A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Would you date a loner?I don't have that many friends, but it's not because of Social Anxiety Disorder or because I do strange things. I'm just highly independent, enjoy spending time self-reflecting and doing solo activities (reading, drawing, listening to music), and am very discerning in who I get close to. I'm not shy, and I do have a great time going to parties and hanging out in groups when I find myself in either of those situations.But you wouldn't know any of that if you were only going on first impressions; you'd just see that I'm a loner.So, based only on first impressions, would you pursue a loner if you liked enough of the other elements of this person's personality?I'm just curious about how people feel about the subject.
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female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (21 October 2012):
 I am the same way too, but Im a loner due to being shy and feeling extremely inadequate around others.
And yes, people can date loners. I find that introverts tend to be attracted to people slightly more extroverted than them, at least, I do sometimes. Because I am so shy and tend to be a loner, Im sometimes attracted the social butterfly. It depends really.
Dont worry about it. As long as you enjoy your own company, others will too =).
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2012): Im a little embarrassed to admit I have a type or anything, but I'm always attracted to loners. I like someone who doesn't always just follow the crowd and appreciates solitude and such like. I always find them fascinating and want to know whats going on inside their minds. So yes, in short, people can be attracted to loners and they do date loners. I spent several months last year 'pursuing' (ie trying to get accepted into the life) of a guy who was a bit of a loner and very selective about his friends.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2012): Why would that be a problem? What man would care how many friends you have? I personally never had many friends, but those I made I keep for life.
Social butterflies most of time fail to make good friendships. They have all these random people in their lives that come and go, that they can't keep track of anyone.that's why they call butterflies, short lived.
You being a loner will get even "worse" with time, I can tell you that. You would rather be alone with your book, than hang out with all these random people who you have no interest with.
I don't see how a guys can care about his quality, unless you refused all the time to see his friends, or do other activities in a group all the time, than it may be will be a problem
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 October 2012):
 I don't see why not . Indeed, before reading your question I had never suspected that this could be construed as a problem .
I am like you- not shy , not uneasy in large groups or parties, social when required, but basically I like spending time on my own doing solo activities. I even lie some times, to get out of going to the movies with friends,lol... (I love cinema, but precisely for this reason, I prefer to enjoy my movies by myself, without distracting presences. )
This has never been a hindrance in my dating life and has never stopped men from pursuing me .- particularly at your age.Then again , it is also true that I was not too drawn to social butterflies ,and I guess I would not have been attracted to begin with to someone who just wants to go clubbing every night.
It's a matter of compatibility, as always. You just need to meet someone on your wavelength, and luckily they are more that you'd think at first, and they become more with age ( being ultra-social and ultra-popular is seen as a big bonus at 18, much less at 28 ).
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (21 October 2012):
 I'm outgoing and a social butterfly. My husband is a loner. So yes, not only do people date them, sometimes we marry them too!
However, I want to warn you...being a loner doesn't excuse you from being an adult, so if you're interested in getting to know someone, and possibly dating them, it's your responsibility to approach them. Loners often get caught in a vicious cycle of loneliness, which makes them shy away from approaching interesting people, which makes them lonely. Don't get caught up in that trap. You can still socialize and date while being a loner.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 October 2012):
 Oh yeah. You would be low maintenance and definitely not clingy to a guy if you have your own rich and full life that isn't propped up by anyone else. Guys go for girls like you. You'd be someone worth getting to know.
I think it's a sign of health to be comfortable with yourself. That won't go away when you're with someone.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2012): This wouldn't bother me, in fact it would be more of a reason to date someone. But this might be because i'm very much like what you described as well. You just need to meet the right person.
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (21 October 2012):
 To me it sounds like you are independent and confident in being on your own. Do men like that? Yes, they love it. Personally I preferred to date a loner as well, I am not very social myself. Just be yourself and someone will like you for exactly who you are.
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