A
female
age
26-29,
*iss_jena
writes:hey, my name is jena. around september 25th maybe i had unprotected sex with my kinda boyfrind. a couple days later we had unprotected sex again. i havent takin a pregnancy test yet...but im not feeling any of the symptoms except being tired and sore boobs.i have had two periods...im actually on mine right now. but im kinda wondering how can i not be pregnant???? i mean my belly is kinda getting bigger if i just relax...but in a waay i kinda wanna be pregnant, just thinking about it makes me feel like it was ment yuh know....maybe not but if you have any input about my little situation i would be more than greatful. (:
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (17 December 2009):
 Well these are your exact words....
"but in a waay i kinda wanna be pregnant, just thinking about it makes me feel like it was ment yuh know"
So generally when you say you "wanna be pregnant" the aunts/uncles are on here are going to assume that you want to get pregnant!
And anyway, anyone that has sex without using protection is trying to get pregnant - after all we all know how babies are made and having sex without a condom or birth control is a sure fire way to have a baby!
A
female
reader, miss_jena +, writes (16 December 2009):
miss_jena is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey...ok i think you guys may have gotten the wrong impression...i didnt come up with the title this web site did...im not hope oooorrrr wishing i am pregnant, i am hoping and wishing im NOT though....and the boyfriend thing we were going out at the time and now were kinda going off and on. but i was never trying to have a kid i understand what you guys are saying and thanks for everything but i just dont want you guys to think im crazy yuh know, thanks,
jena
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A
female
reader, discombobulateteenager +, writes (16 December 2009):
you are way too young.. i am also 14 and i could never even imagine having a child right now. im totally cool with having sex but if i were to get pregnant i think i would get an abortion bc i am wayyyyyy too young to be a mother. it would be a child raising a child!! use condoms protect yourself... guaranteed you will regret it in the future
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A
female
reader, Lyra Anna  +, writes (16 December 2009):
 Oh sweety, you`re still just a kid! A baby is a big responsability and takes lot of care, money, knowledge and your free time. Some people think that having a baby in 25 is toooo soon, and you are so young now... You better think twice and even more about it. Frist of all, you shouldnt have unprotected sex. Some of those people before me already said what all can be consequences of doing that without protection. Think about your health!
Lood luck! :)
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (16 December 2009):
Ok so having unprotected sex twice doesnt mean you "will" get pregnant - it is not guaranteed. It can take some people months and months to get pregnant, and for some people it only takes 1 time. Everyone is different.
However you are only 14 and should not be trying to get pregnant! You dont even have a serious boyfriend, so please stop thinking that a baby is a good idea and please stop having unprotected sex! Not only could you get pregnant, you could also catch a serious STD. You really should get an STD test just to check you havent caught anything, STD's range from ones that are a mild irritation to ones that can cause infertility and even kill you in the case of HIV/AIDS. So please get a test and then start using condoms!
As for why you might want a baby, this question is asked a lot on this site, by many girls aged between 13 and 18. So this is pretty much what I say to all of them:
First of the all the reason you "want" a baby is because of puberty - your hormones are running riot in your body at the moment and they are designed to make you think you want a child. As soon as you start your periods technically your body thinks it is ready to have a child, so this is an instinct that has long been built in to our bodies. The whole point of life is to reproduce, so as soon as we physically can reproduce our bodies start urging us to do so. So what you are feeling is normal however it is a phase - and you will grow out of it! Just because your hormones are raging it does not mean you have to follow them; medicine and society have come a long way and we know it is not a good idea for teens to have babies.
Here are just a few reasons why:
1. Teens have a much higher risk of complications during a pregnancy. You would be particularly susceptible to have small/underweight babies (due to your body not being developed enough to allow the baby to grow properly), premature birth and high blood pressure. Small babies are 60% more likely to have health problems and even die at birth or in the first few weeks of their lives.
2. You are still a child yourself and dont have much life experience. Think about why your parents are great and the good things about the way they brought you up - I bet a lot of it has to do with the wisdom and knowledge they were able to pass on to you. They only gained that wisdom and knowledge through experiencing life for all it has to offer, not giving up a large part of their childhood to raise children! At 14 you are just starting out in the world, you have so much left to learn and so much more growing up to do. So if you dont let yourself learn and grow fully, you wont be able to pass anything on to your children because you just havent experienced enough to know anything about the world! Surely you want to be able to offer your child as much as possible, so they grow up in an enriched environment and they become intelligent, successful people? You will be severely limiting their chances at this if you have a child now.
3. Finances. Where do you think you are going to get the money to have a child? They cost more money than you can ever imagine - even for a couple with 2 good incomes a child still drains all their money and they struggle for cash. You cant rely on your family for financial support either - is it fair to ask your family to spend all their extra cash on supporting you because you decided to get pregnant when YOU want, not when is BEST for everyone? You cant rely off benefits from the government either - what they give you is a tiny amount and you will be wasting taxpayers money by becoming just another teen mum. Before you have a child ideally you need your own house that you own, you should have a full time job and a partner with a full time job (both with career progression opportunities). Otherwise you are going to struggle financially and I'm sure you will want to be able to give your child everything it wants/needs - so surely waiting is the right thing to do?
