A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my current partner for almost four years in an LDR, I am very deeply in love with him and I have shared some good times with him. He makes me laugh, treats me like a princess and I have had a lot of notable 'first' experiences with him.Two nights ago, we had a bust up. It started over something quite small and insignificant and escalated into him not talking to me (by phone or text) for a whole day which is very unusual for us. He ignored all my attepmts to contact.Eventually, we spoke but only by text and it got around to him telling me he didn't care anymore, he wanted out and didn't want to be with me. He even went as far as telling me he was going to change his phone number. Needless to say, I was literally hysterical.These things have happened before, but never to this extent. Usually, I get upset, we talk it over and all is well.It all stems from the fact that he feels I'm not serious about being with him and having a future (living together etc.) and he feels as though I am not prepared to listen to him and take what he tells me on board. He says he is trying to help me to help us be together.He has said himself that he bottles things up to the point where it overflows and he snaps, whereas when I am confronted with anger or resent in any form from any person I usually tend to recoil and hope it will go away, he will react in anger.A few friends and family members have told me they think he is controlling, which I told him and he was mortified and apologised profusely, saying that was never his intention and he doesn't want me to feel that way.My family have made it abundently clear that they do not want him around after the state I was in.This has left a massive strain on us and we are basically in limbo, not officially seperated but not together. He has apologised for saying some very hurtful things and for not talking to me to sort things out and I have acknowledged and apologised for simply curling up and refusing to face issues head on.I am fully aware that we are both at fault in different ways here. I am fully of the slightly old-fashioned opinion that if something is broken, you fix it and don't throw it away.We have since spoken on the phone and whilst I do understand some points he makes, I need him to understand how hurtful he has been and I need to know it wont happen again. I'm not foolish enough to believe every relationship doesn't have the odd issue but I don't ever want to be madde to feel that way again.I don't want to lose him because despite everything I adore him and I am more than willing to do what it takes to work this out, but I know if I don't end it my family will disapprove and will shun him.This is just a VERY brief outline, I can't recall every detail right nowWe are both in our mid-late 20's, no children and both working.... if that's makes any shadow of a difference to peoples opinions and advice....
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 October 2012):
 I can understand why your family are concerned. They saw how upset you where and am sure they did not want to see you so upset and off course he got the blame, so yes it is hard for family to come back from that, but you need to remember here that it is your relationship and your choice. If your family love you then they will stick by your decision even if they don't think it is the right one.
LDR are never easy to keep going. You don't mention how often you both meet up or how much time you spend together. This could play a big part in your future as well. There needs to be set plans in order for a LDR to work. Have you both discussed the future and where you are both heading. Have you both talked about where you are going to be living in the future or even set a date? If not then really this relationship won't work unless there is confidence there that the both of you want the same things.
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