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female
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*bocanhelp
writes: i am 13 i am in love with a 43 year old we are getting on well we have been in a relationship for ten months i have asked him too always be honest with me and he is. to day he told me that he is in love with a woman 50000 miles away but he says that he still loves me. what do you think i should do stay with him or leave the love of my life.please help me......... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, jhnnyboo  +, writes (10 January 2008):
hi if your 13 and hes in hes 40's this man has a real sick mind. your a little girl and you have a future dont let this sicko destroy you. tell your parents and the police. this sick man cannot be allowed on the streets.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2006): Honey, I'm 17 and I'm involved with a man 14 years older than me. I know all about this age gap thing, and 30 years is taking it a bit overboard. When you're 43, he'll be 73... how does that sound to you? Obviously, he wouldn't be going out with a 73 year old right now, would he? NO- because this guy likes the YOUNGER girls. He has a problem.
Ask him this: If he doesn't think that 30 years is a big deal, would he want to date a 73 year old right now? I think his answer will be enlightening for you.
You have 3 years to go until you can legally do this. You must be at least 16. Until then, don't let him touch you or he WILL end up in jail. And if you really think you love this guy, I'm sure you don't want that to happen to him. When you're old enough, find any guy you want. I don't care if he's 50 years older. Finish growing, do well in school, and try not to think about guys for another year or so.
Good luck, be safe, enjoy life.
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (13 October 2006):
 Right, I am going to say a couple of things to you and you are not going to like them, but tough!
YOU are to young to be in a relationship with a guy who is 30 years older. That is it about the age thing, end of story. To YOUNG!! Where are your parents?
Lastly, he is some sort of pervert for finding a 13 year old sexually attractive. He is an adult, you are a child. You need help to extricate yourself from this situation.
Unless perhaps, this is just a crush?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2006): You will have at least a half-dozen "love of your life" type of men by the time you are 25 years old, and ready to handle a serious love relationship. The age difference between you and this man is VAST, not to mention it's illegal for him to have sex with you. It's not that you are not capable of feeling love, even at 13 years of age, but you are incapable of understanding the depth of adult relationships. This may be the hardest thing you've ever had to do up to this point in your life, but you must let this man go. He needs to find a woman his own age and you need to focus your attention on boys in your age group. Trust me, time heals all wounds. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2006): If you're being serious - END IT NOW. THIS GUY IS MOST LIKELY A PAEDOPHILE.
f you're just joking - please don't, people who really need help may not be able to get it if you spam.
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female
reader, andrea23 +, writes (11 October 2006):
 love forget about this man he's a pedophile, he's taking your innocense away your only a child. tell your parents & go to the police ASAP because god only knows how many other 13yr olds he's corrupting. like my bf is 19yrs older than me but i'm an adult you're just an innocent little girl who doesn't know your own mind yet. please get shot of him & go to the police he should be behind bars because he's nothing but a dirty old man
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reader, Manya  +, writes (11 October 2006):
Dear Ebocanhelp,
All your Agony Aunts are agonizing over whether or not you are safe. Please
let us know how you are!
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female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (10 October 2006):
 Ok..everybody else has chimed in. I don't dissaggree with leave right now...I will say that if you are absolutely sure you love this man...and yes...30 years diffrence love affairs do take place....make a pact to see each other when you turn 18 or 21. Boy will you get a diffrent perspective.
Oh my gosh I was in love with my best friends older brother...he was just gorgeous and 45. I was all of 15. well lets just say that nothing happened before because my parents forbid us from seeing each other...HE was the one who said...I agree...I will see you when your older. 10 years went by and his mom passed away...and we went out on the most lovely date and I enjoyed talking to him and had absolutely nothing to say after about two hours. There was no spark, no intrest, and I wondered if I had lost my mind when I was young. But, he and I had been very atttacted to each other way back then. What had happeneded? He was going back for a Doctorate at University...and...he....was just so OLD. He looked like an old fart and we laughed as we realised his daughter and I were closer in age than he and I...And she was now 3 years older than i was when I met him....that made him get really quiet and we hugged and both of us went our separate ways...thanking goodness that we had not let that moment of attraction turn into something more.
I am thankful for him because after I grew up and realised who I was...I know he would have never done for me. Yet way back when....I still remember how much I wanted to be with him....he was just perfect. I was awfully mad at my mother over that one...not so mad anymore. Sometimes our parents know best...and if they don't know...then time does. Leave now while you can. If its true love time will tell...and if not....
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2006): I agree with David Lewis and everyone else darlin, You need help with this situation. This Man you trust so much is sick in the mind and your only very young I diddnt have my first kiss till I was thirteen love is real at your age Im not saying any diffrent but should be cute and inosent this man is taking avantage of your inosents hes 30 years older he is a pedofile! you could also find a young peoples counceller you could speak to at school or we're all here for you try and keep yourself safe sweetie xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2006): Hey, listen. When i was your age i liked a forty five year old, i thought i loved him too. He would make me feel like the only one for him, i felt special. Then my closest freind did the best thing she could have ever done for me- talked some sense into me. Shes right- im going to give you the same advice as my freind did- why on earth would this guy want you? i mean hes way too old for you and interfering with a minor. He seems to love you but the truth is your young bait to him and hes not worth it. Her advice woke me up, it made me realise that i was thirteen and doing school studies and why on earth would this older guy with a steady job want me? I told my parents and it was all sorted out- but i think if i hadnt i dread to think what would have happened. Just some advice... open your eyes and see this guy for what he is... does he love you- really? Sorry to be harsh.. but i been there i know. It seems hard at first- but then you realise there are other guys who are your own age who are better... and even if you have to wait a few years its worth it to find the right guy for you. Good luck... xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2006): Please please please. Tell someone you trust about this man. This is not love on his part sweetheart and we are not picking on you honestly. We are all worried about you. This bloke shouldn't be in a relationship with you at all. It's so wrong. Leave him alone and tell someone about it and do it today, ok.
