A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok, im a virgin, my boyfriend of 5 weeks is not, he wants sex (he's 17). I want it so bad, when im around him i feel safe and happy. (i come from a background with alot of abuse and so does he but he has been drinking and smoking since he was in middle school to deal with it). I know i still have my past to deal with, and this is like my first real boyfriend, i have kissed 3 guys before him and dated one for 2 weeks before he cheated on me twice with one of my friends. All the guys think i look like a hot slut (i am a DDD with a tiny waist and long legs haha) but i am the biggest nerd at my school, class president, i am going to be validvictorian.......you get the picture, and i am normally a smartass to most guys because i dont trust them at all, so i guess thats why i have remained single and a virgin for so long plus i couldnt stand the thought of a guy touching me. But then this guy came along and i have known him for a while and i can relate with some of the stuff he has gone through, one thing he says he loves about me is that i actually care about him, i am not just looking to get laid like all the other girls he has been with. he has been with like 40+ other girls..........yeah, but thats how he dealt with what was happening in his life then and in a way i understand cause i watched one of my parents try to hurt themself because they were tired of dealing with the situation. This guy has been so nice and he is the first guy who i am actually beginning to trust and that honestly scares the crap out of me, because i dont want to be just another girl whose virginity he got, but he tells me i am special and is actually trying to make this relationship work, its sorta long distance. i dont send him pics like other girls, ive drawn many lines with him and he has respected them amazingly. He is gorgeous smart and constantly surrounded by other girls prettier than me and blond (i am brunette), but somehow he has stayed faithful. he says he wants me to stay in his life for the "long haul" and that that is his final decesion because i showed him something that he hadnt seen before (i know all guys say this which is why i am sorta scared). I am planning on going into law school and making a life for myself, i dont want to end up like my childhood was i want better for myself and i know i can do it. He wants to have sex, i do to, but he wont wear a condom, (he has never wore one with any of the girls), i want him to get tested but idk how to ask him, plus i am not on birthcontrol (not old enough) if i got pregnant that would ruin everything i have planned and i am not willing to give that up. I know he can be faithful because the last girlfriend he had who he was serious with lasted a year, he ended up getting her pregnant, they planned on keeping it, i know he really cared about her, but then on their one year anniversary he found out that she had been cheating on him with his best friend for a month and he lost all trust, he got suicidal for a while but then brought himself up out of it. I want this to work out for us, i know we would work it out, but idk with his past plus i know he is really good at getting girls and playing with them for awhile and then leaving, which i hope is not what he is doing to me, but idk how to find out the truth. people say you need to be at least 18 to decide anything because teens have hormones and everything but with all that we have been through i think we have both learned and seen plenty of life lessons with our past's . he makes me smile everyday, but i have learned to put myself first, i have learned not to become attached to people. So i know i just gave you alot of information but i am sorta confused about whether or not to have sex along with everything else. Thanks
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anniversary, best friend, cheated on me, condom, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): I also agree with satindesire and you are not too young for birth control. You can go to a clinic or where ever it is you go to get checked out by a doctor and ask for birth control... "CONFIDENTIAL!!" The Dr. will not question you or call your parents, etc... I'd say don't have sex with this boy but like satindesire mentioned, you will do what you want. So if you do decide to have sex think about the consequences and the responsibilities you will have to take if something does goes wrong. You have the option of walking away from the situation or simply telling him no. But we can't decide for you. You are your own person and no one can control you but you. The time you have been with him has been very very very short. 5 weeks and wanting to sleep with you??? Are you serious??? Have some common sense and please don't do anything stupid that can put your life at risk. Boys are horny dogs/ they're not all the same, but most of them are. Many don't use you to keep you, they use and abuse, then leave you. I was in a relationship with a guy who swore he loved me after knowing each other for so long. I was 17 at the time of our relationship and we were together 4 months. I did not want sex with him at the time...but hormones sometimes get in the way. I was lying down on the bed with him and I was in my panties...at the time he was masturbating me and my head was tilted the other way where i could not see him... he stuck his penis inside of me and I felt a tear but I was unaware he did this to me. after experiencing some pain I turned and told him "no what are you doing???" I was mad and scared, very scared...i did not know what to do but to stay still and go with it since it was already in. Chances were if he had an STD he had already transferred it to me in that short amount of time. Well then I left home, then i visited his school...only to find out he was cheating on me with some dumb ugly whore, and he was just using me. So I broke it off.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): I agree with DoubleM. Very honest and straightforward... it's reality and don't try to think it's something it isn't.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (18 November 2009):
 If he's had unprotected sex with all these girls, chances are high that he has a disease.
You can get sick the very first time you have sex. You could literally be putting your life and your health in danger.
If you abstain, you'll look back and be glad you did.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (18 November 2009):
 As you say, he is "really good at getting girls and playing with them for awhile and then leaving." You are next.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (17 November 2009):
 So, he has so much hardship he slept with 40 different girls, which considering his age must mean he never spent more then a week with any of them, and you wonder if it is a good idea to sleep with him.
There is really nothing that can be said to make you take of those rose-colored glasses and see the plain simple truth is there?
Oh well, another girl who has sex with a guy she will regret the rest of her life.
Join the club.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): Look no matter how smartass and bright spark you are, you don't seem to be realising that the alarm here is that he is prepared to jeapodise your health and livlihood by not wearing a condom; if he doesn't wear a condom he's prepared to risk you getting pregnant- or worse believe it or not. So you really want someone like this to be your first??
Listen there will be a whole jungle out there full of "hot" guys, some of which will be raring to go bastards after one thing and some will be decent and passionate, ready to love you for who you are - cause seriously, guys are always saying to you "hot slut" well they are animals who can't raise their heads above primitive waters and i feel pretty sure that because of your physical assets (not being derogatory) he'll be thinking the same thing- if he has indeeed slept with 40+ girls i'm sure you would fit in perfectly- he clearly has a one track mind and any girl who thinks twice about spreading deserves better.
Wouldn't the world be happier if we could all respect and appreciate ourselves above sacrificing ourselves to others but oh well we're all human. You don't deserve him and he doesn't deserve you, stay a virgin for now X
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A
female
reader, Kat1235  +, writes (17 November 2009):
I wouldn't give it up for your boyfriend. Not yet.You don't sound convinced that I you can trust him, and giving his history, I don't blame you.If you do decide to have sex, ensure he wears a condom! You don't know what he could have.Just be careful, this guy doesn't sound to great, he's got a lot to deal with and so do you. Maybe he'd be better as just a friend, some one you could chat to.
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A
male
reader, yankit +, writes (17 November 2009):
no, you can only give up your virginity once and it should be with the one you will be sleeping with the rest of yur life. trust me as one who knows,once you know your wife gave it up for someone else you'll never not think about it every time you make love. "Was he better? Washe bigger? Am I as good as he was? For the sake of your future husband save yourself for him. Just learn to find "other ways" to enjoy each other for now. There are tons of things to do that don't involve penetration with possible pregnacy too. Think it over for a month or two. get back to us then. Good luck and stay pure.
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