A
female
age
36-40,
*luelessnc
writes:ok im twenty years old and ive never had a boyfriend. sometimes i feel like such a freak.. i kissed a guy i really liked (when i was 18) but pulled away each time he used tongue because i was afraid to be a bad kisser. im a people person, very pleasant and friendly... plus, people tell me im pretty all the time and ask me why im single (which makes me feel worse)... i want to experience sex before i die, but i dont want my first time to be with JUST ANYONE. i get asked out a lot and most always turn the guys down (mostly because im not interested, but sometimes i AM, im just too terrified). i also find that i am attracted mostly to unavailable men (be it emotionally, geographically or that they are involved with someone) and im really picky about physical appearance... probably too picky. if im not physically attracted to a guy i wont even consider getting involved with him. im so afraid to be vulnerable and show my inexperience to a guy.. even though thats what i want more than anything.. to ALLOW myself to be vulnerable. i know its probably good to not have had my heart broken, but (pardon the cliche) isnt it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?
View related questions:
kisser, never had a boyfriend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kassie +, writes (25 March 2008):
 i can relate to you bcuz i have not had a boyfriend in 4 or 5 years and they say i am pretty and why i am single i tell them that my heart got broken in the sixth grade i know i was young but i felt that i was in love and in the end he cheated so i have not ever been very involved with any man since then bcuz i feel that i can't trust them and i am only 18!.that certain guy ruined my dreams of wanting to get married!!!!!!!
A
female
reader, cluelessnc +, writes (24 March 2008):
cluelessnc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your words, guys... and one of you asked about past abuse and/or negative role models- i have never been abused by my parents in any way (nor by anyone else that i can think of), but they recently split... so i definitely have the negative role model thing. and yeah, i do see relationships around me and think "uggh.. i dont want that". o and thanks for the advice about following my own star and not paying too much attention to my friends and their relationships, i appreciate it!
...............................
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 March 2008):
 Sure that saying has a lot of truth in it. FOR OLD PEOPLE!
Geez, you are 20 and acting like your life is over.
Attraction to unavailable men is easy enough to explain, you can then have the feeling of attractions without worrying about actually doing anything about it.
There could be two reasons, you are just a late-bloomer. It happens, don't be too much in a hurry to be 'mature', enjoy being single.
One thing I learned from this is that past abuse is often a factor. How was the relationship between your parents? What kind of rolemodel did they set for you.
Don't let society pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. Remember another saying "misery loves company" and then ask yourselve why you friends want you to hook up just like them.
If you just rather be single, do so. Better then all those women hanging on to the wrong men because they are afraid of being single. Don't fall in love for the sake of it.
It probably isn't smart to be too hung up on looks. Hunks know they are hunks and can and will use women as playthings just because they can. Not saying that all ugly men are nice guys, but be careful picking someone for their looks.
The fact that you use the word terrified for being asked out leads me to think you have had a negative rolemodel in the past.
Or you just see what relationships around you are like and think "DO NOT WANT".
Be honest with yourselve and live your own life. Not that of your friends.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): i think you will be fine, i mean you kissed a guy at 18 so at least you kissed a guy and you are being asked out so thats good. Try and not be too focus on not having a boyfriend and maybe just then, you will met someone you like or are attracted to. I do agree with your end statement, but in doing that you may have try and not be so into physical appearances and look more at their personality and the way they are as a person. Through that if you like who he is as a person, you will feel more comfortable around him. Good luck thou!
...............................
|