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reader, David Lewis +, writes (10 October 2006):
 Hun, we have all given you our thoughts and understand this may NOT be what you wanted to hear. The police AND your parents should know about this man. If you feel you cannot talk to your parents, then please respond to this message or contact any of us to talk further regarding this matter. We are ALL here for you and will do whatever we can to support you. I am sure the other aunts and uncles will agree this relationship MUST be stopped. All I can forsee is YOU AND YOUR FAMILY being hurt because of this. I know you love your family and I know they love you.
Hun, this man will betray you. He has already shown he is not willing to commit by making up stupid lies. You need to realise this man does not love you. If he did, he would prove this by not allowing this relationship to continue in this way. We are ALL here for you. Please do not forget that.
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female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (9 October 2006):
 PLEASE,PLEASE, listen to all of this very sensible advice..honey we have absolutely nothing to gain by telling you this - see how many replies you have??
This is CONCERN for you and your safety!! This man knows very well he is breaking the law, he is a paedophile and is very dangerous to you.
He has all the experience to know just which buttons to press, PLEASE do NOT let him do this!!
Take good care of yourself, and when you are old enough you will thank your lucky stars that you waited for someone who deserves the very special person that you are. This man needs reporting to the police - and QUICK!
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male
reader, Lostandalone +, writes (9 October 2006):
 This is just sick. Sweetheart go and tell your mother or your father about your relationship. They will advise you on what you need to do.
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female
reader, shania +, writes (9 October 2006):
 When i read this i felt physically sick.This man is a paedophile and should be reported to the police.What on earth would a man of 43 years of age,be interested in a 13 year old girl? Im afraid this man is breaking the law,he also says he loves another woman so this man is a disgusting human being.Let go of him,he's bad news.Are your parents aware of this relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2006): like omg whats going on here?? There's a 30 YEAR AGE GAP! Tha means he's got 30 yrs more experience than you n he should know better. You're only just a teen no where near the age of consent most girls your age dont even have bfs until 15. This guy has no morals or decency or sense he must know hes doing something wrong dating a thirteen year old!! Ask yourself " Why is he dating me im thirteen still in school??" Out of all the age selection he has he chooses minor school kids? No disrespect meant to you but you might be mature n stuff but it's no excuse for him. Hes a perve or sick or completely deluded. NOTHING good can come of this relationship. My advice is to leave him immediatly and it will be one of the best things you'll ever do. You're worth a hundred of him and i think any decent person who ever met him would turn him in to the police. I would for sure. All the best know you'll do the right thing xx
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 October 2006):
 "Love of your life" oh please! Where are your parents?
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male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (9 October 2006):
He said he was in love with a woman 50,000 miles away? The earth is almost 25,000 miles in circumference, so she lives twice around the earth does she?
This guy does not love you hun, he is making up stupid excuses not to commit to you. I feel that this relationship is a sexual one and needs to be stopped right now. This man is a pedophile hun, get out of this relationship and inform the police.
If this man genuinely loved you, he would wait as long as it took and would not tell you pathetic lies.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2006): i know how you feel about him, its strong like any boyfriend is, regardless of your age. But you have got to think about it from other peoples views .. your 13 your nowhere near the legal age for sex and why would he wait for you when theres lots of women in thier 20,30,40's. You got to understand theres 30 years between you. i dont think he loved you and he can get in alot of trouble of this. its hard to let go but you have to, hes too old... and you'll meet someone, your age and fall in love all over again.
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female
reader, confussed jane +, writes (9 October 2006):
hun, he is 42 and ur only 13. thts too much of an age gap. hun me an my fiance has 14 but 30 years tht alot more hun.i sorta no how u feel hun been there.u need be careful with guys most guys only after one thing hun no offence 2 guys.it sounds like he just after sex i could be wrong tho hunhun if you want a private chat u can, as i have been were u have 2.if u dont want 2 talk its ok just gd luck x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2006): I know that you think that you are in love, we all do sometimes when we are not. A 43yr-old who would have a"relationship" with a 13yr-old is a pedophile or mentally retarded. Either way you have to be the "adult" here and stay away from him. If there is someone you can trust tell them because this is too heavy a burden for you. I am a Mom, I know that you may think you can handle this but you are a child with your whole life to find real love.
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female
reader, Manya +, writes (9 October 2006):
Get away as quickly as you can! You are very vulnerable and you need
protection! Talk to your school guidance counselor or someone you
trust, perhaps a teacher or older friend. It's good he has another
interest so he'll be better able to deal.
You have the rest of your life ahead of you and there are so
many beautiful men our there!!! Believe me, the world is gigantic at
your age, and I know that 13 can be a very hard age, but don't
take yourself too seriously. Have fun with friends your age or closer to your age, and don't risk yourself for this
older dude!!!!! He will understand.
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male
reader, Abacadaba +, writes (9 October 2006):
 Leave him, a 13 year old should NO WAY be in a relationship with a 43 year old, your not even at legal age, if you 2 have had sexual intercourse and are found out he would go to prison, love isnt a factor in this it shouldnt be happening. Hope you make the right decision
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