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female
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*p
writes: Me and my boyfriend split around .. 2 months ago he cheated on me alot and hit me and treated me bad. I was ok we didnt see each other or speak, i met osmeone and was happy. My ex rung me crying saying he missed me and never realised how much he loves me.After several weeks of contact and meeting i decided to get back with him but i cant, my prents hate him and forbid me to get back with him. i'm 16 he's 19. I cant talk to my parents because they will just slap me r something they think " love" only happens to older people. They dont understand. i told my ex to come and talk to them and tell them what he's told me and apologize. He's going to but he's lingering it out. i wanna be with him. I also told him to prove to me he loves me.. how can i get my parents to understand and how can get them to like him?I'm 16 whats my rights? like am i actually aloud to go out with anyonenow that i'm legal or she still chooseing? i feel like im 12. i want to make mistakes and learn from them not regret ever trying again.
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cheated on me, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2007): It is one thing learning from your own mistakes but believe me love is blind. Untill you are 18 you are still considered a minor so there is nothing reallly you can do. But any man who can hit you can never truely love you like you deserve to be loved. You will get to make your own mistakes but this time please for your own sake listen to your parents
A
female
reader, BeckaR +, writes (20 October 2006):
 If you don't want these babies, don't have them. I am unsure as to how you already know it is twins tho. If you are far enough along to have had an ultrasound to show that, are you not too far along to have an abortion at this point? My advice is that you weigh out the pros and cons to having a baby vs not having the baby. This is a pretty clear crossroad in your life and you are lucky and get to make the choice for yourself about which path you are going to take.
Having children so young is going to change your life drastically and make everything that much more tough for the next few years but that doesn't mean that it will be all bad. Just remember that these babies need everything from you and never depend on anyone else to support you.
It's a huge decision and not an easy one at that, good luck to you and remember that you are 16, right now you need to make the deicision that is best for you at this point in your life.
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A
female
reader, Dp +, writes (19 October 2006):
Dp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey bad news!! i found out i'm pregnant.. it gets worst it could possibly be twins.
ive always wanted twins .. and il never have another chance. i dont want children with this man.
i love him, but maybe the abuse could channel out the the babies.
i told him i was pregnant he ses im lying.. but i told him i dont want him apart of it and i hate him and suddenly now he believes me.
i told him i want to have an abortion.. because im a child myself. i want to have a childhood and do things people my age do. i want to go to prom , and go to college and have a career. he now thniks id rather go to prom for 1 night than have his kids. he sed if i get rid of the he'll tell everyone everything thtas happened between us and make up horrible stuff... and well he aint the person to mess with.
He did it to his ex and well she's got a name now.
i dont want that.
but if i have his kids
will be "slag" for getting pregnant so young i cant win either way all i do now is having these kids will ruin my life and i now i couldnt provide for them.
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A
female
reader, Dp +, writes (15 October 2006):
Dp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i took all your advice, but i sat and thought. He's changed, yes. but do i actually liek this person, no. i love him, but i hate him, if you understand and it took me months to break away from him and finally be apart from him. and for a change i'm in control. I think im not gonig to get back with him, well i know i aint going to, and in time , il see what else is a about and for now, im going to concentrate on things that really matter.thank you for everything everyone! x
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A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (13 October 2006):
 Well if you are mature enough to be IN LOVE...you are mature enough to wait two years....two years is not even a blink in a long term relationship...
Two years is a fair punishment for hitting you...even one time.
Because if someone hits my child....first I am going to scare the crap out of them and they won't ever want to come back.
Then her daddy will have a long talk with him about the interesting firearm laws of Texas and the vast open spaces of the Mojave desert.
Then her godfather will stomp the heck out of the kid just because he's from a northern part of the country where...thats just what they DO. and my boyfriend will beat that kid's Daddy one breath away from dead and if there is a warrant out for anyone who has the same hair color he will collect that reward just for bringing up a little girl hitter(must have seen daddy hitting momma)...which is right there below mentally deranged booger eater and cattle rustler in the books where I live. So your pretty lucky not to live in My house...and so is your boyfriend.
I know he's sorry. But he did not appreciate you when he had your parents trust...Now the only way he has of earning it back is be a man and Face them...very humbly. Or do without you. If he does not think facing your own very docile sounding parents is worth it. Baby don't help him....If he will sneak around to SEE you...rather than be a big boy...then when you need him to be a grown up the next time.....you already know...it is not there.
Your parents may be the most stupid uncaring Mean hateful people in the world And I am certain they wake up every morning Grinning about the diabolical plans they cooked up in the dead of night to RUIN YOUR YOUNG LIFE......
But in two years....Your life will be your own....and its funny....at your age your parents are idiots....by the time you reach my age...YOU wonder How in the world they learned so much when you started out so far ahead of them.
