A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im 17 and my bf is 23. i am 7 months pregnant and he does not want to stop having sex. i get tired and just wanna be loved. be4 i got pregnant we would have sex 5 times a day and he loved it but i cant do it anymore. hes the only person im allowed to see im not allowed friends and i have to ahve his dinner on the tablehow can i get out of this rut with himand make him see im not just some silly kidbut hes gfand the mother of his babyplz help xx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Shelly86  +, writes (28 July 2008):
Sex IS part of a relationship between a couple. If both you and your baby are healthy you should be able to have sex throughout your entire pregnancy. Your obviously in a serious relationship, you having his baby after all, so I don't think it would be fair for you to deny him sex. On the other hand he shouldn't be able to keep you from seeing your friends.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): Vow, I am so sorry that you have to be so lonely at this time of your life; you should be able to share the joy of your pregnancy with family and friends;
You have received some excellent advice from the aunts in the previous postings;
I just want to remind you that you MUST get lots of rest now; once the bavy is there; for the first few months you will get very little rest;
If need be ask your doctor to speak to your boyfriend;
if things does not improve; I suggest you should consider moving out; staying with your parents or relatives if possible for at least untill after the baby is born;
"tisha" also gave you some info on people to contact for assistance; please do what ever is needed;
You have to take care of YOU and the unborn baby; that is priority number one;
PLEASE do GET ENOUGH REST.
A big HUG and best wishes;
Do keep us posted;
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 July 2008):
 Hi, your post sounds like you are very unhappy. And that you aren't 'allowed' any friends? What about your family? I think this isn't a very good situation for you, from what you've told us.
Who has decided that he is the only person you are allowed to see? Him? I don't think you really agree with this at all, and I'd like to give you a website and freephone number that you can call to talk with someone there...
Womens Aid- A great resource for women in bad domestic situations. Got a massive range of support services from “safe refuges” for those most at risk to just plain old sound advice. Site is awesome but friendly and welcoming so not surprising some victims feel more reassured just visiting it.
www.womensaid.org.uk
0808 2000 247 (Freephone)
I hope that they can give you some help. Do you have no one in your family that you can go to? Your mum? A sister? An aunt? I really would like you to have a chat with a counselor about this because from what you've told us, this might be be a very bad situation for you. It certainly doesn't sound good to me. No friends? No family? Forced sex? very bad...
Please call the number or visit the website I've given you so that you can get some really practical help.
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, jessleigh +, writes (11 July 2008):
You should really talk to yur Doctor about this. From your post it seems like an abusive relationship and your doctor can help you find counsling for the both of you or help you get out safely for the sake of you and the baby. good luck girl, take care of yourself and little bit too
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (11 July 2008):
 Time to get a backbone. Stand up for yourself. If you don't want to be treated like a kid, start acting like an adult, and don't allow this to happen. I am a stay at home mom right now, and I appreciate everything my sweetie does to help support us, therefore I keep the balance by keeping a clean home, dinner on the table when he gets home, etc. It's important to make sure there is a balance in the home, it's the adult thing to do. As for sex, well, 5 times a day is rediculous. Maybe you need to tell him to back off or you will have the docters tell him that it isn't good for you (even though studies show that sex is the best thing especially when you are pregnant). Have you told him that pregnancy is making you fatigued and that right now, what you need is to feel loved, and comferted? Maybe educating him on how any lady 7 months pregnant would be feeling would help him to understand why you are feeling the way you do. Have you got the "What to Expect When Expecting" book? You need it and so does he. Good luck, and congrads on the little one!
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (11 July 2008):
 Sorry to be blunt, but you shouldn't have brought a baby into this world if this guy is as controlling as you have said he is.
However, I will not dwell on this point.
I don't think it's the fact that he sees you as a silly kid that is causing him to behave like this. It seems that he's very insecure and wants to control you so that you will not go out and meet other guys. Your age may have something to do with it, in that young people tend to go from relationship to relationship in quite a short space of time.
I would sit him down and say "Please listen to what I have to say and don't take this as me accusing you. I need you to understand that we shouldn't be having sex until after the birth of the baby. As you can understand, I don't want this baby to be harmed in any way and I'm sure you feel the same way, but to give me this assurance, I don't want to have sex until after the birth."
If you use phrases like "I feel", "I think that" etc. He can't accuse you of having feelings but "you do" and "You always.." will automatically make his stop listening to you as he will feel accused.
As for the not being allowed to have friends, it seems to me that this guy is very insecure and after the birth of the baby, I suggest you talk to him and say "I'm feeling very lonely being at home all the time, I would like to talk to some of my old friends and introduce them to our beautiful baby and just to go out every now and then. You know I wouldn't betray you or hurt you, you can trust me. I feel that you don't want me to see my friends because you are scared I will run off with someone, but I won't. Please trust me and let me see my old friends."
If he doesn't listen to you or carries on controlling you ( because that's what he's doing), you need to get out of this very unhealthy relationship with your baby and go and live with your parents or something. Allow him to see the baby, but hun, if you end up leaving him, remember why and don't go back to him, you'll just end up in the same situation, if not, worse.
Take care of yourself and good luck with the birth.
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): What? "Not allowed to have friends"? Red flags all over... you're not his slave. Sadly you're pregnant, so it's not too easy to get up and RUN away from him as fast as you can!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): you need to tell him how u feel! first of all its not fair the way he treats you - you are not there for him to boss you around tell you what you can and can not do! and if you have told him that you dont want sex and he still insists on it without your consent then im afraid that is rape!
He should be the one looking after you anyway you are pregnant with his child he should be making sure you ave everything that you need! im not saying that you shouldnt be doing anything around the house or anything like that ur not an invalid ur just pregnant so yeh you can still do things like cook the tea but he shouldnt be telling you that it should be there on the table for him!
Also you need to explain to him that you want to see other people like your family and friends! he seems very controling to me from what you say - he cant stop you from seeing other people such as friends - what would he do if you did?? he can not keep you prisoner in your own home!
I suggest that you both sit down and have a good talk about your situation and how you are feeling! but if you feel that you can not do that then im afraid you need to get out! coz this man is not for you! find some one you can trust!
My friend had a boyfriend once who told her she could not see anyone of us anymore he was a very jealous person and he ended up getting violent towards her luckily she got out of it b4 it got too bad i urge you to do the same! im not saying ur partner is violent but im worried about the consequences you would face if you were to go out with your friends!
You need to think carefully about how you feel living in this situation and are you happy for your child to be brought up in this situation if the answer to any of those questions is no then you need to seriously consider getting out!
Sorry if i sound harsh at all but i think you need to e careful in this situation for both yours and your babys sake!
(if i am totaly of the mark i appologise now ignore all of what i said!)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): Honey, it sounds to me like he is trying to control you, and now your having his baby. your not allowed friends and must have his dinner on the table? ur 17, not 47, and u should be doing what u want, not what he wants. if u continue to allow him to control you like he is, then i can assure u, you are going to regret it very much in 10 years time! all the best.x
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