A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 30 yrs old and I was in a relationship with a single mom who is 7 years older then me. The relationship lasted approx. 3 years in which we lived together the entire time. It's going to be a year since our break up next month.She has a 7 yr old boy who she spoils rotten and lets misbehave in public and get away with all sorts of mischief. Her son's father fled the country to avoid going to jail, so we never heard from him. Naturally, I stepped up and became the father figure and disciplinarian in the house.I constantly struggled to control her son's misbehavior, but she would always undermine the progress I was making. Whenever her son didn't want to listen to me he would try and get her to let him do what he wanted. She would always favor him and put him before me without exception.So after awhile of putting up with this, I just decided to stop interfering, but the frustration in me continued to grow. She was not capable of controlling him so whenever she became frustrated, she would come to me and ask for my help. I would step in if she asked, but I always regretted it. It got to a point where she started resenting me for disciplining him. Eventually, she turned me into the bad guy with her son. He didn't want to listen to me anymore and started doing things just to annoy me. Me and her started having frequent arguments over her son's behavior and no matter what I did, if he cried to her about it, I was the bad guy and I got dissed every time.So, all that aside, I really did love and care for her deeply and even though I tried to love her son, she made it as hard as possible for me to accept him. After awhile, I started to resent her for always taking his side and letting him do whatever.Our relationship was over about a year before it was official and she was the one to give me the boot but I had already left her emotionally and was looking for a way out. When it finally ended, I stayed nearby at a friends house for a month before making a more permanent move.I came back a couple of weeks later and visited with her and took her and her son to the boardwalk in Santa Cruz and everything was cool. We got along well and had a good time but I went off and did my own thing for a couple of hours while we were there. I ended up having sex with her and spending the weekend at her place.After a month at my friends' I told her that I was moving further away to the point that we would not be able to see each other for some time. She came to visit me the day before I left and we were supposed to go to dinner and see a movie but she brought her son along and she didn't tell me she was bringing him.She was supposed to be dropping him off at his grandmothers but she wasn't home at the time so her son had to go with us. I was upset over this because I knew he would act up and I was not in the mood to deal with him in public. She ended up going home late after waiting for his grandmother to show up and our evening was ruined.I later expressed my disappointment in what had happened that night through an email. She was apologetic and told me that she would make it up to me when I came back to visit. Four months later I wrote to her to see how she was doing and she responded just fine... nothing to lead me to believe we were drifting apart, but then two months later after not saying a word to each other, I called her and we talked for about 20 minutes and she immediately started telling me about the clubs she was going to and all the guys that hit on her and how this one guy she liked asked her for her number.I had had this happen to me before and I was ready for it, so I told her that she should hook up with the guy if she really likes him and she immediately changed the subject and we finished up by talking about mundane things in our lives. I made no mention of the girls I was talking to or thinking of dating. She ended the call by saying she was tired and wanted to go to sleep so I told her goodbye and that was that.In the next 5-6 months I had emailed her a total of 4 times and called her just recently to ask if she could take care of my dog while I go on vacation and she said no. I didn't press it but I was disappointed so I hung up, but I called back a few hours later to ask if she could sell me her printer that's just sitting in the closet collecting dust.And after that, I was ready to hang up but she kept asking me questions about my life and telling me what's been going on with her and so we ended up talking for about 30 minutes and then she said she was tired and so I told her goodbye.Thinking everything is all good and we're still friends, I emailed her to let her know that I was coming to her town to visit my friend nearby and that I would stop by to visit her. Well to my dismay, she replied that she was enjoying her life right now and asked why I couldn't just leave her alone and bother someone else. We shot back and forth several emails but basically she told me that she was over me and that she wishes I have a good life but that she's through with me.After that email, I went into a mild depression for a few days where I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened and what had lead up to her reacting to me in that way. I couldn't make any sense of it, so in an attempt to rid myself of this dreaded feeling, I wrote her a heartfelt email asking her what I had done to deserve a response like that. And how even though I know we're not meant to be together, I still love and care for her as a friend, and that I can't believe she wouldn't want to remain friends.Damn... I know is this long. I just can't understand how this could happen. I gave her plenty of time and space to get over me, but I always thought we would stay friends and I even told her during our relationship that no matter what happens, I would always be her friend and be there for her.I know that you may think that I'm not over her. And the truth is, I do miss her but I have no delusions or false hope of getting back together again. I just miss my friend. Let me know what your take is on all of this... peace.
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female
reader, bobbles32  +, writes (24 July 2009):
 You definitely need a hug! In all honesty, i'm not sure why she reacted that way either, because unless you left something out, there is no apparent reason.
There are some possibilities though.. she could be pmsing (classic, eh?) I know it sounds silly, but sometimes horrmones can really mess you up. She could have something upsetting going on in her life, like a death in the family or something. Some types of people prefer closing themselves off than sharing. She COULD be seeing another man, who doesn't like exes around. I've been in this situation before, it made me say terrible things to my ex, even after we agreed to remain friends.
Thing is, she doesn't seem to want to talk to you right now, and if you just leave her alone and respect her wishes rather than pry and plead with her then you're more bound to hear a response from her, or an apology.
If she doesn't try to make contact with you within 3 months or so, you should send her an e-mail. I wouldn't go overboard, just a hello, thinking of you and wodnering how you're going kind of email.
I hope I was some kind of help, as I don't really understand why she would react that way. best of luck!
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