It is HIS job to convince your mom and dad. Not yours. Do you not have another ambition in your head other than...be somebody's girlfriend? You are not asking about what classes would be better for college..chemistry or physics. your asking...what can i do to make my parents do what I want and If I can't do that...can I just get away with sneaking?
Talk to anybody who got married at your age..ask them what they missed. My husband married his first wife at 16....he didn't get to play college football or have a senior year...he didn't get to join a frat...or go to a single prom... there was no graduation day or beaming parents taking pictures.....he learned to work hard in the hot Texas sun and support people....and its all he's known. Ask him what he wishes he'd done at your age. Ask him about how well he could have done in college. His little brother went back and made a 4point....here that's the best you can do...it straight As..the highest marks possible.
Don't erase all your chances in life for someone who hit you ...then shed a few tears. To heck with what your parents want...Drop that boy for YOURSELF..because your worth more...and YOUR kids should have better than parents who start way to early. That is YOUR Right. You have a Right to a terrific life..don't throw it away.
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A
female
reader, andrea23 +, writes (11 October 2006):
 i had a bf like that when i was your age, i stuck him for 3yrs & my parents weren't to happy. so once they noticed i wasn't listening to what they said my mum told me she wasn't gonna nag me anymore & that i'll come to my senses some day in which i did. your parents should just let you get on with it because you'll wise up someday & realise this boy isn't for you. you have to make your own mistakes to learn from them & believe me you'll learn
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2006): All I can say, that as a parent, if ANYONE ever hurt my child, I'd do more than just beat the crap out of him.
Think about THAT for a second, if YOU were a parent and someone was abusing YOUR kid, what would YOU do?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2006): At 16 i went out with some one like your b/f who used to hit me and i truly thought I loved him I thought i could be the one to help him change I took the abuse for 5yrs and one day i woke up and realise that man was never gonna change and im afraid unless your b/f gets some serious help neither will he if i were you i would wait until he finds some type of help and sees it through if he can do that that will prove he loves you if he cant dont be a door mat like me your parents are only conserned for you because they love you and how would you feel if a daughter of yours told you she wanted to be with that type of man i bet you would do all you could to stop her making this very big mistake dont be a statistic be a winner good luck
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A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (9 October 2006):
 Perhaps your parents are concerned that he will revert to form and start hitting you again. In most cases the abuse only gets worse, and you deserve better. There is no excuse big enough for hitting someone you are supposed to love. I know this..
I had a boyfriend when I was 16 who hit me and was always so sorry, breaking his heart and crying all night outside my house. Then I would be so moved I would forgive, because I loved him - or so I thought) but then he would be OK for a while, then lash out again and this happened so many times that by the end, although I thought I would die without him, I broke it off.
I am so glad I did, because in my lifetime I have met so many lovely guys who have treated me with so much respect and never lay a finger to hurt me. I have had so much fun, and am so glad I did not give in to a lifetime of fear!
You are so young. Please don't waste your life! Take care of yourself, and find the one who deserves you.
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A
female
reader, Dp +, writes (9 October 2006):
Dp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone
its really hard to talk to my parents because they never listen
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A
female
reader, Dp +, writes (9 October 2006):
Dp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks.. i know, but he's changed and any hit me the once which he spent weeks making up to me.
i understand why they stop me. but how can i make them see we ai playing round i love him and i really think he loves me?
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A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (9 October 2006):
 I can understand how you feel as far as the wanting to try but I also see your parents point because he did hit you. They don't know if he'll do it again and how far he will go the next time. You are still a minor and you live with your parents but your rights are slim to none. Also, you should tell your abusive ex to seek counseling first and then see if it can work between the two of you. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Katylouise +, writes (9 October 2006):
You are old enough to date boys but parents always worry about thier children and it only shows that they care. Even though they realise that you have to make your own decision they only want the very best for you and they obviously dont think that this guy is the best for you. Usually parents are always right in the end about men i know this only too well my mum and dad have always been right about my ex's. You need to show your mum and dad how grown up you are by sitting them down and explaining to them in a calm grown up way that you understand how much they care and you appreciate everything they do for you but that you love your boyfriend and you just want to be allowed to learn from your mistakes. Once you have spoke to them in this way they should realise how serious you really are. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2006): I know better than most that the badboy boyfriend can become a better person and a better boyfriend as it happened to my bf, and if you believe you can help him then go for it (also, i am 16 and he is nearly 19). Your parents are just trying to protect you from harm, which again i can relate to, but if your guy really is changed then you can prove them wrong. Don't be stupid and stay with him if he abuses you like he did before, because relationships are based on more than just love, and you need to look after yourself however much you may love him. Hope this helps, good luck xx
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