4. Your boyfriend. A child needs a mum and a dad to raise it properly, it is not fair to bring a child into this world without a dad that wants to stick around for the rest of its life. And even if you do have a boyfriend, the chances are he wont stick around if you get pregnant! The amount of times on this site I have seen young teenage mums come on complaining that after having a baby, their boyfriend's have left them or started becoming more distant/lazy. Every one of them always said "during the pregnancy he was really happy and couldnt wait for the baby to come" and then after it is born they are left wondering what went wrong while they are bringing up the baby alone! I know you might think that your boyfriend would stick around, but men are much more immature than girls during the teen years and when responsibility hits them, they get scared and run a mile! Men technically have no obligation to the child - whereas you carried it for 9 months and have an intense bond to the child, men dont really have any physical or emotional bond to the child. You are too young to handle this strain on a relationship that a baby brings. If you have a boyfriend and are still together in 5-10 years time then hell yes you can be sure you will be pretty fine once you have a kid. But right now, you both are still maturing and growing (they say men are not fully mature until the age of 30!) and you will change a lot as people over the next 10 years or so. So if you do decide to have this baby be very prepared to be a single mum and raise this child alone - and then struggle to meet anyone in the future because no man likes a woman with baggage (especially another man's baggage!).
5. Your social life. I am guessing you have lots of friends, and you like spending time with them right? I bet you like having fun at the weekends, going to the cinema and just hanging around with them. I bet you are looking forward to getting a bit older so you can start to go to clubs and bars and just have lots of fun. So are you ready to wave goodbye to all of that just to have a baby? Are you ready for your friend's to start ignoring you and you will be left with pretty much no-one? Are you ready to spend the next 18+ years of your life looking after one person, with no money to spend on yourself, no time to go out and enjoy yourself? Having a child is amazing a lot of the time, but only when you know that you have lived your life and had your own fun. Part of growing up is spending time with friends, when you get to 18 (or 21 in the US) it is all about going out into town clubbing or going to bars....all of this you will completely miss out on! You wont have the money nor the time to leave the child and go out with friends, so for the next 18+ years you will be spending most of your nights at home with the child. While the child will be an amazing thing, you will resent him/her for taking away your opportunities to have fun.
6.Housing - where do you live? Do you have your own house (that you own rather than rent)? Do you have your own car? Does your boyfriend live with you and have a full time job?
I think you know deep down that waiting until you are in your 20's is the right thing to do!
At the end of the day you will want to give this child the best possible life, and give the child everything it wants/needs. But you cant do that while you are still a child too, and while you still have so much life yet to live. Finish school, go to college/University - get a good education and then a good job. Enjoy being young and being free - life gets so much more complicated as you get older so you really should just make the most of your teenage years as you will never get them back. Think about this - what would you think if you had a daughter and she came to you at 14 and said "mummy I want a baby" - I'm sure you would try and talk her out of it because you will know how precious being a child is, and how precious life is before responsibilities kick in.
After all, what is the harm in waiting a few years? What is the big rush to have a baby? Do the right thing, wait a while and you will be so glad you did wait.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, GoGreen126 +, writes (16 December 2009):
Hi, Jena
You've heard what all the Aunts have said thus far. You realize that they're all correct, right?
I'm going to be 16 next month and I know exactly where you're coming from. I've wanted a baby since I was 11. My baby brother was born just around that time, and I realized just how impossible it would be for me.
Most teenage girls do want a baby at some point, I'd say. But going so far as to try for one? At age 14?
Sweetheart, having a baby will make absolutely nothing better. Your life will be infinitely harder. School? Job?
I also want you to think about that childs life. If you had a baby, and he or she grew up in the messed up life your created for him or her, how would the baby feel about your decision? Would you want that child to become a parent at your age?
Jena, it's almost redundant to say that you're not old enough. The age of consent in many states is 16, and that is so for a reason. Under age 16, the law says that one really isn't ready for the responsibility of sex.
I think you should thank God or your lucky stars or whatever you believe in that you haven't created the child you want but aren't ready for yet.
Feel free to message me
--GG
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): Your feelings are normal because you are meant to have kids, just not now.
You're being what's called broody, all girls feel it but most girls don't act on it until they are ready and old enough.
Having unprotected sex is foolish in my opinion, besides getting pregnant when you're clearly not ready you could also contract an STD and some STD's can make you sterile which means you could never have kids do you really want to risk that?
You've seen what the other Aunts think and none of them are trying to have a go at you, but you should listen to all of us when we say your feelings are natural and there's nothing wrong with you for having them but you should not get pregnant yet.
My girlfriend came up with a fantastic idea the other day, she thinks that we should find a way of making young broody teenagers experience the hours of extreme uncontrollable agony (the most intense pain imaginable), puking, defecating and urinating hell that is labour without the end result of having a baby and see if you still want to go through that at your age. Nothing can prepare a woman for how bad that actually is, it's not some beautiful miracle as people would have you believe, babies don't just float out of the womb on a cloud of dreams, labour is a very violent and brutally painful experience.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): i think your silly for getting into a situation you could be pregnant and obviously doing it to get pregnant. You sound very immature just reading your post. You need to mature a hell of a lot more before you even think about having a kid.
I doubt you are pregnant if you have had your period twice (your post kinda says you are disapointed), it sometimes does happen but i very much doubt you are. Stop trying to get pregnant and maybe focus on your schooling so you can get a good job when you are OLDER.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): You hope you are pregnant at 14? A child is a huge responsibility and it is likely to be your parents that look after the baby. You'd better hope you're not pregnant, and remember to use contraception. Sorry to sound harsh, but it's the truth. As for whether you are pregnant based on the symptoms you have described, i don't know.
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