| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: A guy I work with is a player. He used to see my friend about 2 years ago. She still liked him. We all work together. He built a friendship with me. It quickly turned into constant attention and he pursued me for about 3 months. We got really close and started sleeping with him. We couldn't get enough of each other. Even though we are both in long term relationships. After a few weeks he stopped chatting and I could see him flirt with other girls. One being my best friend who I never told. He has since told me he has feelings for her. I feel really hurt. And she doesn't know we have slept together as we agreed not to tell a soul. I feel used and guilty. She is married only 1 year.
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best friend, flirt, I work with, player Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2014): There is no question here so there's no answer to give other than to say you cheated with a guy you knew was a player and got burned. Now your best friend is about to get used by him the same way and you're going to do nothing about it either but she, like you, will deserve everything she has coming to her if she decides to fall for his shit.
I have zero sympathy for you but plenty for your partner and all the people you don't care about hurting because you only think with your clit.
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (1 March 2014):
Of course you were used, you're both in relationships. Actually he didn't really use you because you both knew that you had LTR's, and when you're cheating with a cheater there isn't much of a promise of fidelity or commitment.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (1 March 2014):
 Alright you both in long term relationships with others. So why are you even bothered by a player who liked you tried it out cause if you in a long term then it was go never be more. If he in a long term and its not working out then he has done nothing wrong if he goes back to the friend you already knows he likes. It appears you just wanted a sample of the product to so you turned out to be the player. The friend knows friends know when friends of friends start sleeping around its tell tale signs in the web we weave. I dont see why you feel used cause you are in a long term relationship it does not make sense in this cheat lies and web of deception.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (1 March 2014):
 I'm sorry to hear you are hurting...
You fell prey to a serial cheater and unfortunately you learned the hard way that this guy's interest in cheating on his partner did not end with you. He's not yours to feel jealous over, and nor can you blame your best friend for flirting with a guy she was never aware that you liked. I hope for her sake that she is smart enough not to risk her marriage and get involved with him if he pursues her persistently as well, and this is advice you can certainly give her, but you can't make either of them leave the other one alone if an affair is something they both want.
If anything, consider how much time you could have wasted developing feelings for this guy while he was only using you. Many affairs continue for months or years before the person being used wises up and calls it quits. In a sense this jerk has cut your losses for you by ending things so abruptly, and now that he has shown you his true character it should be easier to get over him and focus on either fixing what isn't working in your own current relationship, or letting your partner know that you are not happy and it's time for you both to move on.
The guilt you feel for having cheated will fade with time, but if you'd like to fix your current relationship to a point where you are happy in it, I think you owe it to your long-term partner to be honest about what has happened. If he is willing to forgive you and work through this with you, you will at least be able to work at rebuilding trust on an open and honest foundation. Trying to fix a broken relationship without addressing the true problems within it only sets both of you up to invest more time in a situation where neither one of you may ultimately be happy.
You can't blame your current partner for your mistake, but I do believe that there is something missing from the relationship if you found yourself looking elsewhere, and this is an area on which *both* of you will need to work to strengthen the relationship so that neither of you feels tempted to stray. Level with your partner, air everything out, and ask him for a second chance - assuming, of course, that you want one.
Good luck and best wishes as you work through this.
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