A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've known my boyfriend for over seven years, but have only been dating him for a little less than a year. I love him dearly.However, he lives in Europe. I'm American. We visit as much as possible, but it's expensive. We've talked about visiting each other a few more times (unless one of us could move to the other country for work), and if everything continues to go well in the next year we will get married. In which, one of us will have to move. And when I say I love this guy, I absolutely mean it. I'm willing to leave everything I've ever known behind, start over with my life, and move wherever just so we can be together.Things are going great with us so far, aside from the distance, but the only solution to that is getting married and moving together. When I think of him, I smile, and when I talk to him, I feel like a giddy little girl even after knowing him for years.However, I worry SO much. I worry that something will happen and we won't be together and the thought of it has made me cry sometimes... It's embarrassing. I actually push the natural happy thoughts that pop in my head like what our wedding would be like OUT my head because I don't want to get my hopes up high. Sometimes I purposely day dream about the absolute worst scenarios because maybe if they did happen, I wouldn't be surprised and won't be hurt.He's done nothing to make me think of the worst and, again, things are going good. But I guess I'm terrified of investing so much emotion into this relationship only for it not to work. In which I would be devastated...Does anyone else feel like this with their relationships? This is the first serious relationship I've been in. This is the first relationship where I've been serious about the future, and where I'm willing to change my lifestyle for someone else. I've never felt this way. Relationships, good ones at least, as supposed to make you feel good! What is wrong with me? Will I get out of this negativity as time goes on? Any advice? I could really use some.
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female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (3 March 2014):
 They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder. How true. You're not seeing the person every day or growing tired of their quirks. Aunty Babbit's suggestion of spending a few months together getting to know one another is a very valid idea. That way you not only get to know your intended, but also his friends, family, habits and his town. That's the only way you can dispel your doubts.
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (2 March 2014):
 You're feeling this way because your heart is telling you one thing and your head is telling you to be cautious.
Yes you're in love and that's exciting and wonderful, so are dreams of your wedding day and the future you could have.
The reality is that although you "know" your fiancé you have not had the opportunity to spend long periods of time together so really you don't "know" how you two will work as a proper couple in the real world or even if you're compatible, you just "imagine" and "hope" that you are and will be.
The dream you have is wonderful but the reality is that one of you will give up your home, family and friends and move halfway around the world to enter into a marriage with a person who you have not spent a lot of one to one time with.
Making such a huge move will be incredibly stressful for that person and it will take some time for that person to adjust and adapt, throw a wedding into the mix and I think it could cause some serious problems.
Is there any way that you can each spend a few months with each other, to see if your relationship is as good when you're together as it is when your apart? It would also allow you both to decide, which of you would move and when.
I think once you start taking some positive steps towards making this dream a reality, these feelings of negativity will go away.
If this man is your future then make it happen but do it sensibly and in stages that allow you both to adjust and adapt to the new dynamic that your relationship will have.
I wish you well and hope this helps AB x
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