A
female
age
30-35,
*bsessedwithhimnumber21
writes:Basically, I'm a decent looking girl who has always frequently been asked out by boys. However, having just hit the age of 15 (which I consider old enough to have a boyfriend) - I also had enough self respect to refrain myself from the previous offers and concentrate on my school work until hitting the suitable age. But, now that I'm available and feel ready for a boyfriend, all boys everywhere seem to have restricted themselves from asking me out due to fear of being rejected. How can I inform them that I'm now ready for a boyfriend and will not let them down? I really need a boyfriend, I've never had one before and I'm so desperate.I have the perfect opportunity to attract some boys tommorrow, as I am going swimming with a group of my girlfriends. But how can I attract guys with my decent body (which I am proud of - self esteem in a woman always having been a turn on for most guys), without openly flirting/asking out boys? I want them to flirt with me and eventually ask me out - but how can I: Look my possible best. Lure them to me with my body. Look fun to be with and amusing because I'm with my friends, having a laugh. Not look like a slut.HELP! I NEED A BF!
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (27 October 2009):
 Firstly the biggest turn off to a guy is a desperate female. So "needing" a boyfriend is probably the worst thing you can feel, and guys will run a mile from you if they can sense how desperate you are.
Second - self-esteem is not a turn on. If you think you are gorgeous and have an amazing body then no man will be attracted to you because you will come across as big-headed and full of yourself. Modesty is a very attractive quality, arrogance is not. So while having confidence is important and feeling happy with your appearance is good - thinking you can lure men with your body and believing that you are drop dead gorgeous is a bad thing.
Thirdly - "luring" men with your body would basically make you a glorified prostitute. When you are in a relationship with someone you want them to love you for both the way you look and your personality, looks are only a minor element of a relationship so if you base the relationship on just looks then it wont go anywhere and you will be treated badly. Your mind should be just as attractive as your body!
Ok so all that aside - you need to change the way you think in order to help you eventually get a boyfriend. Most of all it is very important to be happy being single - being comfortable with yourself and enjoying your life as it is has to happen before you can enter into a relationship. You also need to stop viewing yourself as an object, or as something for men to look at. You are a person with intelligence and a personality, you are not just a body!
All that guys look for in a girl is someone who is attractive, smart, funny, relaxed, witty and most of all someone who can be themselves around them. There is no point "trying" to make yourself more attractive or act a certain way around guy because that is just a fake version of yourself. Just be natural and normal, dont put on an act or try too hard.
As for the swimming tomorrow - the chances of you meeting anyone there are next to nothing. Guys are intimidated by big groups of girls, so seen as you will be with your friends there is very little hope that any decent guy would be brave enough to approach you in front of your friends whilst he is only wearing swimming shorts! You need to remember that guys are pretty nervous when it comes to girls - their ego's are pretty fragile and they hate the idea of being rejected. So add that in to the fact they could get rejected whilst semi-naked in front of a bunch of girls and you get the picture!
Just go swimming and have fun. Simple as that. The more you think about boys and try and stare at them thinking they might come over, the more desperate you will seem. The common saying is "love arrives when you least expect it". And I think it is pretty true! When you are actively looking for a boyfriend you become needy and desperate and that radiates from you and men easily pick up on that! So when you stop looking and stop caring anymore whether you have a boyfriend or not, then men pick up on that sense of "aloofness" and they like a challenge! Guys like to do the chasing, and they like to chase girls that dont seem available. So right now you are way too available and desperate so guys are staying away from you and will continue to do so until you stop looking/wanting a boyfriend!
The way I look at life is like this: Men should be like the icing on a cake. The cake still tastes great, but it is made just that little bit better with the icing on top. So your life should be great as it is without a boyfriend and you should be very happy as you are, living your life the way you want and going after your dreams. But then one day when you least expect it a great guy will come into your life and make things just a little bit better.
But until that day just relax! You are very young and will have a boyfriend one day, then you will be busy moaning about him and wishing you were single again! Enjoy your freedom while you can, and enjoy being young. Relationships and boyfriends will come in time, it is not something you can force!
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, happyhippo85  +, writes (27 October 2009):
 Hi,
you shouldn't be thinking of desperation.
By doing so, your body naturally behaves so.
You may attract the wrong kind of attention instead! Flings, fooling around kind of behaviors from boys.
Why don't you take it natural?
I am sure if you are decent looking etc, there will be boys coming up to you.
Have a decent chat and learn about love the right way.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): Your best bet is to flirt with guys you like. Make in clear in a subtle way that you like them. A vast number of men will never approach a woman to ask her out unless they are given some indications that they will not be rejected beforehand. So smile a lot, laugh at his jokes, touch the guy you like gently on the hand or arm. Once it's clear that you like him, he'll be a lot more liekly to ask you out. Oh, and make sure you smell nice.
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