A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a 23 year old guy and never had a girlfriend before. Its not that I don't like women/girls, its because I don't know how to get one due to the fact that I always keep my mouth shut, but I can't help it because its my personality. It is kind of frustrating because girls always say "be yourself." Well too bad, the "real me" is the kind that most girls will not be interested, which is a very quiet person and dont talks a lot. My appearance, I am not bad looking, I am not bragging, this is just the internet so its useless to brag. I am 5'9, little bit slim and muscular at the same time, with broad shoulders. But I know that appearance is not everything. The question here is that, I have been single for 23 years and never had a girlfriend, how do I get one if I am a quiet person? And lets just say that I can't change my introverted personality, are there girls who like guys that are quiet? because believe me, I could be the most boring person you guys could ever met. So please guys, give me your suggestions, or any comments will be appreciated, thank you all!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2015): seems to be more common than we think
A
female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (14 August 2013):
 Who cares if you're quiet? Some girls like that.
I think the bigger issue is the "boring" part. Does this mean that you have no hobbies and don't ever leave your home? Because having hobbies and being active are how you'll meet a woman who will have enough in common with you so that a relationship could bud.
So, what interests do you have? Help us give you an idea of what kind of activities you should be out trying in order to have better date potentials.
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A
female
reader, agneeman  +, writes (14 August 2013):
 HiI think the fact that you called yourself boring underlies a self esteem issue that is probably part of the problem. When we reject ourselves we give off a vibe that encourages the opposite sex to reject us too. When, for instance, we have a new crush or a relationship suddenly everybody and their uncle is interested in us. This is because we give off "I'm sexy and likable" at least that's what I think.I have some practical advice which I hope will help with practice. It requires doing some, though minimal ( if you play your cards right) talking. Clearly you are not a talker so I shall assume you are a good listener and everybody loves a good listener especially the very talkative fairer sex.Here it is: Ask questions.Simple. That way you get to do minimal talking and STILL get points for being a remarkable conversationalist, because everyone loves talking about themselves (the exception being people like your wonderful intense self)Eg: Tell me about yourself? What about your family? Any siblings?what are your hobbies? An unselfish girl would ask about you in turn. You can have your answers ready, keep them brief and follow up with the next question.Just remember:Silence is ok.It's ok to say "I'd prefer to talk about you" (only if it's true because otherwise it may come off as cheesey) alternatively: I don't like talking [about myself] much. A girl who likes you will respect thatMore questions to ask: Do you read? Who's your favourite author? What kinds of books? Why? Good luck mister sexy listener boyfriend...Clearly you are not a talker but perhaps you are a lialiste [listener? -mod.]
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (14 August 2013):
 As long as u vibe out confidence women wont care!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): Go to nightclub. May be with your MALE friend. Dance n have a smile on the face.Look around, there are plenty of single girls.Start with common things. Hi hello sorry etc.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 August 2013):
 Lots of young women have a "thing" for "the strong, silent type"..... which is how you described yourself.....
Be patient... "the one" may show up on the seat next to you on the bus,.... in line with you at the library,... or in the produce section of your grocery store....
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): I was pretty similar to you, apart from a couple of snogs at university I never had a proper girlfriend till I was 24 or so. I agree the advice about 'being yourself' is not much good for getting girls if that self is shy - outgoing and confident people are the ones who attract girls. I think it's likely that you will find a girlfriend from amongst the girls you already know, through work or other activities. If they get to know you without the pressure of dating then someone will realise what a great guy you are. That's what happened to me! 15 years later I'm married to a girl I met at work when I was 26.
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A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (13 August 2013):
 Personally, I think it all starts with changing the things you say to yourself IN YOUR HEAD!!Try something different for a change. Personally I tend to be just about as introverted as you.So, to deal with social anxiety, I developed a habit of talking to various people from all walks of life on a daily basis.Both men and women, whether super hot/ordinary, and over time you'll notice that you become desensitised in a positive way to socialising with people in general.The side benefit is that you'll GRADUALLY be able to vibe with women you find attractive!!Just start slow, lightly chit chatting with one or two people you encounter as you get through your day. Good luck, keep your head up and don't be too hard on yourself. You'll get there!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): I personally prefer guys to be a bit quieter. I hate the loud show offy guys and all of my boyfriends have been super shy. Just because they are quiet doesn't make them boring at all. The problem is, if you're saying you prefer to say nothing at all even when you are with someone you know and are comfortable with. That indeed sounds more like social anxiety (which I understand it can manifest in a dislike and avoidance of small talk or conversation as much as possible). If that is the case you may need to do some work on overcoming it just a bit as no-one wants to sit in silence forever. You sound like a nice person though so please don't worry, I'm sure it will all work out for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): "I have been single for 23 years and never had a girlfriend, how do I get one if I am a quiet person?"
Find a well-paying career suited to your introverted personality. As a quiet guy old enough to be your grandfather, believe me when I tell you that nothing speaks louder to women than the sound of money in your pockets.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): Best thing to do is to not think of yourself as boring. Go and do something out of the ordinary for you, such as a trip abroad in some exotic location or skydiving. It will make you look at things differently then you will project that onto other people.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 August 2013):
 Let me ask you this question: if you were a girl, would you want to date you, as you've described yourself here?
Of course there are quiet girls who like quiet boys, there are even extroverted girls who like introverted boys. If your introversion is more than merely being quiet, if it is indeed social anxiety, well, there are ways to deal with that.
Would you say you find yourself anxious in social situations?
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