A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:heymy girlfriend was sexually abused and has nightmares about her uncle. she cuts herself sometimes and she tells me about the dreams and i cant handle it so i cut myself. i have gotten her help and i went to the police and im not asking about cutting because i know you arent allowed on this site but i just want to know how to cope with my girlfriend getting over her sexual abuse because its giving me nightmares about killing him.i really need some helpim on medication, have had hypnotherapy, counselling and i have a psychologist and psychiatrist. the medication only made the nightmares worse and the rest isnt helping. the only nights she gets the nightmares is when im not with her.thank you Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): she was abused from a very young age til 13 and her uncle is not in the picture, i went to the police and as soon as he steps foot in this state he will be arrested.
she is going away on holiday soon so if being apart will help theres the opportunity but we see each other only every weekend anyway.
she told me she only has the nightmares when im not with her.
she has left some things out when she sees her therapist and im making sure she tells them everything.
she has been seeing this therapist for about 2 months maybe a little bit more.
about the time apart thing im not sure how that would work because i dont think she would have even begun to get over it if it wasnt for me.
thanks
A
female
reader, Tine  +, writes (16 November 2009):
 you both need to go back to your Psychologist and psychiatrist because obviously your counselling has not helped you a great deal. This is a terrible thing that has happened and my heart goes out to your girlfriend and i completely understand your feelings towards this abuser however the more you leave it without seeking help for yourself the more this is going to escalade.
Maybe you are thinking that she only has these nightmares when you are not with her, or maybe she is just a bit nervous when you are with her ecause of the male company, that i do not know however you both need to seek help as individuals aswell as together. As for the medication you need to let the doctor know that you are not sleeping well with it and they will be able to perscribe you with a different type, maybe a few sleeping tablets aswell??
do you guys ever talk together about this tragedy?? do you ever spend quality time together where it is completely out of your mind, like goin on dates etc?? maybe sometimes your girlfriend just needs to have a good time where she can not think about her past for even an hour and then you can progress from there. She may have repressed feelings of what has happened to her and by expressing her feelings and letting all her emotions out it may make her feel a bit better.
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A
female
reader, Another_Kapiti  +, writes (16 November 2009):
 I have to ask a few questions before I give you advice on your problem. At what age was your girlfriend abused? Has she only recently begun to seek advice from a therapist? Something like this can take years to heal, but at least she's making a start.As for the nightmares you have about killing her uncle, it's your protectiveness of your girlfriend and your mind working out the feelings of rage that's giving you nightmares, and doesn't mean that you'll actually do anything about them! Tell your Counsellors about your feelings and perhaps they can suggest some relaxation techniques that you could do to relax yourself before bed.Does your girlfriend still see her uncle? I hope not, but if he's still in the picture, hopefully the police can charge him with sexual misconduct with a minor or something similar.
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