A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just got dumped by my boyfriend of 9 months. He said he didn't feel the same way about me that he did when he first got together with me, and he thinks the relationship is pretty much doomed. He told me he wants to think about things and call me to say hi once in a while in the meantime. I told him that I don't want to put my life on hold for him, so I told him to just call me if he ever decides he wants to be back in the relationship. I asked him to do this so I can move on and not be pining after him. The trouble is, I AM pining after him, hoping in the back of my mind that he will call me and say he was wrong. My question is: I am afraid I will never get over him - do you think I am in that danger? Should I leave that small door open, however impossible it seems that he will want me again, or should I move on for good?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): I think you have done the right thing as it would be even harder to let go if you had regular contact with him. Be confident that you will get over him. It is never easy at first but gets easier as you go along.
Try and find things to occupy you so that you are not dwelling on things. See your family and friends and if necessary find some new interests.
I hope this helps. You will feel better bit by bit.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): Hello. You will get over him in time but it wont happen overnight. He was being open and honest. And although it hurts now, at least theres some diginty in being told properly. You could have found out he was unhappy with you and cheating! Atleast he wasnt cowardly and he had the respect to tell you about his unhappiness and break up in a dignified manner. Its small comfort i know, but he had respect for you. Dont waste too much time pining or waiting by the phone.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (16 December 2009):
 You probably don't need to move on for "good," because it is usually a poor idea to burn down bridges. But at your age, it's also a good idea to realize that some or most of your younger affairs will likely be temporary. Consider a merry-go-round. Merry-go-rounds usually have a variety of ponies or other ridable features to enjoy for the duration.
Hope that's not too strange an analogy for you to embrace, but at your age and in these times, you may not always get to ride your favorite pony when you attend the merry-go-round. It was not so much different for those of us who lived through the 1960s, 70s and since. Life can be a merry-go-round, I think you may eventually learn.
If you are exceptionally fortunate, you might score a great match on your 20s, but a boyfriend who calls the relationship "doomed" is not likely the one. Stiffen up and move on - you are wonderful and he just didn't know it! And no, do not call him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): Move On! no one can not leave without anyone else. The better one is on his way coming to you. Just be patient and be alert.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): I think you just need to busy yourself for the moment- volunteer, take an art class, exercise, catch up with old friends, have a girls night, etc. It's perfectly normal to hope that he'll "come to his senses" and want to be in a relationship again, but you deserve sooo much better my dear!! C'mon, you're not something he can toss aside and then get back to when he feels like it. Give yourself time to have a good cry, until your eyes run dry, and then get out of your house and into the world! There are plenty of fish in the sea so to speak, and you'll find someone who is right for you, someone who will love you for you and who will want to be with you as much as you want to be with them!
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