumbled upon an 'untouched' soul, and he'll know, that this first time, will be very special for both of you..
best of luck
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